The Faceless Man


Oh man! 2 days full of blogs in my mailbox, hard work pouring out from so many of them and all of them crave for an embrace, a touch, a tap to let them know that they are “Well Done”! Keep up the brilliant work people… keep my brain entertained and involved. Give me ideas and I’ll give you some. We are a network – just us, no “foreigners”, no outsiders! You care for my blog and I’ll take care of yours! Give and take – share! We share so much – a passion for writing, reading, embracing strangeness, apt thoughts, discussion and a very real tendency to despise physicality! We are very happy with words and the images they create.

It’s one of those images I’ll talk about now. The invisible man.

Has anyone ever noticed, how we do somethings only for the sake of an imaginary image, who always watches you. Whether you are alone or in a crowd, it’ll always be just you and him. All the mannerisms you inhabitate throughout your life, we adopt them for that man watching us from some angle, out of your peripheral vision. He wants you to do things in one particular way. The correct way.

Even the people who say they don’t care for pretenses, like myself, do some things out of habit, only to get a smile on that faceless man! That faceless man who starts watching you, very early in your life, starts getting a face, not from your mirror but people who’ve influenced you the most.

I’m a case in point. I always feel that whatever I do, I do it for an imaginary man, who’s not fat but isn’t lean either. He’s an ideal image. I feel guilty if I don’t do things the correct way because they didn’t satiate that imaginary man! I feel he’d now be shaking his head saying “there goes the fool again” or “does he ever listen to me?”. “Why do you drive fast when you only make a difference of 5 minutes between the speeds of 80 mph and 95 mph?”! I just keep trying to appease him. Sometimes I pass and there’s a high-five, sometimes I fail and show a finger to his face.

He’s the man I listen to first and only then reply. Hence, I’m slow to respond. I have to listen to him for he’s my correct voice. The voice of equality and fairness. He watches everything while I watch only what matters. He’s my answer to all my do’s and dont’s.

I wonder if he’s my conscience or if I’m going nuts. When I laugh, somewhere inside me, I feel like I’m watching another man laughing too, only that he’s much smarter, has better voice, has a fuller laugh , and knows a lot more than I do. There’s never a conversation between him and me. He always knows my questions before I even ask them. He’s always 2 steps ahead of me, only to make matters far worse than they ever are. I feel he’s the reason for a timeless guilt.

Is it a disorder? I feel fine. I love everyone who deserves love. I hate everyone. I don’t ever run away from anything. But deep down I feel I’m being torn apart into two.

I’m not the only one who feels that there’s always someone watching us though. He’s definitely not God, for I feel him. I feel him around me. Just a few days ago, I think I felt his touch on my shoulder. It scared the shit out of me. And then during lunchtime, a colleague of mine, asked me about this third person himself. He had a lot more difficulty explaining it to me than I’m having explaining it to you. See just now, the other man asked me “Are you sure that you are communicating fine?” – oozing sarcasm. Trust me, I’m not talking to myself. It’s another man.

Can anyone please explain it to me? Please tell me I’m not the only one. Just to explain how lazy I am, or have been, I thought of this post about a year back and it comes out only now!

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18 thoughts on “The Faceless Man”

  1. You are not the only one, but defining it? Everyone will tell you a different story. For all I care, if it is lovely and helpful, screw the labels and the need to understand everything.
    I call mine my spirit guardian.

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      1. Most people tend to shy away and teach themselves not to communicate, but if you listen, i cant even begin to explain the feelings.
        Mine is everything to me, its unconditional love given and recieved (and, they do kick your but, try to scare you by making weird faces in the dark or talking in weird voices when you want to do something hazardous to yourself.).

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          1. This is the first time after I think 12 years that someone talked to me about this and that our expiriences were similar.
            Thank you, and Nourish it! ๐Ÿ˜€

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            1. Will do… Glad that you come across so often! You don’t have an about page on your blog… am I talking to a lady or gentleman? and age will help too, if you don’t mind! It just helps me in communicating better! ๐Ÿ˜€

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                  1. Haha, thanks! ๐Ÿ˜€ No worries, I am not big on celebrations anyways, mostly trying to squeeze that day out and pretend the second number was a 4 already for ages ๐Ÿ˜›

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  2. The other man who talks to you is your inner self or conscience. You are lucky you’re being guided. Some people have no conscience these are the ones who will not speak the truth. To them telling lies gives them bonus points. these points will come to haunt them some day.

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  3. Ok.. Call me jealous.. But when we were talking the other day on Video Chat, I was listening to the song “PaperCut” by Linkin Park. Lyrically similar to your post.

    However, I would like to tell you that I have had voices inside of my head since I was 5. For some unknown reason, he even has a Name: Raju. I do not know why but thats what he is. He does everything correctly, plays by the book and repeats all Conversations in my head every day. This helps me understand the various aspects and endings to one single conversation.

    He even helps me figure out both sides of a coin in an argument too. If I have a flawed argument, then he would say things which would feel right.

    I was going to ask you to write a blog about it and voila: there it is..!

    And I must say the way you expressed it and explained it is something that everyone would be able to relate to easily.

    Great work! Happy Blogging ๐Ÿ™‚

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