Mulling and Mauling


Too Many Questions and No Answers
Too Many Questions and No Answers

I’m all smiles now. After 13 years away from my parents and a lot of struggle to make a living and surviving on it, trying to prove myself in every sphere of life, is it too much to ask for satisfaction?

Not asking for too much, can this perturbed soul be granted freedom? Let some spirit come and take my soul away. Free it. Let it find satisfaction for it is clearly not possible while living on this planet. This isn’t a post in depression but happiness.

For once in my life I imagined a good place, good people, satisfactory job and a happy family. All these days, especially the past few years, I’ve been so busy stabilizing my life from the earlier jolts, that I could only now let my spirit run free and try to look on the other side.

What I live now isn’t too bad. It’s just undisciplined monotony. The one that gives me enough sleeping hours to keep by brain sane. Nothing except that is stable. The list of “must-dos” just doesn’t seem to shorten. The long nights never let an early morning pavé its way into my routine. I’m getting so obsessed with blogging, I keep thinking of things to write about, even in my dreams. And hence the long nights.

Is writing my goal? Not sure but I’m giving it a serious thought these days. I’m not a very versatile writer but am good enough to make a living writing for small town newspapers I guess. Small little things that don’t need heavy-duty vocabulary and as I get better, things could move further. Yes, I’m thinking of an alternate career with no pedigree to show for it. It’ll have to start small, very small. But these are just thoughts.

Then I ought to have kids too. Family’s gonna grow. Wife’s got to have a stable career. And this is when my bubble bursts. Why do I have to think about anything else when I’m already doing pretty good in my current profession? I need something else to do. I’m blogging yes but it isn’t exactly a source of income, is it? I am the lone earner in my family and should I give up on my current income? Do I need a second income? Well, who doesn’t? But how much effort will it be? Will affect my productivity in the better of my jobs?

That brings me to my career. I feel I’m at crossroads and deciding which direction to pursue is giving me a hell of a time.

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