My Shadow of Doubt

I’m a 125 kg man. 6ft in height. Good enough shoulders and a pot belly. In many a countries I’m overweight and some might argue to make me book 2 tickets just for myself to fly around. Just Kidding – I’m not that fat or am I? Don’t know and don’t care.

I can’t care less about my looks. It’s not a case of a scared and suppressed man who’s heard and hates the word ‘Mota’ (Fatso) way more than his own name during the course of his life. Even if the latter part is true, I believe no amount of ragging, nudging, pushing, or loathing can subdue the inner spirit that says nothing is impossible. This is no delusion. There are times though when I think, what it would take for me to prepare for the inevitable, that last ray of light that gets noticed in my head, the moment I realize that I’m eventually unprepared for the worst. How do you prepare for it? In this dynamic world with all sorts of things loose on the streets that can kill you any second, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for the last light or the last night.

I may not know the answers to some questions and yet, I believe that they aren’t tough enough to figure out. I’ve seen enough competitive years to know that the times when you are stuck is nature’s way to bring forth the lessons that you may have missed while dealing with the course that nature itself designed for you. I’ve been chubby and to an extent – fat for my age. I was born heavy, lived heavy and am surviving (rather well) heavy. I hate figuring out the measures of my blood or the proteins or carbohydrates. I hate thinking that I am sick. If I ever am, trust me when I say this, the news WILL fall on deaf ears like it always does. I don’t plan to live long. It’s never at the back of my mind. I don’t like and want the funny things that come with some spectacular end. I don’t want money. As long as I survive on my own, I’m glad to have not bothered a soul with my issues. To those whom I’ve already bothered with my existence, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there when I truly needed you for without you, my boat wouldn’t have had the wind it needed to set sail.

So whats the point of this post? I know you’ve all heard this message a trillion times before. However, I’m trying. I’m trying to start believing in the figure I see when I look into the mirror. It’s an exercise some of the new souls in my life are having me do. They say acceptance is the key for me. I want to start a new, reinvigorated and stress free journey, one that fulfils my dreams and mine alone. I don’t see anyone becoming a part of this voyage, for I can’t see far. But I believe that if there is a part wherein another soul has to intervene, they will know their purpose and will only add new meaning and colors to it. Everyone has to start somewhere. I refuse to see this world in the way it comes to me. I see a lot of good happening and this shall forever be my endeavor – to see good for that’s what invigorates me. I will go beyond the damning filth that’s always presented first, to find the truth and whether it’s worthwhile to pursue. I will not stress to find what doesn’t concern me.

I will strive to find what’s right for me and will not be lazy. I aspire to create a vibration, a flow of light that truly defines my purpose (yet unknown). I invite the energies that are destined to become a part of me.

I aspire to erase this shadow of doubt that destroys the purity of my form. I’ll follow my gut.

Bring It On

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Journey.”

The time of hope and persistence, honesty and dread, karma and belief, brought with it a surreal series of change. Break it down – the time into fragments, for each is as magnificent in its own right, a bag full of teachings, shining brightly upon my path. That path and where it leads, I know not.

The all-knowing, all giving power that rises within us in times of desperation – is like lights beside the runway to guide not just the stable but more so, the unstable planes. Nothing teaches us more about ourselves than such times of desperation. I learnt a lot.

Yes I was scared. Yes I was confused. Yes the pain in the heart was ever bearing and the brain, paralysed. Yet every stone that hurt me, only powered me, to go that much further. To look for my destiny. To smile at the sight of the end of the earth and sky, that horizon, which I knew would someday be mine.

Desperation when used properly is possibly the greatest tool we can own. Enough of it makes us fearless, uncaring. It shows us the true strength of our character. It gives us clarity on the decisions we make. It guides us to that juncture where we either rise or fall. It stretches us beyond our limits to possibly achieve the unthinkable, or get us ever closer to that “Eureka” moment.

The simplest formulae to tapping and reaping from even the rough times is to say to yourself – “these trying times are another bundle of opportunities”. And believe in it. Keep repeating it to yourself and condition yourself to just do the right thing, the humane thing. There are a million wolves waiting for your shivering carcass to show through your thinning skin but don’t care, don’t bother. I met my long cherished goal after walking on a daunting and humiliating path that forever shamed my self-respect and yet I rose and came through.

It doesn’t shame me now, to proclaim that I went through the mud to reach that Lotus and the effort I put into it. To have got my hands dirty in a coal mine to get to that Diamond. Life seems so complete now and how I wish it would last forever the same way with no further hiccups but then, that wouldn’t be fun, will it?

Bring it on!

Truth, That Is You!

Quoting from the prompt

“There is beauty in truth, even if it’s painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one’s character, one’s mind, one’s heart or one’s soul.”

– José N. Harris

Trust me, liars get my attention the quickest. Somehow, I smell them but this fickle mind believes that a liar is doing truth the justice when he lies and hence, belies the lie into a truth. It’s his responsibility to lie else truth won’t exist.

The sweeter the lie, the more painful is the truth that reveals it.

Just today, I got talking to a friend and he started with how when we get angry and yell at someone, we invariably feel sorry and yet end up choosing between revealing our guilt or no. He also pointed out the mental process that goes behind the anguish caused by the act and how it invariably lays the foundation to cover up the same angst in future. He was very clear in keeping the anger and the guilt it caused on a balance and how after we first choose the act, we invariably run for the other side – the guilt to keep up a balance derived from nature. And it happens really fast inside the brain, and yet never fails to leave an impression inside. He said that the choice is always clear but the brain, as it is trained to run for an excuse first and think logically later, comes up with a lie.

Guilt, ladies and gentlemen, has a tremendous power – it makes humans look and feel incredibly foolish which means embarrassment ahoy! To escape this, mind has to have plans ready and it thus, keeps a track of everything we do inside our subconscious, so we either don’t act that way altogether or be incredibly nimble in conjuring up a LIE! Not that Your’s Truly isn’t a master at the art, but doesn’t it need a thief to catch another?

Why do we lie? I say, we start to train our mind to hide the truth (guilt in the case above) and consequently lie from a very young age. It doesn’t come naturally to us. Parents never knowingly teach us to lie. Schools impart the correct wisdom, then where is it that liars are born? It all starts at home. We learn from our company. It’s a misconception among parents that their children can’t pay a heed to their lies because they are either too dumb or just don’t give a rats ass. These things are very small, so small that they in fact, must be forgotten and yet leave an impression lasting forever on a child’s mind.

“Hey Jo! Tell the man at the door that I’m not home yet” a boozing father says – Jo learns alibis that he’ll use against everything forever after.

“Hey Jo! Tell your dad I fell on the bathroom floor today and we’ll have to order food from outside and you can go buy your game DVD tomorrow. Here take the money” a lazy mother funnily tries to buy his son. Jo learns to disrespect his father.

“Hey Jo! You can tell your dad that you lost your ball and get money for another one, which we buy burgers with” Jo learns to lie to his parents for a burger that he would’ve anyways got, had he asked for it directly to them. Jo learns thievery.

In all the above cases, lies covered every evil. It seems like a lot of fun working over people to get things done, but this breeds dishonesty and knack for hurting people without knowing it. Lies destroy us – from inside. A lie is livable. It’s a world created in fantasies, bravado, and shining liveries. It hides the pain of the inside but instead of strengthening the soul, lies hollow it eating us everyday. It’s so lucrative and easy, some of us take permanent refuge in the deluge, forgetting that truth makes the soul lighter, stronger, and appreciable. Lies are a façade to our weakness. This mask though, is rotten from the inside. The longer you wear it, the more it disfigures the original identity. Every lie only moves you to away from the truth, truth that is you.

Liar Liar – Pants on Fire

Run around and shout all you want. Raise your volume to decibel levels that make me shut my ears up. All lies are caught. Actually, the louder you are, the faster you run, the more things you throw around, the greater your lie is.

Lies just kill you – everyday. The more you keep your brain occupied with lies, lying, and remembering them, the lesser it thinks of better things. Keep lying and one day you lose all smile, all charm. Plus the constant fear of getting caught by the people who you may actually love and the wrath and indignation that go with all lies. A lie is never alone. A lie comes in groups and serious numbers. So weak is a lie, that it can’t survive without another. And this is only what you are doing to just yourself. Think of what you doing to others! Giving false hopes, false personification, false egos, and falser intelligence – you are not only destroying someones life but probably even robbing them of eventual pride in themselves of making better decisions and making them sulk in self-pity.

The power of truth though destroys all lies. Truth not only makes you a beautiful person, it makes your head clutter-free. You don’t have to remember all that you’ve said before because truth never changes. Its harder to swallow and get your head around but a simple realization and some acceptance turn all gloom to smiles. It makes you stronger. It lets you stand in the crowd and never lets you doubt your ability. You may fall in some eyes for being cruel and heartless but the confidence you impart to others is absolutely critical – both to you and them. Not only will people look up to you for advice and support but the respect you earn doing this is priceless.

Not that I haven’t ever lied to preach so much about truth but I’m changing and these are my first few steps to realize that self-respect is above all respects. This is my attempt to mend my reputation and gain further trust. I’m being brutal. I’m letting it all rip out from my heart always remembering that hiding the truth too is a form of lying and yet, not everyone needs to know everything about me. Sharing does relieve your heart but it also reduces the value of some of your cherished memories.

Speak the truth, for none can embrace you like you can.

A Voice Unheard is a Voice Lost!

Ah the beauty of the songs! The rappers, they exist to let our voice out. Our voice, a common man’s voice with not enough sound and words.

How many of us partners in a relationship find ourselves in two different worlds with a sudden urge to improve our lives, fulfil our dreams, live our fantasies, only that we are the only hinderance in their plans? The thought that sticks out is, ‘I can do so much more and give us so much more, just that I’m in love with you and I can’t leave you’. Such crossroads seldom come but when they do, they are a real test of patience, trust, and responsibility towards each other. The path of my life that I once swore by, stands divided. My phase has arrived. I face 2 routes now –

1. To go ahead and give way to freedom of thoughts and actions. A path I’ll choose for every living being on this planet at any moment of my life. They all have the right to live their own life, do what they want to and experience life on their terms. Why do I give this freedom? Because this is one luxury I don’t give myself. I’ll forever feel responsible – to stay away from trouble as much as I can, to keep my partner away from one, and pavé way for them when they are stuck in their life, to steer them clear from any possible danger. I’ll never let go no matter how easy someone makes it for me. People have tried but this hard assed brain just can’t make peace with responsibility.

2. The other option is to stop this infighting inside my brain, pause life around me and say NO. No! Whatever we do, we do it together and never leave each other even if it means killing a thousand seeds of dreams and some dreams themselves. How cruel will that be?

Also when I say NO, don’t I go against a nature – Mine! How will I ever console myself if there was an opportunity to be had and I let it go or made others let it go? What if an idea never turned true only for my selfishness? Aren’t I the devil then?

A thing I’ve had plenty of is failure – lots of them, some of them even career threatening and the only thing I gave myself then were chances in abundance. Chances to perform, to stand up straight and adore myself once in a while gleaming with pride in the face of a mirror. And it’s these chances that everyone deserves and must yearn for. An indomitable spirit, in more cases than not, paves way towards your aim. Be positive and it in turn creates positive waves around you that affect everyone and fills them with positivity too, something they may have forgotten to imbibe within themselves.

All you’ve got to do then is – Shout it out, as loud as possible! And things are ticked into motion just to fulfil your destiny, your wish. It’s not hope, it’s a belief and I live by it. For until your words don’t leave your brain, they’ll forever remain unheard and unacted upon.

Be your own gramophone! 😀

Spam Comments

How many of you have suffered this way? You get a comment as below –

Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in trading links or maybe
guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website
covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we
could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog
by the way!”.

As you can see, the only ambiguity in this comment is the email address, which isn’t provided. There are no grammatical or spelling mistakes or there may be one in “I’d” but I for one, found it very easy to go down this dump.

I got excited and all worked up because the link on the name took me to Wall Street Journal, Indian Edition – well that Kind of blew some part of me away for a night at least. I get up in the morning and the first thing I do is shoot an email at the given address in the comment and BAM! There’s a delivery failure.

OOOOOHHHH I lost sleep over this one?

This is a such a waste of everyone’s time. Why do this? What does anyone gain from this? Is there any way to escape them apart from the Akismet given by WordPress that does an all-time-amazing job at keep us unflustered in our blogging experience?

And if you Kate Johnson are a real person, please send me an email at samirmishra_05@outlook.com.

Thank You for all the nonsense you’ve created this morning!

Happiness or Elation?

A sense unknown.

A perception.

A smile resulting from a smile.

A story so cute, you can’t shut the teller up.

A moment so selfless.

A sensation so unadulterated.

A pet pal, overjoyed at your return.

A wife sleeping so sound.

A face so calm yet sure.

A heartfelt greeting.

A voice that whispers in your ears in the morning – “Wake up sweet heart!”.

A joke that tickles the child in you.

A note that fills your day with bloom.

A song that parallels the days feeling.

An inspirational moment.

A moment of pure genius.

A tear of peace from silence in the heart, in the mind, in the air.

That’s Happiness for me.

Whatever it is, it’s definitely a feeling I forgot a long time back, and I can only guess if that’s happiness I remember. That night of rejoice, of yelling till the throat hurt, of hugs, of tears, of satisfaction. These days, elation simply causes high blood pressure. I can’t breathe. It’s been so long that things went my way, simple enough granting of wish sounds like happiness.

Is elation, happiness? Is happiness a milder form of elation?

Here are the definitions from the web for the two words –

Elation

an exhilarating psychological state of pride and optimism; an absence of depression.

Happiness

state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

I think both point towards an absence of depression. Just that elation specifically involves a sense of “ME” where happiness is a general term for a plethora of emotions that may or may not involve a smile. What do you think?

Baptized in the River

I read this prompt and the first question that popped in my tiny tired little brain at 11:45 pm in the night was – what do they mean by prized? And I slept over it.

The morning held further questions. Is it something you won as a prize but holds no meaning in your life for it’s a mere trophy? Is it something that makes you feel prized? Is it an object? Is it a feeling? Is it a perception? Is it a universal truth? Shouldn’t it hold value in your life?

So I decided to go through some prompts and I realized being ‘prized’ is a mere perception. The word makes us realize its virtue from both sides. The answer to all my questions above is a sweet and simple ‘YES’.

So what is my prized possession? Something I learned from a lot of mortifying years of anarchy in my thoughts. Freedom!

Freedom of space, speech, and foremost thoughts! I’m unafraid.  Confusion and betrayal have given me the name of the only person to trust on this planet and since, I’m never leaving this planet before my death, that name is mine! Trust no one. And it is this trust, that gives my thinking a new and distinguished sense of freedom.

I crossed many a rivers to mentally reach where I am today. I started to write. There is nothing more that I can do to erase all self-doubt. And here is a song that truly expresses my freedom –

Baptized in the river – Yes, I am!

P.S. – Is it OK if I use baptized for purified the way I did here?

Choices

Ever felt like being stretched from your hands and legs, spread eagled in the air, helpless, caught by the people whom you so despise but you once trusted with all your heart? I think I’m going through a period when I’m now so used to this feeling that it feels more like an exercise. Everyday, I’m stretched painfully in either direction, emotionally. I have no clue when I’ll break but tension is high and I feel it in my veins. This isn’t normal – the way I’m trying to live, castrated by the things I’ve so loved. Brainwash seems imminent!

Anyways, that’s about me. Regarding this stretching, have you ever noticed how there’s always a power struggle between the ones who tend to take the middle path and the ones who don’t. Let’s call the former as ‘M’ for middle path and ‘B’ for clearly biased.

M’s, I think, are closer to attaining spiritual freedom, for they tend to keep their heads still, and always try to weigh the outcome of either of the choices. These are the people, whose focus is set at equality, and that they must never hurt anyone with their choices. They are often more articulate than most. These people tend to use a proper combination of heart and brain to weigh their options. These are also the people who’ll stay confused for far longer than most and don’t tend to come to conclusions until their set criteria is met.

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The B’s though, tend to think more from their heart than their minds. They have a tendency to start building an opinion after they have elected for an option which makes them rather more prejudiced and prone to making mistakes. These are also the people, more hasty and unclear in their thinking. Their world revolves more around showing off than actual reasoning. These often have high egos which further prohibits clear thinking. They are also the people who tend to disturb the M’s more than anyone else. These people think, since they’ve made their choices early, they’ve got to have materialistic evidence to support their argument and this is where M’s come in.

B’s invite M’s to their side by telling them how lucrative and correct their side/argument is. B’s in this sense are manipulative as well. In short, B’s are often better equipped to take the world head on than the M’s. M’s hence find it even harder to make their choices. M’s are far more influenced than B’s who don’t leave a room for any further influence on their decisions than their own.

My friend narrated me the story of some man in American continent, who used to answer every question using just his right index finger. There were several attempts to figure out what exactly he meant by that index finger. Was it one, solitary? It was hard to find. Even when dying, the answer to the question about his index finger was… ‘an index finger’. Few years later, a very intelligent version of the finger arrived, in that, he always meant that “All is One”. That with experience we learn to take the middle road to happiness, in that the happiness of polarity in decisions becomes immaterial. That after a point in life, that one point, all your choices are correct. You have attained what’s called Spiritual Nirvana.

My argument, for which he had no answer was, is as follows –

What if the entire thing of that one focal point, is an alibi to escape the logics of the world and avoid all further scrutiny, an escape route? Viewing it from a different angle isn’t that one focal point also a side that we’ve taken. Don’t M’s become the B’s then? Aren’t we all scared again and running away? Is Spiritual Nirvana a prejudice?

For a person who makes his choices carefully and after a lot of thought, it’s so slippery, this world! For one single slip of thought and you will end up making the wrong choice, and for all M’s, it’s a huge setback. For B’s though, this situation/condition never materializes for they’ve already made their choice and are more often than not, ready to live with the repercussions.

Wiki_Choices

I’ve made my choice and I am the middle-man, M.

What are you? M or B.

Taxes

Taxes. We all pay taxes. Taxes are what enable a government to run a country smoothly. They tax us for everything – eating, drinking, driving, living and sometimes even thinking. We’re taxed for everything. Some pay it lump sum while some like me, pay it in pieces through the year so I’m not found begging on the streets for that particular month. For how much I earn, I pay 3 months salary as my tax, not to mention what I pay outside of it in Value Added Taxes and Service Taxes.

Well aforesaid taxes are what we pay to the government so we aren’t declared outcast or aliens on a land that we so deserve to live on, no matter which country or continent. We also pay a few other taxes of which one is the tax of expectation to our society. And we pay it day in and day out. This isn’t monetary – well in some forms it is as well!

Right from the day we’re born, or let’s go further back. Right from the time, parents either decide to have a child or that sperm gets loaded involuntarily, doomed is that little cellular structure. All those sperms that never made it, expected to perform, died trying – they paid their tax for being incompetent in death. But they were lucky for they had a safer death. The one that made it, frankly never got to do that small victory dance! 5 weeks later, after growing enough, it starts receiving medication and attention and is never left alone. Just enough space to survive and thrive in. Outside that tummy though, unknown to that little thing with no brain, are soaring expectations. Sons will make a doctor, daughters will need dowry.

We are and were all doomed to end up the way we have. Only a few escape the clutches of their parents, only to end up getting caught in the frenzy called OUTSIDE WORLD! The rest pay taxes like me. We’re salaried/businessmen/doctors/artists. That little brain of ours works day in and day out to earn a living. We’re shown the door for being ourselves. We’re influenced, lack originality, and life as I see around us, sucks beyond belief. Mine does. No other example is good enough.

Next we’re married, expected, not to find our true love, but to give the parents a child that can carry the family name. Some of us find that true love, while some unlucky ones get caught out at the hands of vicious wives and husbands. These other halves tend to have their own expectations that are levied without permission upon those super-burdened shoulders. They want your money, your social status, hold no interest in your parents, and love remains unheard of.

Every single moment of our life is built from expectations. Your own and others too. You want to do well all the time. Who wants failures, for failures are rejected. Expectation though means fear. We keep fearing for our destiny and forget to live our life, the only thing that’s in true sense perishable. I’ve done this for 30 years everyday and every single minute and find it extremely tough to pull out that magical moment from a work day, to pull out of this vicious loop that I’ve gotten into.

And so I write. I write to vent it all out. But watching all of those who wish to earn through writing, I am tempted everyday. I want to raise my expectations from my blog. I want to raise my expectations from a solitary talent called writing. I want to do this everyday and every minute. But am I good enough? I fear for my destiny. I fear the unknown. I fear that I may lose all that I possess. My possessions matter. They’re there from sheer hard work. Day in and day out of doing something I hate from the core of my heart. Nothing I do during my day makes any sense. There is no satisfaction.

I want to earn more money. I want to rise higher. I want to see the world. I want peace. I want no expectations. But how do I say it – I can never rid myself from temptations, for I’m human. I’ll fall and rise. And it’s my expectations from my life, that make me brave these everyday storms to remain standing tall and writing about them, talking about them, and sometimes even laughing about them.

The only way I see that I can escape expectations is to let go – let go off the people who hold us back. Let go off the material that binds us to temptation. I may attain peace, but then isn’t even peace an expectation? Isn’t peace taxed?

P.S. – This is the hardest prompt I’ve ever tried! I can really go on and on about it, like write series but it may get so depressing that you won’t read beyond the second half of the second edition itself.

Learn From the Children

A few days ago I thought, what would it be like to still be a child? Clean as a slate. No problems, no rights, no wrongs, an indomitable spirit of a flying falcon, ready to pounce on every opportunity to play and do whatever he wants to – that’s a child!

I was thinking aren’t rights and wrongs mere perceptions? A child doesn’t come into the world knowing what’s right or wrong. We teach it to him. Some may say, we only teach them so they be careful. But aren’t we just suppressing an inherent nature to toy around with things? Aren’t we scaring him even before he tries? Yes, you got to hold his back but give him a fighting chance to instill the necessary courage and self-confidence to meet his goal! A child does what’s absolutely clear in his head. We simply got to teach them to trust and respect us.

They must be allowed to learn their own way. We must never fiddle with their nature for they’ve got to understand themselves early. They’ll eventually figure it out but it’s only they who have to – not the parents. Parents I know, may feel a bit bad about what I’m saying, but I have countless examples around me that are trying to just be themselves and not someone elses image of perfection. And they are the ones who are truly happy even in their failures, for they can positively and most assuredly say, they are on their paths to their own idea of glory.

Not everyone is a Mahatma Gandhi or David Beckham by birth. We must teach the children to think straight, give them knowledge that helps them achieve their dreams and I highly emphasize on “their dreams”. We should tell them the meaning of dreams and how important they are for contentment. Because without contentment, all that we achieve and earn is worthless. We can never be at peace without it.

Money is nothing but a tool towards contentment. Money is and will forever be the reason for the greatest wars and terrible atrocious crimes. He who has money is as discontented as the man without it, because he never finds out the true purpose of holding it. So he keeps running after it all his life, gaining nothing and hurting a million others. Why does he need it? Why is running after it so important? Parents have to make sure that they set an example to live modestly so children themselves never raise their bar of expectations – those expensive toys, iPods, iPads and stuff. Parents have to let the children outdoors, for indoors is where all the bad stuff is.

One person though who still has the heart of a child, is my wife. She doesn’t understand the complicated. Most people simply misunderstand her because they think she’s playing with their heads, being all intelligent and cunning and stuff but trust me, she isn’t even a decimal percentage of what we call cunning. I am cunning. I know people who can’t be trusted and they are so close to me. And yet all she cares about is, she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She can’t seem to understand why on earth is she hated so much. My poor baby! How do I tell her, oh man!

I guess, she is the perfect example of who you must choose to be right from the start – free, warm yet chilled, and peaceful. And these traits are so easy to attain, if we grow up respecting everything that earth has to offer. People, animals, air, water, soil – respect everything and the world will respect you and that way, you’ll already have achieved 95% of what you may ever seek in your life.

And I keep thinking, why am I becoming a preacher when I can never follow it myself? Because that’s what I’ve chosen to be. To be the oppressed, a shield to someone who doesn’t know how to shield herself. I’ll take the hits while you run with your life. You just be… yourself. For that smile on your face is what keeps me going!

We have to learn from the children for we’ve forgotten the meaning of freedom and unprejudiced thinking. It is as simple as that!

Phoenix Nights

I’m a software engineer, ok a senior software engineer but who gives a damn! All my career as a bachelor, I failed to see a proper reason to return home. Ok you need to have a bath, be respectable and look good and blah blah, for there were girls in the office you could impress but they simply never interested me. My work and office were everything to me. I didn’t do my work for it provided for my living, I did it for somehow I felt obligated to respect what has come so hard to me. And hence, I never thought beyond my desk. I still don’t although some habits have changed after marriage.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I thrived on those crunch times, the ones when your fingers, and not your mouth, do the talking. It’s a bit of “been there done that” thing. I don’t get frustrated now, yes I shout but mostly because others aren’t participating enough. Nevertheless, the tips I use to keep my head straight are –

Take a step back. Clear your head. Close your eyes for 2 minutes and broaden your vision. Try to imagine all possible routes to the solution. Discuss them. Discussion is paramount for it pinpoints the loopholes in your own thinking, that later make for the lessons of your day. Write them down. These steps really do shorten your path.

Always carry coffee in one hand (drink it too, aawwhhhh c’mon people). Then when you are on your own for your part of the assignment, you can decide whether to plug in the headphones or not (and play some songs too)! I use them for it shuts out noise.

Today I proudly say that I’m seldom late on any of my assignments, frankly I can’t remember when I was last late for any.

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

  1. Why Bother | AS I PLEASE
  2. THE DEFINITION OF A WHORE | She Writes
  3. When Morning Breaks | The Mirror Obscura
  4. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights- Psychology, Why People Are Lazy | Journeyman
  5. Procrastination | Knowledge Addiction
  6. The Match (Part 8) The Ride To Mother’s | The Jittery Goat
  7. DP Daily Prompt: Wasted days and wasted nights | Sabethville
  8. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | The WordPress C(h)ronicle
  9. Focus! | The Ambitious Drifter
  10. directions | yi-ching lin photography
  11. Just Do It Piece By Piece | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
  12. Forever Distracted | Musings | The Wangsgard
  13. Boredom! Wasted Time! If only… Daily Prompt | ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  14. Make a Plan and Stick to It | Under the Monkey Tree
  15. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
  16. MY MOST UNPRODUCTIVE MONTH BLOGGING TURNED OUT TO BE MY MOST PRODUCTIVE MONTH LOSING WEIGHT | DANDELION’S DEN
  17. Footprints on the Sands of Time | marjanitalarosa
  18. Just Get Started | wisskko’s blog
  19. Changing Direction | Inspirations
  20. Phoenix Nights | Views Splash!
  21. Deadlines/Smeadlines | Dragon Droppings
  22. The Slits in Time | The Colours of Life
  23. of unforgivable douchbaggery | Anawnimiss
  24. 291. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Barely Right of Center
  25. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | A Day In The Life
  26. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  27. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | new2writing
  28. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | My Atheist Blog
  29. Daily Prompt from WordPress: Wasted days & deadlines – That’s My Answer
  30. Daily prompt – Wasted days and nights | myjourneyeveryday
  31. DP: My Thinking Cap | Scorched Ice
  32. Repeat « Averil Dean
  33. No techniques | Life is great
  34. i’ll be good like i know i should | eastelmhurst.a.go.go
  35. Waste Not, Want Not | Losing It
  36. Wasted Days and Nights | Stuff and Nonsense
  37. Procrastination and the Raising of Lazarus from the Dead | meanderedwanderings
  38. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights, 08.04.14 | Markie’s Daily Blog
  39. Wasted? | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  40. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Blissful Pages
  41. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  42. Time Wasted Away | Flowers and Breezes
  43. Keeping your blog partner accountable. | DMZ #721
  44. The Deadline Crisis | THECHOCOLATEYDAYS
  45. Method•ing Mad | Charron’s Chatter
  46. Daily Prompt: Being Productive! | All Things Cute and Beautiful
  47. Wasted and Found… | The World Through My Eyes…
  48. No Time Like the Present | candylocs
  49. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Basically Beyond Basic
  50. Just Stop Procratinating. Now! | djgarcia94
  51. If You Can’t Afford Tampons, What Do You Do?
  52. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Lead us from the Unreal to the Real
  53. a to z: g is for go get um’ at night | meraki geek
  54. Umm… I don’t? | Thoughts Go Back
  55. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | This is who I am…
  56. Steps to last moment preparation | Emovere
  57. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Simply about Life
  58. When All Else Fails…Clean | 365 Days of Thank You
  59. Something Grand| A-to-Z Day 6 | melissuhhsmiles
  60. Novo Post | djvitamine
  61. Day 98. . . Take a break | Dear Blog ’14
  62. 3 in 1. I hope. | Trucker Turning Write
  63. When writing on a deadline | The Bohemian Rock Star’s “Untitled Project”
  64. Apply Some Mojo… | Speculative Paradigm Shifts
  65. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Po’ Girl Shines
  66. Planning, planning, planning: | Barbara Pyett
  67. Suicide no. 40: The Wastrel | derekalanwilkinson
  68. In High Gear and Sharp Focus | by LRose
  69. I’m A Life Coach? The Lazy Way | Edward Hotspur
  70. Related | Walk With Me
  71. Wasted Days: Daily Post | Destino
  72. Elbow Grease | Overcoming Bloglessness
  73. Second Nature | Wiley’s Wisdom
  74. On Procrastination and a Regular Audience | Thinking Diagonally
  75. en-Listed | Daily Post | Cabin Pressure May Change
  76. Daily Prompt: Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Here I am !!
  77. Wasted Days and Wasted Nights | Alexia Jones

Harda – A Seed is Sown

A trip back in time will definitely take me to a day in Harda. It’s a tiny town at the heart of Madhya Pradesh. Unnoticeable railway station, shabby outdoors, pathetic roads, and yet an amazingly calm and earthly demeanor that makes you feel at home.

I first met this place on a wet day. Me and my brother were to appear for an entrance test at our first convent school. It was tough – for English was never our forte. They kept talking to us in that foreign language all the while getting us to appear for tests in Mathematics, Science, and English. I don’t remember the marks I scored then, but the principal seemed pretty satisfied with however we had performed. I remember dad buying our books, notebooks, and our uniforms from their stationery shop. I remember the parking, the church, buildings under construction, ducks, birds, green color of the wet trees, incessant rain, and the hooting from the trains passing by the nearby railway station.

By the time, we completed the admission formalities, we got late and dad decided to buy us dinner from a nearby market. I remember us searching for food throughout the town in that rain. The rain, the rain, I just can’t get that rain out of my head. It just never drizzled. It poured all day so hard and with such ferocity, it forced shopkeepers to stay in and finding an eatery was hard. After much search though, we found a street side vendor selling CHAAT and GOLGAPPE (Pani Puri) in a deserted street.

GOLGAPPE – ones that I was going to remember for all my life. Now to let all of you in on what GOLGAPPE are all about, let me show you a picture and the procedure on how they are served –

Pani Puri

These are served with a filling made from potatoes and peas and later filled with tangy tamarind or mango water. You then put the whole thing at one go inside your mouth and let it blast inside, leaving a heavenly taste on your tongue and on the cheek walls. Now, these are so thin, they tend to sog even with mild moisture in the air and that day, it was pouring. So to add some taste to them, he added hot fillings, off the stove. There were no potatoes, only peas and I’m yet to taste anything like that till date. Somehow he had added magic.

When we returned though, all I remember having was a rather unwelcome feeling of separation!

What I’d like to visit from that day again –

1. The GOLGAPPE.

2. The railway station.

3. That rain.

4. That school compound.

5. I’d like to know the marks I scored in my English test.

What I’d like to skip on my next visit –

NOTHING!

Lets see what others have for this prompt

  1. MY POISON IVY EFFECT [EMEM’S DIARY] | She Writes
  2. what if | the hilarious pessimist
  3. Toes like telltale crocuses | Butterfly Mind
  4. Insert End of an Era Cliché Here | AS I PLEASE
  5. A sight never forgotten… | ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  6. Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time- Psychology Behind Being Present And Daily Life | Journeyman
  7. no regrets | think | architect
  8. The Match | The Jittery Goat
  9. Daily Prompt: If I could Turn Back Time | The WordPress C(h)ronicle
  10. Living in The Early 1900’s – WANGSGARD
  11. Daily Prompt : Turning back time | Love your dog
  12. Those Crawling Days – Undoubtedly The Best | Ambiguity and Fraternity
  13. A is for April: What’s New This Month | My Little Avalon
  14. Personal Atonement | In the Present
  15. May contain nuts | Kate Murray
  16. DP Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time | Sabethville
  17. Now | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  18. Grey | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  19. Daily Prompt – If I Could Turn Back Time | hometogo232
  20. Back To The Future For A Fresh Start | Awake & Dreaming
  21. My fleeting high school dream of being a genetic engineer. #DNA @wordpressdotcom @postaday | Frozen Spaghetti
  22. What if we can Travel Through Time. | Free Thinkers Mag.
  23. enter | yi-ching lin photography
  24. Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time | Basically Beyond Basic
  25. Don’t do it | The verbal hedge
  26. Looking Back | Works By Anastasia
  27. If Time Could Go Back, What Would I Do? | From Hiding to Blogging
  28. But All the Time Turners Broke… | thanks for letting me autograph your cat
  29. Endless Summer | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
  30. Daily Prompt: If I could Turn Back Time | Bob’s Blog-O-Rama
  31. Daily prompt 🙂 | myjourneyeveryday
  32. My First Bloggyversary! | Haiku By Ku
  33. Zin « Averil Dean
  34. Daily Prompt: If I could Turn Back Time | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  35. Presente | Daily Post. – Missmosta
  36. For the Love of …. The NORTH BORNEO RAILWAYS | Duniya Ku
  37. If We Go Back | Flowers and Breezes
  38. Relive those moments… | FREE BIRD
  39. Daily Prompt: If I could Turn Back Time | | Shawn
  40. If I Could Turn Back Time | Dave Kester
  41. Turn Back, Stop at Fifty | Emotional Fitness
  42. The Best Moment Award: Living for the Now and for Mom’s Penguin Stories « psychologistmimi
  43. Revisiting myself | One Educator’s Life
  44. Corn | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  45. If I could turn back time | theoriesinthought
  46. I’d kick my own butt. | Thoughts Go Back
  47. Help Me Distribute Personal Care Items With Dignity
  48. Time Travel | Life Confusions
  49. Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  50. If I could turn back time | That Montreal Girl
  51. DP: Do Over | Scorched Ice
  52. Travel to the innocence | Life is great
  53. Would I have asked you to dance? | The Bohemian Rock Star’s “Untitled Project”
  54. First Love | wisskko’s blog
  55. DO NOT cash in that stock grandma gave you! | The Flavored Word
  56. Pure Land | Dreams to Reality !
  57. If I Had It To Do Over – Daily Prompt | Why is there bread in my Kool-Aid?
  58. Daily Prompt: If I could Turn Back Time, 01.04.14 | Markie’s Daily Blog
  59. It isn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It is just a thing. | Vampire Maman
  60. Harda – A Seed is Sown | Views Splash!
  61. Daily Prompt: Mother | Morrighan’s Muse
  62. but that was yesterday and yesterday’s gone | eastelmhurst.a.go.go
  63. If I Could Turn Back Time | treasurethememory
  64. Disrupting the Flow | djgarcia94
  65. Once upon a summer | mnemosynesandlethe
  66. Do “Do Overs” Exist? | Raising Our Redheads
  67. You can’t always go back. | SusannaAntihero
  68. Glazed in Gold | Call Me Incorrigible
  69. Flowing Backwards | Overcoming to Becoming
  70. That Time We Had to Smuggle Bacon Into the Country.. | Kosher Adobo
  71. If I Could Turn Back Time, from the Daily Prompt | janetcatland
  72. If I Could Turn Back Time: Daily Post | Destino
  73. If I Could Turn Back Time/DP Challenge | Starting Write Now
  74. DP: Turn Back Time – A Question of Moments by Ruswa Fatehpuri | aliabbasali
  75. If I Could Turn Back Time – ROBIN’S REAL LIFE
  76. Daily Prompt: Being able to Relive! | All Things Cute and Beautiful
  77. If I could, I wouldn’t . . . | Right The Writer
  78. If I could Turn Back Time… | ~Tiger lily~
  79. Of Days that Once Have Been (A Poem) | meanderedwanderings
  80. Daily Prompt: If I could Turn Back Time. | Ty
  81. It had lights! | Trucker Turning Write
  82. The Two-word Answer | My Author-itis
  83. Hindsight is 20/10 | litebeing chronicles
  84. Back To The Blanket | Edward Hotspur
  85. Letter to My Future Self | the intrinsickness
  86. If I Could Turn Back Time, If I Could Reminisce. | My Renaissance Blog
  87. Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time | F X T 8
  88. If I Could Turn Back Time | Late Bloomer Liz
  89. Wrong Answer | Speculative Paradigm Shifts
  90. If I could turn back time | A Guatemalan Affair
  91. Fleet | Seat | Retreat | fifty5words
  92. Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time with More Talking Animals | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
  93. Daily Prompt: Born to Be With You | Here I am !!
  94. Still Sand | a sweet bright thing
  95. Back in Time | itsmayurremember
  96. Unrequited | vic briggs
  97. If I Could Turn Back Time | Tonkadella’s Things in Life
  98. Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time | Nola Roots, Texas Heart
  99. If I Could Turn Back Time | Alexia Jones
  100. The Past Unrecovered | Sugar, Spice, and Everything euNice
  101. My Regrets Aren’t What I Thought They’d Be. | ktjjenkins
  102. Mental Time Travel | Psychology Muffins

A Courteous Nod to A Fresh Me

You know the easiest trap to fall into is to start even thinking about how your life isn’t worth comparing to others. I almost fell into it yesterday when I read how someone was about to start doing what she truly wanted to do, while I haven’t yet started!

There are many other things I believe in other than the ones I elaborated yesterday. One of them is – nothing comes to you before time. I see people doing whatever with their lives and a sense of jealousy passes over me only to remind me of this motto.

I’ve led a rather satisfying and cool life when I consider my priorities in life. I’ve changed myself to plan everything and live by it. Though my plans to actually start leading the life of my dreams, start a few years later. Till then, I need security. I need to secure my future along with my wifes and plan on how to start taking over the responsibilities of my aging parents.

Nothing must leave my hands now and I’ve understood that therein lies the true power of my dreams. Never letting them go. Not once, ever. I’ve wasted a lot of time doing stupid things that never really benefitted my soul and have never worked to make me happy. Yes, some of them did relieve a lot of unwanted stress. Yes, some of them did teach me what random happiness feels like. But they still weren’t my true friends. They were a passerby who handed me tea and coffee only to refresh me, hand me a word of advice, and say goodbye!

I feel a lot of what I’m doing since a couple of months, drives me to my dreams. Some of it is still a baggage and it needs shedding but that’ll be done when time comes. All I need is patience. Patience to see my time come. I’ve sowed the seeds to my happiness and I vow to live to see those plants grow and flower. I need that tree to provide shade to other passerby’s who will later board on their respective journeys to happiness.

I need people as much they need me. We just need to acknowledge the need. I feel I’m a changed man already. I take time and try to not freak out when things aren’t going my way. Whether it be those moronic drivers on the road or those stupid queues at the counters, I try to stay calm. And I see people responding to my efforts, even unconsciously. All I do is keep doing what I programmed my brain to do and the rest keeps falling into place. I don’t need to think of the future so much. It’ll come the way it has to. It simply needs acknowledgement – a courteous nod!

Lets see what others have in their minds –

  1. I hate Inspirational Facebook Update Pictures | AS I PLEASE
  2. VIP Saudi Wedding at Ritz Carlton – JBR | Rima Hassan
  3. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy- Pyshology Behind “Being Late” and it’s Consequences | Journeyman
  4. Daily Prompt: She drives me crazy! | Purplesus’ Blog
  5. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  6. The Production of “Hair” At Billy Bronco’s | The Jittery Goat
  7. Daily Prompt: They Drive Me Crazy | Under the Monkey Tree
  8. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | The WordPress C(h)ronicle
  9. I drive me crazy… | new2writing
  10. DP Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Sabethville
  11. 狂気!(Crazy!) | Eyes Through The Glass – A Blog About Asperger’s
  12. Daily Prompt: what drives me crazy | Love your dog
  13. Control??? / Daily Prompt | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  14. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | littlegirlstory
  15. Wait you mean you came to class unprepared again??? | One Educator’s Life
  16. etiquette | yi-ching lin photography
  17. the second law of | y
  18. The First Date – Part 3 | In Harmony
  19. Stories That Drive Me Crazy | My Little Avalon
  20. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Pastathree’s Blog
  21. Stop lingering, STOP lingering, please stop lingering!! | The Flavored Word
  22. A dialogue | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  23. Actus reus | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  24. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Bob’s Blog-O-Rama
  25. Narcissism or Self-Exploration? | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
  26. March is driving me crazy: Laguardia, Wrestlemania and Selena on my mind as winter draws to its final end « psychologistmimi
  27. She Drives Me Crazy | The Story of a Guy
  28. “Will the last one in my World please turn everything off” | Prompt Me Please
  29. daily prompt: one of these days, alice! | r | one studio architecture
  30. Déjà Vu All over Again! | My Author-itis
  31. Groove « Averil Dean
  32. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
  33. Leonard Woolf ‘speaks’ | ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  34. Crazy Monday | Jody Lynne
  35. “She Drives Me Crazy” | Relax
  36. Watch Out for that Tree! | meanderedwanderings
  37. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | imagination
  38. Like nails on a chalkboard. | Hope* the happy hugger
  39. Respect for the music | Life is great
  40. Pet Peeves Continued… | Live, Love, Laugh, Dance, Pray
  41. A few thoughts for improvement | An old fart back in school
  42. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | My Atheist Blog
  43. ah shaddap you face | eastelmhurst.a.go.go
  44. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy |Five Annoying Things | Shawn
  45. Don’t be Manipulated | wisskko’s blog
  46. DP: DON’T TOUCH THAT! | Scorched Ice
  47. Some things just drive you a little crazy… | chattinatti
  48. Pet Peeves | Wright Outta Nowhere
  49. T and Trouble | Flowers and Breezes
  50. Follia | Daily Post – Missmosta
  51. Life on the ward | A picture is worth 1000 words
  52. I never was very good at ball games. | thoughtsofrkh
  53. Drives Me Crazy: Daily Prompt | ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  54. What Drives Me Crazy? | 3rdculturechildren
  55. Monday’s daily prompt 🙂 | myjourneyeveryday
  56. I AM the Crazy | djgarcia94
  57. She Drives Me Crazy | The Nameless One
  58. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | poems: “lax rhetorica”
  59. Finger Lickin’ Good | thanks for letting me autograph your cat
  60. Something about myself | Kat and her Blog
  61. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | picturingpositive
  62. A Pet Peeve: Please Do Not Sh*t in My Bed | Kosher Adobo
  63. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Ramblings of a Midwest 20-Something
  64. Daily Prompt: Moments to Remember | Ramblings of a Midwest 20-Something
  65. I don’t feel like procreating right now. Let’s move on shall we? | Shoot the messenger
  66. Drives her crazy | Thin spiral notebook
  67. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy| Unprofessional Cashiers | Random…Yet Not So Random Thoughts Of Mine
  68. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy: Myself | Just Be V
  69. 24 Things I Irrationally Hate | meg lago
  70. Taking public transit in Montreal drives me crazy at times | That Montreal Girl
  71. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Burning Imagination
  72. I hate that I have become Ross from friends | The Bohemian Rock Star’s “Untitled Project”
  73. The News! Ha! | Trucker Turning Write
  74. daily prompt: she drives me crazy |
  75. That Drives Me Crazy | 365 Days of Thank You
  76. Not That Kind Of Marriage | Edward Hotspur
  77. Garbage out of place | mombox
  78. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Ty
  79. She Drives Me Crazy: Daily Post | Destino
  80. Wait — let me get something to write on | Oh Danny Boy!
  81. Winning the sanity battle | Emotional Fitness
  82. Daily Prompt: She Drives Me Crazy | Basically Beyond Basic
  83. Daily prompt: ‘She’? I’m a one-man band | helen meikle’s scribblefest
  84. “Really!” Come on Maaaan! | jsleflore
  85. [Prompt] Drives Me Crazy | kkjj95

How Not To Suffer

Well me being down won’t actually be the way women get down, for you know, I’m a man and us men don’t have to go through the mood cycles of the women for those 5 dreaded days of the month. But us men, we are brought down by a lot of other things like serious atrocities to the way we function, learn, and go about our life in general. An unhindered path is what we all seek, ain’t it?

Yet it doesn’t really beckon, does it? So I sing! Yes this hoarse of a throat squeals out the most dreaded sounds ever heard by mankind. I’ve also practiced the most essential art of all – to not give a single fuck to anyone not minding his own business and interfering with mine. It took me long years to get to where I am with my screwed up brain, but I guess it bodes well for me that I always have the company of my mind. It keeps me occupied. I look forward to every screwed up idea it comes up with but what I like the most about it is – how funny it is! It has the most amazing gift to see the funny side of life. Not that I laugh a lot though. The facial muscles on my face, you see, have gained a lot of weight and are very lazy to supply any expression. So all I do is HA HA HA and yet I look like I’m watching a train coming to hit me.

So sing. Yes go to that bathroom, take a long hot shower, and clear your throat. Don’t mind the neighbors for they are fools. They don’t know you and they never will. All you got to care about is, your peace of my mind. Just close your eyes while taking that shower and all the while that you sing – plan your next move to avenge your defeat. Nothing will seem clearer. Some will call it day dreaming but trust me – it isn’t. So DON’T EVER FORGET TO SING!

Also try to take a shit. You know invariably when I’m confused, I head to my place of zen – the toilet. It’s as if I watch 2 and 2 make 4 for the first time. You get brilliant ideas when you’re there. TRUST MY EXPERIENCE FELLAS!

Basically when all the filth in and on your body is gone, you’ll find that all the tension that your bore for those last 10 minutes, was worthless. Leave all your tension and problems at the site of the event. Carrying that burden only makes you heavier, lonelier, and inattentive. Concentrate on the next task!

Man I made it sound so much easier, didn’t I?

And all this comes from a man who has cried his whole life carrying the worst shit ever and never being able to take it out from inside of his brain! Yeah, I’ve suffered and only a true sufferer can answer you the best on “How Not to Suffer“!

Lets find out how others do it –

  1. Citrusy jest | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  2. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | Living Water,Pilgrim’s Praises
  3. Cheers | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  4. I Want You to Be My Emergency Contact | Kosher Adobo
  5. Attempted Human Relations and Self
  6. TAKE YOURSELF OUT ON DATES | She Writes
  7. Refinding my Happy | One Educator’s Life
  8. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues- Why we are Depressed and How to Fight it | Journeyman
  9. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | The WordPress C(h)ronicle
  10. Desolation: The Blues | ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  11. How Not To Suffer | Views Splash!
  12. » Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | The Poet Stefan
  13. See your Happiness | Tonkadella’s Things in Life
  14. Expectation Unrealized | The Jittery Goat
  15. blues | yi-ching lin photography
  16. My Blues Poem | The Bohemian Rock Star’s “Untitled Project”
  17. Sex Sells Seats! | ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  18. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  19. on antibiotics, i | y
  20. DP Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | Sabethville
  21. Do nothing or do something! | Always was a rebel…
  22. The Positive Project | Ginger’s Grocery
  23. Melancholia | Hope* the happy hugger
  24. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
  25. Blue | Knowledge Addiction
  26. Keep Calm and Choose Happiness | thanks for letting me autograph your cat
  27. Daily Prompt: Overcoming the blues | That Montreal Girl
  28. How to be awesome | The Bohemian Rock Star’s “Untitled Project”
  29. Betrayal – A Flash Fiction | My Little Avalon
  30. Cool Tools for Battling the Blues | Crazy Good Parent
  31. Signing the blues | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
  32. If I’m Singing the Blues, Just Know I’ll Be OK | Ms. Raven Marie
  33. Shades of Blue | MsMissyLeigh
  34. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | wisskko’s blog
  35. Daily Prompt: Singing The Blues | Flickr Comments
  36. Abandoned | Today, I can with God
  37. Daily Prompt – Blues | The Wandering Poet
  38. RX for Gloomy Days… | The River Mom
  39. Drinking the blues | A picture is worth 1000 words
  40. Today I Can with God: Abandoned « Overcoming to Becoming
  41. The Blues | daily prompt | Missmosta
  42. Stepping in the Goop: singing the motherhood blues « psychologistmimi
  43. Beat the blues! | The Insight of a young soul
  44. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | Right Brain Rants
  45. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | Sued51’s Blog
  46. Good Medicine | The Giardino Journey
  47. Humorous Sorrows | the intrinsickness
  48. The Escape Plan | Losing It
  49. DP: AIR SITAR! | Scorched Ice
  50. Red Lines « Averil Dean
  51. That Bad Mood of Yours Is Contagious | Musings | WANGSGARD
  52. Daily Prompt – Three ways to shift the blues | Nicola Kirk
  53. More Than Just the Blues: Anxiety and Depression and How To Deal | Sincerely, Ms. Roberts
  54. Blue As Blue Gets. | Forlorn Hope: A Diary Of A Broken Heart
  55. Out of the Blue | Charron’s Chatter
  56. Till You Are Whole Again | Flowers and Breezes
  57. Daily Prompt | “Down in the Dumps?” | The Mind of Profex
  58. Daily Prompt: Wash Your Troubles Away | A Day In The Life
  59. A Few of My Favorite Things | Trent’s World Blog
  60. How to Beat the Blues – Prayers and Promises
  61. Dior dress! | 1+1=11
  62. Dp challenge: singing the blues and how to lift your spirit. | A cup of noodle soup
  63. “Nobody Likes to But I Really Like to Cry”: Daily Prompt – Singing the Blues | samallen230
  64. JUST WHEN DO PEOPLE REALLY STOP GROWING UP??? | DANDELION’S DEN
  65. Daily Post, Are You Spying on Me? | Our Baby Dreams
  66. Blue Ku… | Haiku By Ku
  67. When I’m feeling Blue… | Raspberry’s Daydreams
  68. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | littlegirlstory
  69. Day 16: Make A Writing Prompt Your Own | Roe Knows Best
  70. Feel the Bass | Daily Prompt | Word Disorder
  71. I’m Feeling the Blues | A Blog for Laura Lee
  72. How to beat the blues: 10 FREE steps to happier you | Blog is where the Home is
  73. The Turkey Vulture Blues | The Zombies Ate My Brains
  74. it’s been a hard day’s night | eastelmhurst.a.go.go
  75. Bullies and The Steeler Nation
  76. Loneliness | Life is great
  77. Blues | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  78. Nothing a glass of wine can’t solve? | Tales of a slightly stressed Mother!
  79. Blues Prevention | Emotional Fitness
  80. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | My Atheist Blog
  81. Swallowed ghosts | shame
  82. Daily Post: Singing the Blues | Love your dog
  83. Singing the Blues | Real Life Co.
  84. …and the ED kids just sat back and observed the carnage. | Never Stationary
  85. Crack me a nut | The Seminary of Praying Mantis
  86. Before…After… | Simple Heart Girl
  87. The Veil | field of thorns
  88. Diary – Daily prompt | Forty, c’est Fantastique !
  89. daily prompt: singing the blues | meraki geek
  90. Daily Prompt: Singing the Blues | SIM | ANTICS
  91. My Happy Place | snapshotsofawanderingheart
  92. I’m not crazy. I’ve been tested. The results were not as expected… | thoughtsofrkh
  93. How do you beat the blues? | chattinatti
  94. Daily Prompt: Being Blue! | All Things Cute and Beautiful
  95. Some Day the Sun Will Shine | djgarcia94

Stronger Roots, Better Crop

Got told a story today and here’s how it goes –

There was once a farmer who had spent all his life worshipping God. He was a good man who had earned respect with hard work. One day, the God got so happy with his dedication, he showed himself to the farmer and asked him – “Tell me a wish you’d want true”.

The farmer humbly replied – “I want you to empower me with the control of air, water, soil and light for next 6 months so I can get a better crop this year. I seriously believe that you are a pretty dumb farmer else you would never bake my fields with sun when I planned to plant the seeds or blow them away with the wind when I try to get them to stand up”.

God replied – “OK. Done”!

The farmer worked day in and out to give this crop of his, all the special attention it needed, shielded it from hard sun, harsher wind and killer rain. 6 months later, he looked at the most amazing crop he had ever seen. It grew taller, bouncier and hell, even shinier!

He decided to take a closer look. As he examined it, he found that the crop was empty. There was no produce, just plants. He got angry and frustrated and as he had used up his 6 months, God appeared.

He then asked God what went wrong when he had taken care of the crops like his own babies. God replied – “You know son, you did everything right except for the winds. I blew your crop with winds, so they could dig deeper in every direction and have stronger roots. Stronger roots means better produce. Therefore, your crop is shallow for it never got the winds that could make it stronger”.

——****——

Moral of the story –

Stronger roots may yield shorter plants but they are stronger as they have faced their share of challenges.

You know how you can relate to it, for it’s like raising a child himself. You see that little creäture and as a parent, you give the best cover possible. You save him, serve him, fulfil him, take him away from dangers all the while making him weak. I remember I’d never tasted mineral water till I started travelling alone. I was 18 then.

Challenges and rightful fights build character. They build heart and strength. My father let me take care of my brother from an age, the number of which I can’t even remember. It taught me a lot. Respect, love, and holding hands when it mattered. It built in me an understanding of people and relations. I’d know who’d stand for me and when. I learned to stand alone. A better crop.

Moderation

Among the plethora of things that I hate/despise, one is moderation! And I see it more and more on Indian websites. Are we so easily offended? What’s it all about? And what about that lame and pathetic list of instructions on how and what to blog about, right before you sign up for a blogging or social networking website? I even saw it once on a porn website. Really! What do you need moderation for, on a porn website? Hell, they even corrected grammar in certain cases! Morons!

Here’s what happened when I approached a certain famous blog networking website –

I typed their name on my omnibox and the first name that popped up was their website. Impressive! So they do good. I go to their website, see a host of advertisements, their events, a few famous blogs and say, why not give it a try? I look for a “sign up” button, find a couple of them and click on the largest one.

Next page that opens up, is in all practicality, senselessly useless and an embarrassment to say the least. It’s a page full of heinous attempts to scare ingenuine people off and some genuine ones who were looking for a platform but blogged about contents that may offend a certain audience. And the ones who go on to sign up, feel a fear of some stinky moderators keeping their eagle eyes on every word I write with powers to disavow the blog if they find something offensive or unrelated. I have a question for all those moderators – do you read everything that passes under your nose? Do you use softwares to scan certain words and read only the faulty filtered ones? How is it? Because when moderation was applied on a blog, you never explained moderation and it’s type. So when I write a new post, I know it’s being read, evaluated and then circulated when all I want is circulation. Read it but never stop circulating it, in no circumstance!

When you start an initiative, to build a huge group of bloggers, bloggers need never be aware of any moderation. That seed of fear that you’re trying to sow inside their heads using that set of lame instructions/requests/guidelines is needless. You see amazing talent out there and they all have preferences. Bloggers, when they approach a certain website to spread a word about their website, do not in any condition, want their websites to gain any negative publicity/stamp/thoughts. Some work very hard during their days and come home at night to vent it out and for some it’s their livelihood. You can’t play around with that. They are all trying to follow the rules, but only due to some miscreants, everyone else comes under the scanner too.

My question comes for erotic poems – what are they? Offensive? In India it is. You get offended by even a slight mention of genitals no matter how subtly you do it. Or simple erotic writing? Are these a category that are automatically filtered out. I mean aren’t you killing content? Aren’t you debasing thoughts?

And what about people who yap about politics day in and day out, misinforming people, forming opinions with polling, and such? Is that acceptable? Is it moderated? And if not, why? When you moderate, I believe you are doing a social service. Then why doesn’t your work then include fending off bogus people who mean nothing but to spread false information?

What about foul and indecent language? Do rants count for blogs?

Now to make my side clear, I don’t do any of the above. I write about personal stuff, things that don’t need moderation and yet, I may as well be waiting for a few days before I start using the aforesaid blog networking platform. But these are a lot of questions that need answering.

This also raises a lot of questions about what kind of audience are we, the Indians. Aren’t we ready to read everything and not form an opinion about it and simply say good or bad? Why don’t I see such instructions/guidelines on the pages of other liberal countries? Why do we get offended so much? Why aren’t we liberal enough to simply pass a thought without judgement? Just say – nice words, powerful content, well put, well I see some grammatical errors! People don’t write to get validated all the time. Many a times, they are just fleeting thoughts that are put into words and words can be harsh, disrespectful, violent, erotic, just name a feeling and you have a word for it, well in English, most of them! You can’t keep getting offended by everything. We have to learn to let go until it really interferes with our working/process/thinking.

Think.

Note – This post isn’t particularly about any website. I’ve faced this moderation thing so many times in the past, in so many forms that this post was always on the cards!

Speak vs Write – A Literal Debate

Write Better
Write Better

What is it that is more naturally correct? Writing or speaking?

I think the essence of answer to this question lies more in the answer to another question – which one hurts more?

As I write this post I am seriously contemplating, how important is spontaneity when replying verbally?

When we speak, the words that leave our lips are irrevocable. And when those words are meant to hurt someone, they may leave lasting scars. Those words are never a medicine to mend some wounds. They are what they are, knives disguised as scalpels. And they invariably achieve what they were set out to – blast the last shred of skin off the heart. The listener is more often than not supposed to act irrationally and may even cut the speaker short with a rebound of even harsher words or simply resort to violence. It’s also important to note that many would say the volume at which the words are spoken also holds a lot of importance. I’d advise them to visit me once. I’ll show them, hands on, how I can do what many can’t at maintainable and audible volumes. It’s the words that matter my friends. Having verbal duels also has another aspect – the face of the speaker is right in front of the listener and it certainly makes matters a lot worse. Those extraordinary unintentional unpractised wrinkles that pop out from the forehead and cheeks combined with strong lip action may lend an even more expansive expression than what may have been intended. I know for sure, because it happens to me everyday in my 10-7 shifts 5 days of every week.

When we write though, the words are measured, thought out and often done with a calmer head. Not that written words don’t hurt, but they also lend a certain meaning to the scars they are about to impress. The reader may blow his head off for he has no one to face right then, but that’s what negates violence, lets heads cool and rational actions follow. It also gives listeners a good amount of time to offer better thought out answers for very difficult or irritating questions or arguments. But then what’s written can never be taken back too. You may burn those letters, erase those emails or scratch them off but they have made their presence felt and in a more permanent way than their verbal counterparts.

My advice – just be careful whichever you go for. I prefer the written ones for they prove that the words actually existed. They give you a lot of options and all confusion can be resolved after a rational discussion. They are both necessary but be mellow, for everyone has their ego that they are trying to fulfil by working hard everyday. Life isn’t all fun and lets not make it bitter for anyone by infusing unnecessary poison.

Daily Prompt: Lets (Red) Face It

shame_on_me_by_greatdeath-d4sy443

How am I left red-faced?

When I smell a stinky appalling urinal bang opposite to the temple those morons worship in.

When I see the haste to not even let an old woman cross a road.

When I don’t see people turning their vehicles off on a 2 minute signal.

When I see open canals filled with nothing but litter.

When I see how the government uses the money I pay them.

When I see that government can’t do shit about the status of women in this country. Rapes just don’t cease to exist.

When I see uneducated healthy children and adults begging on the streets.

When I see how people shake hands even while taking full part in irresponsible acts.

When was I last left red-faced?

TODAY & EVERYDAY!

Opinions and Conclusions

opinions

What are Opinions?

Here’s what Google has –

a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

A human brain is designed to analyze information. The way it naturally works is –

1. Analyzing a situation

2. Creating a crude problem statement which forms an opinion

3. Then either finding a solution if it’s of any harm to the body or the surroundings or leaving the situation at that if it’s harmless

4. Come to a conclusion together with learnings.

If you see, the process is seldom completed. Our attitude is way too casual and as a general nature, we tend to jump on to conclusions without thorough analysis.

That’s how we have lived our life so far and it includes not having to find a solution for everything we deal with. Guess that’s our comfort of choosing the option to say – “Hey, lemme fix that” or “This doesn’t concern me, screw it”. Whichever option we choose, we know, the world will move on!

I’m writing this post for something happened to me a couple of days back which is starting to haunt me and I probably have no cure for it except to admit my mistake and try to forget it. I was returning from a juice parlor when two guys seated at the pavement of a small nearby under-construction shopping complex approached me – “Bhai saab! Aap iss bachche ko jaante hain?” (Hi Brother! Do you know this kid?) pointing at a kid seated alone at the stairs. I looked at the kid and said – “No”. The first thought in my head was about my upset stomach and how I needed to rest a bit when I took a look at the two men who were trying to cajole some information out of that kid but had quite obviously failed. They looked helpless. The kid looked in a dire shock. He looked scared not from the sense of getting lost but from the probable beating he would receive at the hands of his parents who he thought would fail to see how it was their fault to leave him alone in the first place. I saw so much of me in that kid. A frightened look not from the sense of the situation but the consequence and the ensuing pain.

Strangely though, as I moved on, my feet kept stopping to let me have another look at the kid. But I didn’t. The brain and heart were fighting for I’d been in this situation before and had somehow landed on the wrong side of human nature making an absolute fool of myself. I won’t do it again. Although it didn’t seem like any trickery but I just wouldn’t take the chance. I was weak.

I got to know a lot about myself as I walked away. And some more posts may follow about them. But this one remains about opinions and conclusions.

Now coming to conclusions – what’s a conclusion?

Google says –

a judgment or decision reached by reasoning.

conclusion-introduction-starter-plenary

Although what I did, made me come across, as a merciless man with a cavalier and borderline careless attitude but how I acted was actually based on a general opinion I had created from past experiences. It’s important to learn from all your mistakes. But then – there are always “what ifs?” What if the child was actually lost and I may have helped him better than those 2 men? Or what if the scenario was a trap to make me cough up some money from somewhere? What if my progressive year, that it’s been, draws a blot? What if walking away itself is a blot?

It’s just too difficult to know what may have happened to the kid and I’ll try to figure it out by asking the guys at the street again but I may never know the truth and I’ll have to live with the consequences of my actions.

So what about opinions and conclusions? My opinion about those kind of situations led me into acting like a jerk when I clearly could have done more. Not all opinions are farce. They just may have not been proven even once when they may have been drawn from years of experience for you never actually learn till you have faced the consequences. Facing the consequences makes your conclusion solid and when you face the same situation again in your life, you act on your conclusions and not your opinions.

When people say – “Your Opinion Matters”, I beg to differ. I say – “Your opinions are welcome but won’t necessarily be worked upon for we don’t know the level of jerk that you are or have been or you may even not be”.

The Giant Wakes Up – Daily Prompt – SOS

Message_in_a_Bottle_by_thisguysuck

The Giant Wakes up.

The Demon Roars Back.

The Prodigal Son Returns.

The Soldier with the power to keep me awake rises up again.

Aaaaaand I’ve now run out of metaphors!

Yeah, yeah I’m creating a bit of mystery but what the hell… I love doing that! 😉

There are not a lot of things (non-living) that I’m proud of. But a few of them that I’m proud of – I own ’em. My speakers, my bike, my headphones and my PC. These things have power over me. I shall stay spellbound forever with their gaze locked with my eyes. Anyone who knows me in person will tell you in affirmative.

Last week was horrendous though. My PC was hit last friday and it just won’t start. I had no clue what had gotten into it. I had though, a few weeks ago, read a warning message about anyone of the fan/mother board/processor going to go kaput on me but then a few days later Windows 8 thought it better to archive the message when it saw no action taken. I just didn’t have any time or money to spend on the PC. Thankfully I got my salary a week early and I could finally get my PC cleaned up. The bugger fan had jammed of all things. 250 bucks and there you go. Not only did I learn how to clean a PC today but I also got a hands-on when I cleaned the drives myself. Aaaaah that satiated feel of a quiet PC doing all things only it can and me typing away merrily with a smile on my face letting the world know of my accomplishments and how proud I am about them.

But the best part is yet to come. I am about to make my first savings tomorrow and get my credit rolling again. I’ve envisioned this day for so long, I don’t even think I’ll sleep today. Can’t wait to get my bum to those banks and tip their stale icebergs to my side again. You can run but you can’t hide I say and so do many but it made more sense now. I ran away from them when they needed their money and they have been sweetly exacting their revenge on me for 3 years. They have run away from every opportunity to lend me money when I needed it. But not anymore. They shall bow their heads in respect, for a potential customer will come seeking – with money in hand, with head held high and they won’t have any corner to hide away.

My tottering life’s getting back up just like my PC and the world will start to bow now for I am smarter, more intelligent and have gotten rid of my wasteful ways – well most of it! Some like pizzas still remain but food – it’s my kryptonite!

There is a reason why I’m entitled to this feeling of relief because I’ve persevered long enough to know what it means to get desperate when bound. I’ve worked towards it, believing in my goal.

You know what I’ll want from that bottle in the sea. A genie condensing in thin air and saying – “Stop believing in miracles. Know that you are one”!

Daily Prompt – Generation XYZ

We-Are-the-Facebook-Generation

To understand a generation, we need to understand what generation means in the first place. A generation by a dictionary means –

The average period, generally considered to be about thirty years, during which children are born and grow up, become adults, and begin to have children of their own“.

Welcome to our generation. Our generation that grew up hearing songs on CD players hung by our belts, grew up to carrying mp3 players and then iPods. Our generation that saw an internet boom, fought Y2k. Our generation that’s seen wars breaking states and countries into two. We probably witnessed the rise and spread of a technology revolution so big that it now has changed the lives for every living being on this planet. Things are now small enough to be held on the pore of our fingers which once couldn’t be held in hand bag.

We are the generation that believes that our future beckons to technology while we continue to value things that our parents taught us. We are the hybrids – the best of everything if we have our head in place and yet the worst of everything if we’ve lost it.

The generation that succeeds us, lets just say, gives up way too easily. They are weak hearted and weaker minded. They are affected more by movies and Facebook than their parents. Since I don’t have kids and I deride the next generation, ones that were born even a decade later, I’m going to talk about the generation that preceded us. We have tons to learn from them and yet tons to throw away what we learnt from them.

Our parents were strong for they believed more in human communication and touch. We learn senses. They weathered freedom struggles, wars of the worst kinds and yet survived to tell their tales. We learn toughness. They invented so much, we can’t help but wonder if we would still be the whiz-kids had they not laid the foundations. They invented bits and bytes. They invented memories. They gave the non-living, the brain to decide – yes or no. We can never waylay their contribution to the humanity.

My parents never failed to bring me in touch with that facet of their times. They taught me to see and think different. It’s a different side if I actually did it. But they tried their best. They cheered me up when I raised my first cricket bat. They were open-minded, for I was travelling alone in public buses responsibly taking care of my brother and his friend, when I was 8 years old. They taught me responsibility. Through the ups and downs of their lives, they taught me humility.

Crazy as I may sound now but our preceding generation tried teaching us society when they should have taught humanity. They taught us jealousy when it was competition we needed. They tried teaching us pride but all they really emanated was ego. We learnt to see the blackness in people first than embrace the truth of their deeds.

In this internet age, when the world is literally at our fingertips, we should try instilling hope, pride and humanity in our children than burn them early in their childhoods all the while suppressing their basic need for necessary freedom.

And I learnt this from my parents. Freedom if imparted carefully turns into responsibility much better than any other virtue.

Mother Nature

autumn-leaves-wallpaperautumn-free-wallpaper---autumn-leaves-93069-dh11nozj

Lets start with an analogy today.

Think of yourselves as a leaf. Your tree as our mother nature and soil as her keeper, the universe.

It didn’t go too bad, did it? I felt it today. Light, alone, a once-in-a-while-happy feeling. I felt free today.

Try and relate your life with a leafs life.

A leaf springs to life from a hole. A little bud that with regular feeding and nurturing starts to grow and show its true colors. Mother nature holds on to that bud tightly for as long as it can pull its own weight. And then the stems start to grow longer to let the leaf face the sun, know its purpose i.e. to give oxygen and preserve nature in return. The leaf remains for as long as it can braving the storms, the harsh sun, the snow and the rain, all to preserve the tree itself. And then autumn arrives when it must depart. It must give itself away to make way for another fresher stronger replacement. The tree whilst preparing the next batch stands naked withstanding the nature spending all that it can and grow old. After several of these autumn cycles when the tree finally gets frail, it starts to wither away. It’s those leaves that had fallen, that then act as the breeding ground for another tree. And the cycle continues.

How similar is that to us? Very. We are born from an orifice too as little buds all rolled up with hands and legs right up to our eyes to protect ourselves from the very nature that will later power us. The parents then provide us, keeping us on a short leash till we have grown and learnt t0 weather the storms of a cycle called life. They teach us to respect the nature and tell us our purpose – to survive. We learn to respect elders and make sure to stand up for them. We learn love. We then learn the most important lesson of our lives – to watch over our parents when we are stronger than they are. While us humans, would not have as many autumn cycles, we do wither away, don’t we but we have our children to breed the next tree just the way trees have leaves.

In both the cases, neither the tree nor the leaves ever wanted to desert each other but that’s a process. That’s nature. That’s how it works. We are so bound in this cycle that anything other than that seems out-of-place. Any other means of birthing, any other way of dying is unnatural.

I’ve grown into respecting the fact that nothing around us can be changed. Only we can change. And when people die unnaturally, it’s always been the most difficult for me to accept. Eventually I do but it requires reconciliation with our wasteful ways. Suicides, bombs, accidents, anything other than dying from old age is natural.

Respect mother nature for we are incapable of ever arresting its fury.