SAVE ME – II


There she lay abreast the automatic sliding door of the hospital where she mumbled – SAVE ME!! She had dragged herself to there, was visibly out of breath and was quite sure, she felt no air around her.

The guard wasn’t available but the receptionist Rebecca who had quick eyes, spotted a body at the front door.  She ran and cried out for someone to help her pick the body up. Satisfied that the injured was still breathing, they quickly moved the patient into a secluded ward where she underwent her inspection for external injuries. While calling the head doctor, the juniors started to do the needful with tears in their eyes resigned to her oncoming fate. She wouldn’t survive – was a tale being told by their sorry eyes. Amongst the frantic screaming and calling, she broke the silence – “Please call my husband” – and fainted again. A phone fell out of her hand and the staff quickly found the number of her husband who was immediately called.

The husband who had run scared, around the city all night, petrified by what may have happened, picked up the call –

“Hi, I’m Rebecca calling from Sanct Hospital at Samp and we have a woman who has saved your number as her husband. Could you please arrive here as soon as possible? She’s badly hurt.” Click!

A car screeched on the front drive way 10 minutes later and out jumped 2 men and ran towards the emergency ward. They knew the hospital well and didn’t seem to care for directions. Gaurav and Amit weren’t phased by the security guard who had chased them since they had broken one of the barriers down at the main gate.

Amit entered the ward, found her unconscious, went close to her and with his fluttering hands, he touched her forehead. She didn’t move. He bent down to get closer, touched her hands unrepelled by the stink, all he felt was a sorry saga on her injured body. He immediately understood what may have went down.

How could he wake her up? Her sleep now was killing him. He started rubbing her cold hands too frightened to try anything else. He could see everything around but could feel only her. He knew she will wake up but how? He dug his right hand behind her neck, picked her up carefully and kissed her nape. He felt a pressure on his other palm. He slowly picked his head and saw her eyes fluttering desperate for a vision. He moved in front of her and she had tears of pain. He knew it all but all he could say was – “Baby, it’s gonna be alright!” She fainted again. He dropped her hands and ran for the doctor who had created a commotion outside.

“I can only start the treatment when the cops have arrived. I can’t touch or analyze her till I have a written permission from the police. She may still have clues on her about what may have happened.”

Amit replied – “She will die before they arrive. Why is she not being taken care of? You want money, here have it all but start the god damn treatment.” He pulled out his wallet.

He went on to  shove the doctor inside the ward with all his power with Gaurav and all other shell-shocked staff looking on. He was just way too frightened to respond to Amits call for help. When he did come to his senses, he stood as the guard outside the ward to not let any unwanted person inside. Both the men understood, the best way to handle this situation is to not let it get out of their hands.

Amit registered the patient as Maya. The cops hadn’t reached and they could still decide, depending on how Maya was doing, whether to register a complaint or not. He went in. Another hour passed and no cops had shown up. They were all starting to lose hope. Gaurav meanwhile ran for the cops.

Suddenly Maya woke up again. Amit was staring deep into her eyes. Both of them had tears rolling down their cheeks, not of pain but love. She knew she was safe now. Amit saw the unwavering strength in her eyes and got convinced of her survival. All he had to do now was to get the moron doctor on her case to start inspecting her for internal injuries. She slept again.

Amit started – “Doctor, even if the police don’t come in soon enough, you aren’t destroying any evidence. Please for Gods sake start the investigation for internal injuries”.

Doctor answered – “As much as you care about her, I do too but this is a big hospital and we have protocols to keep up and in such cases we can’t touch her before we have cops here.”

Amit was furious and shouted – “What if she dies?”

The doctor looked at Amit whose hands were trembling with fury and Gaurav who had now entered the ward to give a helping hand. Doctor picked up his cell and called his superior who told him to start the investigation remaining very careful to not let any evidence get destroyed.

Maya was then moved to ICU and even in her sleep looked assuring about her will to live.

———————————-XXXXX————————————

To read the first part, please click here – SAVE ME – I

This is my first ever attempt at serious writing. I know it may not seem much and seem much less than what our seasoned bloggers may have achieved, but please try to give all your feedback. I would appreciate every comment and feedback, good or bad and try to improve in the coming parts in the series. Thank You for reading this. Cheers!

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12 thoughts on “SAVE ME – II”

  1. Good Writing.. Keep Going.. Initially, I kept myself not to read this due to the violence. But later on I went and read the first article.

    Looking forward for the third 🙂

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  2. First of all, I just want to say how admirable it is that you are so insistent on getting feedback. Too many writers just want to be told that their work is brilliant and that they have no errors in their story.
    As for the story, knowing that there is going to be at least one other part to it (if not more), as a reader, I am curious to know what is at stake. To have to go through the loss of a loved one (or the potential loss) is of course devastating, but for each person, it’s devastating in their own way. If the husband does not get another chance with his wife (meaning she dies), how will that affect him? What does it mean for the husband, a character previously described as running around the city wondering what could have happened to his wife, to see the damage that has taken place? What particular fears or worries does it provoke in him?
    I like what you have written so far. Keep going.
    –JW

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    1. Thanks a lot JW! I really am looking forward to improving my writing skills – the grammar, vocabulary and include all essential skills in my repertoire… I was so looking forward to the feedback to these pieces that I just couldn’t have gone on without it but now that I know people read my work, I am thrilled and will write my next piece with a lot of vigor!

      The story itself will be a multi-part story which will include Maya’s recovery and the implications on their personal life!

      Thanks a ton for reading! Please keep coming back! 😀

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  3. In the first sentence I would take out the capitalization of “SAVE ME!!” along with the exclamation marks because you have her mumbling. A person mumbling by it’s very definition wouldn’t be speaking clearly. Also, in the next sentence telling that she is out of breath, so it would be difficult for her to shout.

    “There she lay abreast the automatic sliding door of the hospital where she mumbled – SAVE ME!! She had dragged herself to there, was visibly out of breath and was quite sure, she felt no air around her.”

    I would take out the word hi in this paragraph. Rebecca is calling with bad news and the word hi sounds too casual. Just introducing herself sets the tone for her message as important and official.

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    1. I totally agree about the first one… nice catch! For the next one, I wanted to point out how insensitive the staff was with that ‘hi’, pretending to be tending to Maya… But I guess I did a bad job at it too!

      As a wannabe writer, I’m unable to find enough words to say thank you for preparing my report card! This are the finest comments I have received on my posts and I will forever treasure them! 😀

      Thanks again for taking out so much time for my posts!

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  4. This is the paragraph I was referring to in my comment.

    “Hi, I’m Rebecca calling from Sanct Hospital at Samp and we have a woman who has saved your number as her husband. Could you please arrive here as soon as possible? She’s badly hurt.” Click!

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  5. You don’t need to mention about how she got to the hospital. You already covered that in part 1. I like the opening sentence..There she lay abreast the automatic sliding door of the hospital…that’s how to captivate, but change the rest of it. Try to avoid repetition. A lot of us fall into that trap, so don’t feel bad, now you know what to look for. 😉 The rest, good.

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    1. Thanks a lot for the comment… Thanks for taking time out to do so too… I’m already writing the third part and I’m so nervous and yet so excited to hear from you all… This is amazing to get this response… I’ll make sure to remedy all that went wrong with the two parts!!! 😀

      Like

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