I’m scared. I’m scared now of every new living day of my life for I don’t want any more excitement. I want to retire from my job and do things on my own. I can’t kill my time anymore for I don’t think I have a lot of it left. In this wasteful life, where I have wasted so much without a drive to accomplish anything except being a mediocre employee and a mediocre human being scarred by only being the better person for others and not for himself.
I have missed my age of self fulfilment. I haven’t indulged except for a few gadgets here and there and pizzas if you call that indulging. I am not growing spiritually per se. With a past full of goof ups, with each bad experience having left a scar the size of Titanic within me, I think it’s time to heal them and grow beyond worldly mediocrity and get a bit self-indulgent responsibly.