What’s your favorite fruit? FYI… mines are apples. “An apple a day keeps the doctors away” and blah blah…
Now think of your favorite fruit and ask yourself how do you like it? Fresh from the market, shining washed in water, off the hooks from a tree, cut in pieces so you don’t have to dig your teeth in, or a bit rotten? You see, a rotten fruit has it’s own unique taste. It no longer associates itself with the fresher version. It has run its miles and now sits in front of your eyes, dying for attention, waiting for the pain of your teeth digging in and the juices flowing out. This fruit is your rotten apple, for it makes you hide when you are eating one, trying to avoid other eyes gazing at you in wonder! But this is your secret, your love for things untouched and unthought of, your attempt at being different and unique in your own eyes.
Another question – will you ever share your half eaten fruit with someone else, who’s not really hungry or doesn’t really carry the same craving for that particular fruit?
Now try to think of this fruit as one of your darkest hidden fantasies. Thing you think people will definitely judge you at. Thing that you’re too scared to bring forth to the world. Just ask yourselves – what is it? How did you get it? Was it your past? Does it belong in your future in any of its forms?
I can make this post a prompt idea and people may go on and use it as a prompt idea and link back to my post. I’ll be thankful for that but this isn’t the idea of this post.
I have a fantasy. It’s dark. It’s merely wishful in the confines of my surroundings. It’s like growing apples in a desert. It won’t survive. I can’t share it with my world. They won’t understand. I know they don’t have enough brains to know, how things make me happy. For them, my satisfaction stands for my happiness, but ask me if they’ve ever seen me happy and I’ll tell you, none of them have ever seen me happy. Hell I think last and the only time even I felt happy was at my home in a specific place and position. I can’t think how they’ll understand how pain controls me.
That lingering ache you, the one that occurs after you first join a gym, keeps your spirits up, keeps you awakened and satisfied by your gains. The world that you enter when your eyes are covered, that light you see, that isn’t visible even in full blown sunshine. That light of freedom, of thoughtlessness, of irresponsibility, of carelessness, of disability, of your past, of your future, it keeps you in the present and makes you see it and feel it within every cell of your body. Those marks on your skin that are persistent, visible, and cause your body to tingle in excitement, so you close your eyes again and try to enliven the same dream over and over till nothing but a crash can remove that smile off your face.
I live for it. I dream of it. I linger in my present to smell and touch it. It’s difficult to make people understand it but I tried, for it’s not a task and I’m free to say what I want to. Had it been one, I certainly will excel, to raise hopes further and beyond what even I’ve fathomed. I’ll excel only if you tell me to, for its expectations and pressure that get the best of me. I want to eat every apple.
I’m writing this post, for this and much more is a burden I’ve carried since childhood. It has to come out. I don’t care if this is a public forum or I ever tried to make it one, but today and in this post, it’s just mine and I need to get it in writing as a reminder of who I am, what I must do and how should I do it. Life isn’t kind and every chance you waste, is an entire section burnt to ashes, never to be looked at again, like dog shit. It’ll linger in your head forever, for you’ve wasted it. Apples don’t matter, their taste does!
I want to love my life, embrace it and it requires me to turn into someone I’ve never seen or known and I’m afraid that it may bring out the worst from me. But trust me, touching darkness in various forms is what I love the most. You’ll elicit a plethora of emotions from me, if your topic touches an emotion darker than a normal person can look into. I want to look into and through you. I want to be you. It’s what defines me. I don’t want my life to look like yours, it eventually may do, but that isn’t the aim. For me, a journey of emotions is a must, else you carry nothing but an object in this abject world. Eat every apple, savor it and you may understand every other apple too without being judgemental. I’m becoming confident and you can’t take a chance with me anymore!
Ranu made a very valid in that I think this post confused people about its intent! So I’ll turn this into a prompt idea.
The intent is for all of you to think about that one fantasy that you’re unable to live in your present because of some constraints. You may write a post about it and if you do, just thank me for the idea by linking back to this post. I’ll feature all the entries by next Monday in a separate post signifying your effort and time you gave to this thought! 😀