Greys Monotony

The Greys in me, teach me to,

Start putting my happiness first,

Give life my best,

Take life as I have,

Drink coffee when I want.

The Greys on my head, remind me,

That time is luxury I don’t have,

That I still have the world to see,

That I’ve learned a lot,

And yet nothing.

The Greys in me, remind me of the,

Twinkle lost from your eyes.

Smile that once washed your face.

Joy that you sprinkled with every step.

Touch that fluttered my heart.

The Greys in me, tell me,

I’m guilty of robbing that twinkle,

I’m wiping the smile,

I’m trampling the joy,

And I’m now, missing that touch.

Weekly Writing Challenge – Kill Your Darlings

Truth, That Is You!

Quoting from the prompt

“There is beauty in truth, even if it’s painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one’s character, one’s mind, one’s heart or one’s soul.”

– José N. Harris

Trust me, liars get my attention the quickest. Somehow, I smell them but this fickle mind believes that a liar is doing truth the justice when he lies and hence, belies the lie into a truth. It’s his responsibility to lie else truth won’t exist.

The sweeter the lie, the more painful is the truth that reveals it.

Just today, I got talking to a friend and he started with how when we get angry and yell at someone, we invariably feel sorry and yet end up choosing between revealing our guilt or no. He also pointed out the mental process that goes behind the anguish caused by the act and how it invariably lays the foundation to cover up the same angst in future. He was very clear in keeping the anger and the guilt it caused on a balance and how after we first choose the act, we invariably run for the other side – the guilt to keep up a balance derived from nature. And it happens really fast inside the brain, and yet never fails to leave an impression inside. He said that the choice is always clear but the brain, as it is trained to run for an excuse first and think logically later, comes up with a lie.

Guilt, ladies and gentlemen, has a tremendous power – it makes humans look and feel incredibly foolish which means embarrassment ahoy! To escape this, mind has to have plans ready and it thus, keeps a track of everything we do inside our subconscious, so we either don’t act that way altogether or be incredibly nimble in conjuring up a LIE! Not that Your’s Truly isn’t a master at the art, but doesn’t it need a thief to catch another?

Why do we lie? I say, we start to train our mind to hide the truth (guilt in the case above) and consequently lie from a very young age. It doesn’t come naturally to us. Parents never knowingly teach us to lie. Schools impart the correct wisdom, then where is it that liars are born? It all starts at home. We learn from our company. It’s a misconception among parents that their children can’t pay a heed to their lies because they are either too dumb or just don’t give a rats ass. These things are very small, so small that they in fact, must be forgotten and yet leave an impression lasting forever on a child’s mind.

“Hey Jo! Tell the man at the door that I’m not home yet” a boozing father says – Jo learns alibis that he’ll use against everything forever after.

“Hey Jo! Tell your dad I fell on the bathroom floor today and we’ll have to order food from outside and you can go buy your game DVD tomorrow. Here take the money” a lazy mother funnily tries to buy his son. Jo learns to disrespect his father.

“Hey Jo! You can tell your dad that you lost your ball and get money for another one, which we buy burgers with” Jo learns to lie to his parents for a burger that he would’ve anyways got, had he asked for it directly to them. Jo learns thievery.

In all the above cases, lies covered every evil. It seems like a lot of fun working over people to get things done, but this breeds dishonesty and knack for hurting people without knowing it. Lies destroy us – from inside. A lie is livable. It’s a world created in fantasies, bravado, and shining liveries. It hides the pain of the inside but instead of strengthening the soul, lies hollow it eating us everyday. It’s so lucrative and easy, some of us take permanent refuge in the deluge, forgetting that truth makes the soul lighter, stronger, and appreciable. Lies are a façade to our weakness. This mask though, is rotten from the inside. The longer you wear it, the more it disfigures the original identity. Every lie only moves you to away from the truth, truth that is you.

Seeing is Believing

Hate is a strong word isn’t it? Especially when it comes to things you do or get done in a day. I hate none of what I do. I love my job. I like the people around me who work just like me. We have a fun time. I love my home or whatever of a ‘Home’ we’ve made it into. I love my dog. I love my wife and doing stuff for her.

The only thing that ails my soul and which I think is entirely a waste of my time (some may argue it isn’t) is driving to and fro my office. I feel that hour and a half is the least productive time in my day and the best period I can use for my writing if someone drives my vehicle. It isn’t fruitful to my health for all the smoke and dust that enters me, sticks to me, and makes me look like a villager on either end of the journeys. It doesn’t exercise a single muscle of my body and if anything raises my blood pressure. 

And therefore, I want my robot to be a car that drives itself. I know they are still building on this technology and I may never be able to afford one for myself for it may never turn cheap and I know I’ll end up driving my car for my whole life whenever I own one, I want to nurture this dream. I know a lot of you may argue against me sleeping late and waking up late but because we’re talking solely about my comfort, this will be the pinnacle of the technology I wish to own.

The entire commute must get reduced to small phrases – “Driver, drive to my office” or “Driver, drive to my home”. Something voice activated and startable only using a password and it then does all the work itself while I commute hasslefree inside a clean cabin, undisturbed to write all I want. This way I’ll get a thousand other ideas to write about too by simply looking out of the window.

Some may argue, why not take a bus instead which will be cheaper? I say, I hate being around people. Crowd and bad smells simply tick me off. This when clearly, people are my best source of inspiration for thoughts and writing. Every living body feeds my brains with things and teaches me stuff that no books or internet can.

Seeing is Believing“.

A Cooked Blog

Sometimes I wonder what attracts you more to me,  a love for the unknown? A love for the hatred I have for the world? Curiosity for the time unknown? Unseen acts of horror, unprecedented valor, or kindness?

I feel you touch a piece of me everyday but never whole. The tingle that wakes up my sensations, often leaves my soul wanting for more. I get you one finger pore at a time and with each touch, the yearning for wholeness turns my skin inside out. Why can’t I have you more? Why don’t I get you more?

Can’t blame you though, my readers, for we are all travellers in the same boat. Kids, wife, parents, office, home, horrifying relatives, and time killing neighbors – they consume so much of our time and brain that there’s none left for us to use at the end of the day. Still we are motivated to do what’s right for us – write for ourselves, it’s an obligation to the inner you, isn’t it? You reach the desk at the last hour of the day, pick up your pieces of thoughts and right when you are about to hit the keyboard, you lose power. People with laptops can still work for a while but not desktop users like me. Our day just got pushed into a dark oblivion when there’s no option but to sleep, the thoughts still currying inside, the flavors dying to spill out on to a writing pad or a web page. But luck is having none of it!

I’ve been under such a spell since past 3 months. Everyday is a struggle – to stay awake, concentrate, be healthier, see certain things the way I would a few years ago, keep focus on the future all the while learning from the past and (the one that tops it off) yet, be fun.

My irritability around this time of the year isn’t a new phenomenon. From an early age, I found June, July, August and September – the hardest to deal with. Whether it be my bone crushing accidents, to hysteria among the people around me, diseases – it’s like a kill-switch turns on. People die, there are terrible news all around and concentrating is the last thing my brain does. This is also the time I wish, time should just fly by never concerning me with its nitty-gritty. These are easily the most non-productive months of my year. Do you have any months that particularly seem to concern you – ones that freeze your hands, swell your feet, numb your mind for the world around just picks up its frantic pace and tries to drag you with it?

It is these months though, I expect my dear readers to show me some love and be kind enough to keep this space engaged. And how well you’ve done it, BRAVO! You’ve read and read my stuff, appreciated it, hunted down my errors even when I wasn’t there for you…

You Cooked My Blog“!

And now it’s time for me put some dishes on the front burner and stir the pot to see what comes out next.

Liar Liar – Pants on Fire

Run around and shout all you want. Raise your volume to decibel levels that make me shut my ears up. All lies are caught. Actually, the louder you are, the faster you run, the more things you throw around, the greater your lie is.

Lies just kill you – everyday. The more you keep your brain occupied with lies, lying, and remembering them, the lesser it thinks of better things. Keep lying and one day you lose all smile, all charm. Plus the constant fear of getting caught by the people who you may actually love and the wrath and indignation that go with all lies. A lie is never alone. A lie comes in groups and serious numbers. So weak is a lie, that it can’t survive without another. And this is only what you are doing to just yourself. Think of what you doing to others! Giving false hopes, false personification, false egos, and falser intelligence – you are not only destroying someones life but probably even robbing them of eventual pride in themselves of making better decisions and making them sulk in self-pity.

The power of truth though destroys all lies. Truth not only makes you a beautiful person, it makes your head clutter-free. You don’t have to remember all that you’ve said before because truth never changes. Its harder to swallow and get your head around but a simple realization and some acceptance turn all gloom to smiles. It makes you stronger. It lets you stand in the crowd and never lets you doubt your ability. You may fall in some eyes for being cruel and heartless but the confidence you impart to others is absolutely critical – both to you and them. Not only will people look up to you for advice and support but the respect you earn doing this is priceless.

Not that I haven’t ever lied to preach so much about truth but I’m changing and these are my first few steps to realize that self-respect is above all respects. This is my attempt to mend my reputation and gain further trust. I’m being brutal. I’m letting it all rip out from my heart always remembering that hiding the truth too is a form of lying and yet, not everyone needs to know everything about me. Sharing does relieve your heart but it also reduces the value of some of your cherished memories.

Speak the truth, for none can embrace you like you can.

Rediscovering The Original

I was lost. I had gleefully claimed to have found light never knowing that even darkness has disguises. It nearly consumed me. My passivity had had it’s versions but this was one of its most glorious forms. I am now very well aware of who I am on the other side. The other side of me is like the other side of Hulk. Hulk has just one motto – SMASH.

My darkness has one motto – HURT! It was a revenge. A revenge on this world for having treated me so bad. And I never could have enough of that revenge. We never can, can we? Sometimes I feel it is so cruel to feel such delight in someones agony caused by your revenge. But this sudden will to hurt others simply drives us to the pit that we thought will accommodate the world. But No. I made a journey down this endless pit I had dug up, this abyss, and back, and I now feel cured. The dark undertones of sound in each ear now make me pity my other self every moment. How weak and pathetic was I?

My blood toxicity reached a peak after 17 years of blithe ignorance towards my body. The marks on my face, the fat under my skin, the cry for attention underneath the happy façade – all have had their moments of crest. In trying to hurt others, I hurt myself so much, pain became the shadow to this darkness, a friend I always called for distraction.

I needn’t look any further than myself to know what pessimism means. Not anymore. As I complete a month of sobriety, the only promise I can make to myself is that the promises I make to myself again, will never feel the need for a call. Action and not words will lay the foundation for my course. Not that I’ll stop writing, rather writing will determine my actions. Actions that make me win each day in some way.

No more shaky start to my days. No more blurred visions and no more dreadful dreams. No slouching, no taking shit from anyone. If you’ve got the guts to try to knock my confidence down, my guts will not hold back either. No more being scapegoat-ed. No more cries for attention. If its my past that encourages my present, so be it. It’s the only book that teaches me. An unforgettable memoir of pain, humiliation, bad tastes in the mouth, knock outs and some love when I least expected it.

The Story Of A Lemon Race

“Did someone just POOP?”.

I dreaded/dodged this question for an awfully long time during my childhood. Well let me just admit it – I had weak bowels! I suffered disasters when none expected them and hence, the QUESTION. Those, who’ve borne witness to those grotesque scenes will admit that my primary school days weren’t very kind to me, and to them.

The issue as of today stands CORRECTED and hence, no qualms exist!!!

However relieving this embarrassing announcement is, announcing “IT” isn’t the primary aim of this post. But then, it also isn’t the aim of this blog, to find old classmates. In a rather surprising turn of events, Hina, my classmate from one of my primary schools, dropped me a warm message a few days ago and I couldn’t help but let you people in on it. I haven’t felt so thrilled in ages. You can find her comment in the link below –

Unforgettable Past – ITARSI – The Escapade

She not only remembers the characters in the post but she also was kind enough to let me know, how great our school really was during those days of limited resources and how exactly she stumbled upon my blog. She was searching for the name of our school and that’s how she came across Views Splash. Not only does the search thing on Google work, it actually provides my blog in search results too – amazing, isn’t it!

What I do want to share with you today though, is how I cheated for the first time (that I can remember of). It was nearing evening when our school decided to hold games for all the classes the next day and a messenger announced it in every class in those email-less days. I can’t recall clearly but think I participated in a couple of events, one of which was the “Lemon Race”. After being told to bring a spoon for the race, I was explained how the race is run. The contestants hold their spoons in their mouth using the handle and place the lemon on the curve and run without dropping the lemon. Whoever crosses the finish line first, wins!

I went home and told my mother about it. We sat for dinner when I saw my brother suckle at his favorite spoon and an idea struck the dead neurons in my brain. The spoon you see was quite broad at the handle and had a rather deep oval.

“This will definitely suffice my need” and so I thought.

After the dinner, I picked the spoon, placed a lemon on it, pursed the handle of the spoon between my lips and ran. The lemon fell after a few steps. I ran again and the lemon fell.

“This isn’t working”.

I tried again to check my fault and it turned out, the oval was doing its job correctly at the front but the lemon jumped ship from the back i.e. the handle end. So I worked with the spoon a bit and lifted the oval of the spoon to roughly 165 degrees with the handle which further deepened the spoon and gave the lemon a resting arm. I ran again and this time the lemon didn’t fall off. Now I happily awaited the next day to check out my competition and see how everyone else was faring with their spoons and whether there were any tricks used like I had.

The next evening arrived and the event-o-clock struck. As I went around casually checking everyones spoons, I found they hadn’t tinkered the slightest with the spoon. I started feeling guilty the moment I hit the finishing line in the first place. I saw everyone and only one other boy had managed to finish with rest trying to figure out where their lemons scurried to.

I won a plate, with a rather uncomfortable conscience, and yet I was still proud, not for winning the competition though. I was proud for I tried something different with my brain, something I wasn’t really used to. Regarding the guilt, I guess I was so small then that, it was better I left the guilt at the finishing line.

The reason for this post is 2-fold –

1. Weekly Writing Challenge – Memoir Madness. I now proudly say that –

“When life gave me lemons, I won a lemon race”.

2. The link between my confession in the first part of the post and the second is the friend who found me. A lot of school memories came flooding back and I shared two of those with you, the ones that really turned some of my early ways. It shows how embarrassment and guilt are some of the ingredients I’ve dealt with in my recipe called Life.

When I Die Everyday

Alarm plays.

Life calls,

Bed befalls.

Ground is cold.

Feet complain.

Groan escapes.

Swiped eyes,

Search for light,

Ache in the torso,

Reminds me of the years left.

Wish I turn back time,

To create a rhyme,

That’s all mine.

An unflustered unsung melody.

That I hum in my shower.

———-*********————

Described in fifty words above is the moment when some of me dies and some of me is born everyday.

Posted for Fifty – Word Inspiration.

Inspired by my day and Little Matters.

My Fifty Word post – Story Of My Life

Here are the current entries for this week’d writing challenge –

  1. ALIEN AURA’S BLOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!Inspiration – and stimulation!
  2. Under the Monkey TreeInspiration from the Past
  3. In my worldIn the beginning there were Fifty words
  4. BumblepuppiesThe Letter G Insults My Intelligence
  5. shivansh chaudharyIn no time, time flies by!
  6. gillybirdsInspiration
  7. The Finicky CynicFifty-Word Inspiration (#JuneJour Challenge, Day 15)
  8. The Things I Yell at My Television…Fifty
  9. PSEUDOMONAZNow That You Are Gone
  10. Chasing A Dream“Fifty”:”Unexpected”
  11. Following My JoyYou Left
  12. eternal DomnationSush
  13. theempathyqueenThe Teenage Years in Fifty Words
  14. jscottiblogNicky and the Girl in the Yellow Sundress
  15. If Crazy Fits Wear ItFifty Word Inspiration – Disappointment
  16. I’ve Got A StoryWallflower
  17. Reject RealityThe Kiss
  18. The Uncustomary HousewifeThe Bipolar Mind: In Fifty Words
  19. The Uncustomary HousewifeA Fifty Word Recipe to Saving the World, Almost.
  20. bodhisattvaintrainingdaily post writing challenge
  21. Scattered ThoughtsWP Writing Challenge : 50 Words Fiction
  22. lifespinkyHe Didn’t Leave … Me
  23. Meaningful Mommy“Unexpected…becoming a mother”.
  24. The Seminary of Praying MantisTold destiny continues
  25. Mad Meandering MeWeekly Writing Challenge: Fifty Words Inspiration
  26. Dance With MadnessDrifting
  27. Short…but not always so sweetStretching the Dollar (50 words)
  28. stepin2purposeThe Will to Move
  29. tnkerr-Writing Prompts and PracticeDid I Say That Right?
  30. Musings of a Random Mindlove isn’t forever
  31. wandering story tellerLove at first sight
  32. The Persian FlawRemnants Of A Lake
  33. helen meikle’s scribblefestWeekly challenge: It’s all as inspiring as a cracked bell
  34. tuckedintoacornerFifty Words
  35. Project MomentarilyHope in the dark
  36. Love Happy Notes – Daily Fun and InspirationYesterday’s Hero
  37. Love Happy Notes – Daily Fun and InspirationA Life to treasure
  38. Love Happy Notes – Daily Fun and InspirationA better life
  39. Love Happy Notes – Daily Fun and InspirationYOU ARE A WINNER!
  40. Love Happy Notes – Daily Fun and InspirationThe Wild Ones
  41. Love Happy Notes – Daily Fun and InspirationDoggie stompin’ on Fear
  42. Joie De VivreElliot
  43. theimaginariumofkitti’s BlogButterflies
  44. Chronicles of an Anglo SwissWeekly Writing Challenge – The Death of a Jabberwock

A Voice Unheard is a Voice Lost!

Ah the beauty of the songs! The rappers, they exist to let our voice out. Our voice, a common man’s voice with not enough sound and words.

How many of us partners in a relationship find ourselves in two different worlds with a sudden urge to improve our lives, fulfil our dreams, live our fantasies, only that we are the only hinderance in their plans? The thought that sticks out is, ‘I can do so much more and give us so much more, just that I’m in love with you and I can’t leave you’. Such crossroads seldom come but when they do, they are a real test of patience, trust, and responsibility towards each other. The path of my life that I once swore by, stands divided. My phase has arrived. I face 2 routes now –

1. To go ahead and give way to freedom of thoughts and actions. A path I’ll choose for every living being on this planet at any moment of my life. They all have the right to live their own life, do what they want to and experience life on their terms. Why do I give this freedom? Because this is one luxury I don’t give myself. I’ll forever feel responsible – to stay away from trouble as much as I can, to keep my partner away from one, and pavé way for them when they are stuck in their life, to steer them clear from any possible danger. I’ll never let go no matter how easy someone makes it for me. People have tried but this hard assed brain just can’t make peace with responsibility.

2. The other option is to stop this infighting inside my brain, pause life around me and say NO. No! Whatever we do, we do it together and never leave each other even if it means killing a thousand seeds of dreams and some dreams themselves. How cruel will that be?

Also when I say NO, don’t I go against a nature – Mine! How will I ever console myself if there was an opportunity to be had and I let it go or made others let it go? What if an idea never turned true only for my selfishness? Aren’t I the devil then?

A thing I’ve had plenty of is failure – lots of them, some of them even career threatening and the only thing I gave myself then were chances in abundance. Chances to perform, to stand up straight and adore myself once in a while gleaming with pride in the face of a mirror. And it’s these chances that everyone deserves and must yearn for. An indomitable spirit, in more cases than not, paves way towards your aim. Be positive and it in turn creates positive waves around you that affect everyone and fills them with positivity too, something they may have forgotten to imbibe within themselves.

All you’ve got to do then is – Shout it out, as loud as possible! And things are ticked into motion just to fulfil your destiny, your wish. It’s not hope, it’s a belief and I live by it. For until your words don’t leave your brain, they’ll forever remain unheard and unacted upon.

Be your own gramophone! 😀

A Gift

Today I realized, I have a gift. Not the gift of words. Not the gift of wisdom. No gift of any superhuman nature.

Today, I stand 1000 times stronger. My strength has grown, though I haven’t been here to enjoy and devour it. Today I realized, there are exactly 1000 people following me, backing me, nodding with me, living my expressions, and listening to me. I wish I could do anything more than simply say a Heartfelt Thanks!

To all of you, who are my gift – Take A Bow! I wish I could unwrap your blogs everyday but then there’s only so much I can do in a day’s worth of time!

The Perfect Thing

Oh man! It’s been so long when I last wrote, I can’t remember these settings too! Truthfully, there are multiple rivers flowing above my head and the crazy part is I don’t yet feel like drowning. Eyes shut tight, breathless as I am, I’m ready to wait forever to let the water ebb. The rivers aren’t disturbing me. They are deafening me – a sensation I’ve yearned for, for far too long.

As I pick up my keyboard, I feel a sudden rush of adrenaline and tingle running up and down my spine. I’m at the top of my senses. I see better with my eyes closed tight shut. I feel deprived. And there’s certain fun in chasing things that make you weak. A pleasure in guilt. But then there’s so much I want and I am confused. Which one first? Not that I have all means to get everything I’ve ever wanted, so being patient is my best option. See how things pan out and be ready for all that life has to offer me.

This is where I wake up, see things, feel stifled, and curl back into my bed. This is when life sucks when I’m brought back to my reality, a harsh harsh world. But I have my keyboard still firm in my hand and I feel relieved, for my escape to extraordinaire persists. A door remains. This is my setting for that illusionary perfect write-up.

Good Morning Everyone!

… On The Road #3 – SAMROADING

Many people will give you many a advice about what speed to drive at in varying traffic conditions. Some say drive at a speed that suits your style and reflexes. Some say that always have patience and be slow, for there’s an accident always awaiting round the corner.

I say – drive at the speed of the traffic! Not necessarily tucked behind someones back but maintain some distance and keep a check that you aren’t getting left behind while also ensuring that you don’t start to lose your concentration if they increase their pace.

Most accidents on the road occur because you are either too slow or too fast. Too slow and you get bumped from behind by someone moving even at mediocre speeds. Too fast and you all know where they go! 🙂

What the aforesaid advice also does is, keeps your brain free from a lot of unnecessary clutter clouding your brain – “What will I have for lunch”, “Will I get home early and have sex tonight” or “I wonder if I want to see my boss’s face today” and bla bla! This way you are kept moderately busy while you can hog a chocolate when the traffic gets slower in city conditions whereas on the highways, better have chocolates at some restaurants! 😀

Today’s daily prompt gave me an idea to name this series of posts about how to go about driving in this mad rash world of hateful drivers – SAMROADING!

So SAMROADING says, never rush and ALWAYS LISTEN TO DEEP PURPLE!

… On The Road #2

Do not overtake someone only to slow down right in front of him. This is the most annoying thing you do while driving! Not only are you wasting a lot of someones time, you are also garnering a lot of negative praises that are hitting your back and may also be true! 😉

But then, there is never any harm in knowing the truth, is there?

Hope when WE met!

This one’s easy – it’s my wife!

I remember the restaurant

I remember the hue

I remember the dreamy silhouette that was you!

You appeared from the lights

And blew mine away.

All I saw was you

That smile in the fray.

We talked and talked

For hours and hours

Your career and mine

For an unsurpassable length of time.

Till we were caught dreaming

By our Dads screaming!

 

Liebster Award

This is a response to Fatima who nominated me for Liebster Award. I’m truly humbled that you mentioned Views Splash in such good stead and hence, I’d like to reply to your questions –

Q.1- What was the first thought when you named your blog?

– Have fun. I had no serious aim with it, except to see how strangers with a passion to read, write and share, interact with each other.

Q.2- Mountains or Ocean? Which person are you?

– I’m an ocean trying to be a mountain. An inexplicable task but that’s precisely how I see it.

Q 3- What is your favorite cuisine?

– Indian (Veg).

Q.4- Which sports do you like? Which team do you support in that respective sport?

– I follow a lot of sports and I won’t count cricket as a sport. It’s a game. Among sports, my favorite is soccer and I support Spain.

Q.5- City life or Country life?

– Country life as far away from the city as possible. I’ll actually love to do farming and build my own structures for survival.

Q.6- Do you like to read books? If yes which genre?

– Anything in fiction and history.

Q.7- One thing you never forget to carry with yourself?

– My headphones. Music is my life.

Q.8- Sweet tooth or Savory?

– Both. Sweet when I’m not savory!

Q.9- Which weather do you like?

– Summer and winter!

Q.10- Your favorite fast food, if any?

– Dosa.

Q.11- Which genre movies you like?

– Action, suspense, horror.

I generally refrain from accepting awards now but I’ve never asked these questions to myself and so decided to have some fun. Thank you Fatima for giving me this opportunity! 😀

I will love to mention that Fatima is a brilliant poet and writer. Please don’t forget to visit her blog. The link is upstairs at the top!

Crotchety Chump

Don’t we all want happy faces around us all the time? We are all selfish and in turn want to share the communicable cheerfulness to brighten our own days. Grumpy looking people often make for a bad viewing and… company. Happy people share jokes, make us laugh, spread positive energy with their infectious smiles, and even make some unhappy ones seriously jealous. But have you ever thought why some of us are permanently grumpy? Don’t you think that they too want to flex their cheek muscles at least once every day and smile for a change?

Yes, I am grumpy. I’m told by people that there are, at max, 4 expressions that they’ve seen me wearing. I haven’t practiced them in the mirror. I just look that way. It’s, in all practicality, impossible for me to stay happy and smile all the time, for from time to time, the realities of life keep dawning upon me. Earlier my problem was I wanted to keep everyone else happy. I failed! Then someone, a few years back, told me to start thinking about myself and now my problem is I want to keep myself happy. I’m not fairing any better here as well. My sofa needs cleaning. I need new mattresses. I need a new seating arrangement for my PC at home, new chair and table, more ergonomic. I need to get the engine on my bike repaired and blah blah! I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s precisely how grumpy people talk, BEAR IT!

So what exactly does grumpy mean?

– Bad-tempered and sulky.

– Crabbed; annoyed and irritable.

Synonym – Crotchety!

Just like the way happy and cheerful people have days when they are sad and depressed, we, the grumpy ones; have days when we are Happy and Cheerful for once. It’s difficult for us to leave our comfort zone. Deep down we love the way people hate us, despise us, want to hurt our face so bad, that we look even grumpier. But that’s where we WIN every day. For no one hits us. No one can do a shit about the way we look or behave. All that they can do is look away which is precisely what we want – no attention! It serves me better that I’m introvert as well.

There are several emotions, aren’t they? We sift through plethora of them every day – from happy to sad or angry or empathetic in matter of seconds. It’s these emotions that often drive our moods. These emotions change the way we perceive our world, see its colours, and hear its sound – basically change the way we feel it.

What I find most interesting though is how some emotions bring out the best in you while some doom you to obscurity. These emotions impact our will to achieve like no other person ever can. They impact our state of mind and the vibes coming from us in general. These emotions are quite distractingly very visible and are quite in-your-face.

My mother has one such emotion – anger. She cooks her best food when she is angry. Me and dad used to secretly wish for her to get upset and then cook (psst psst we still wish so). It used to start with an argument between them that I’ll never understand. They never made sense to me. They were so – worldly. Dealing with day-to-day issues that anyone of them could resolve in the blink of an eye. Anyways – food and anger! Yes, this is one complaint my mother always has when she is angry – she keeps saying she hates cooking. That how she hates every moment spent in the kitchen and yet, when she sees dad set the first foot across the threshold of its entrance to cook himself, she’ll jump in and prepare some of the tastiest drool-worthy delicacies, a human will ever taste – all in a fit of rage and knowledge that dad will ruin everything inside the kitchen. The chances of her screwing up the food then drastically reduce to zero. I think most women will relate to this feeling!

And that brings me to my question – what’s the emotion that brings out the best in you?

Mine is anger and I guess this is something my mother has unknowingly rubbed onto me. I think clearer when I’m angry. I say better when I’m angry. My focus dramatically increases even when I’m venting out my anger on something completely unrelated to the real problem. I invariably end up doing all the right things when my hands are shivering with angst. The only problem is – that’s also the only time I’m thinking just for myself and in those on-the-thread moments, I end up hurting a few people.

Okay, then what’s the emotion that brings out the worst from you?

Mine is happiness. Yes, that’s the reason I’m grumpy. Happiness brings out my concern for others which in today’s world, is quite unappreciated. People start to think that I’m interfering with their lives when in the first place they are the ones sitting in my home, sipping beers, and sharing the sorry state of their sorry ass world with me – the most unconcerned person on this planet. People for some reason don’t understand genuine sympathy or empathy now. They fail to acknowledge an unselfish concern for their well-being but who can blame them. We all get ditched so many times and in so many ways, we can’t even rely upon ourselves to trust others and find their true motives, rest aside the chances of us believing anyone else for our good.

I guess I’m searching for unadulterated love, for my love even for myself isn’t enough pure!

Spam Comments

How many of you have suffered this way? You get a comment as below –

Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in trading links or maybe
guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website
covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we
could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog
by the way!”.

As you can see, the only ambiguity in this comment is the email address, which isn’t provided. There are no grammatical or spelling mistakes or there may be one in “I’d” but I for one, found it very easy to go down this dump.

I got excited and all worked up because the link on the name took me to Wall Street Journal, Indian Edition – well that Kind of blew some part of me away for a night at least. I get up in the morning and the first thing I do is shoot an email at the given address in the comment and BAM! There’s a delivery failure.

OOOOOHHHH I lost sleep over this one?

This is a such a waste of everyone’s time. Why do this? What does anyone gain from this? Is there any way to escape them apart from the Akismet given by WordPress that does an all-time-amazing job at keep us unflustered in our blogging experience?

And if you Kate Johnson are a real person, please send me an email at samirmishra_05@outlook.com.

Thank You for all the nonsense you’ve created this morning!

Happiness or Elation?

A sense unknown.

A perception.

A smile resulting from a smile.

A story so cute, you can’t shut the teller up.

A moment so selfless.

A sensation so unadulterated.

A pet pal, overjoyed at your return.

A wife sleeping so sound.

A face so calm yet sure.

A heartfelt greeting.

A voice that whispers in your ears in the morning – “Wake up sweet heart!”.

A joke that tickles the child in you.

A note that fills your day with bloom.

A song that parallels the days feeling.

An inspirational moment.

A moment of pure genius.

A tear of peace from silence in the heart, in the mind, in the air.

That’s Happiness for me.

Whatever it is, it’s definitely a feeling I forgot a long time back, and I can only guess if that’s happiness I remember. That night of rejoice, of yelling till the throat hurt, of hugs, of tears, of satisfaction. These days, elation simply causes high blood pressure. I can’t breathe. It’s been so long that things went my way, simple enough granting of wish sounds like happiness.

Is elation, happiness? Is happiness a milder form of elation?

Here are the definitions from the web for the two words –

Elation

an exhilarating psychological state of pride and optimism; an absence of depression.

Happiness

state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

I think both point towards an absence of depression. Just that elation specifically involves a sense of “ME” where happiness is a general term for a plethora of emotions that may or may not involve a smile. What do you think?

Riding the Tides

You know, there are things that we do over and over again for a considerable period of our life and then, someday we stop doing them, for whatever reasons. We never know if they were for good or bad, for they in their time never held any meaning. Then one day we stop doing them. All  they give us are memories, some cherishable and some not so.

The one thing I’m doing ever since I learnt to control handles and balance, is ride. Ride, to and fro, carrying people at my back.

The 2-wheelers that I’ve used are –

1. BSA SLR – Bicycle.

BSA SLR Image

2. Kinetic Luna Super Star – A bicycle with an engine, a clutch and accelerator.

luna

3. Hero Puch Shakti 3G – A mini demon. The smallest geared bikes with the smallest of engines – a mere 65CC.

Hero Puch Shakti 3g

4. You’ve all already met my 4th companion, Bajaj Pulsar 180CC – One of the oldest and proudest giants in the history of Bajaj sporting bikes in India. Without it, I’m lost.

My Ride

During my schooling and engineering, my brother rode as my pillion. They were fun times. Nothing except the rides changed over the years. From bicycle to Luna to Shakti, that part of our life is one the longest case of the association between brothers and their rides. We rode for long hours and I don’t remember him, even once, asking me to let him ride. He was happy and content, at the back, watching the world and giving all sorts of running commentary, describing the surroundings. Watching girls, eateries, escaping seniors, riding in the rain – through love and through fight, those days will forever remain fresh.

There was one instance when while returning from our school, it was raining really hard. I decided to have some fun and starting riding through puddles of rainwater, which soaked all of his shoes from the inside. I kept doing it, when in a fit, he opened his water bottle and emptied it straight into my shoes, and all this 60 kmph. We laughed all the way to our home. One of the happiest memories I have with him.

We’ve had our share of accidents as well, when in all the occasions, he jumped off well before the fate hit us. He is thankfully smart in those situations when I’m not. Twice in those accidents, I hair-cracked my left shoulder. But they never deterred me

Then my ride changed to Pulsar and the speed at which I normally rode changed. I remember once, when he was in Bangalore, spending time on bench in his company, I used to drop him to his office. We used to take the ‘Nice’ road. It was one clean and zero traffic road, 16 kms in length. We reached 120 kmph one day. He simply closed his eyes and felt the speed while I just enjoyed the fastest that I had ever ridden, things passing by me in time smaller than the blink of an eye. I miss those moments.

Then came my wife, and so changed my speed. All she ever has said about my riding is – “You are the only one with whom I don’t try to balance the bike”. I clearly am her favorite!

Riding is also the time, I think about my life the most. I contemplate all serious issues, when I’m seated on my bike. I have my commentary running for all that while. “Government must ban all women and old drivers”, “Why the fuck does everyone change their lines at the last moments”, “What happened to them indicators” yada yada.

And then there’s my favorite song by Joe Satriani – “Ride” – that defines some philosophies of my life –

This clearly is my favorite daily ritual!

It’s Friday Again

It’s Friday again! Last time I wrote something, was Friday too. This sucks. All my blogging has jumped out the window into a squishy puddle and here I am sitting as uninspired as I have ever been.

Writing suddenly seems the job of a privileged few. Time and energy absorb all my thoughts for the day and even when fingers are ready to start dancing on the keyboard again, the brain keeps dead.

Anyways, here’s a question. How many times does your work day break into something ever so beautiful and relaxing? Mine did, yesterday.

It was one of those weird Delhi evenings that plunged into darkness earlier than usual, for its summer and the sun doesn’t set till some minutes after 7 pm. Yesterday though, the weather Gods generously laid some mercy on the scorching earth. Having to stay late for some urgent delivery and with the office emptying at the rate of knots, I got some time on my hands and was left pondering whether to indulge in some writing or extend some gratitude to fellow bloggers first. With no ideas lurking close, latter ensued.

The skies suddenly went murky and triggered a thunderstorm with parched rains. The rain, how much ever it was, rammed hard into the windows, cooling the dry earth and buildings, quenching some thirst. It was beautiful. But I wasn’t enjoying it, for the fear of rain triggered traffic jams started to set in.

Time passed slow gazing at my laptop with the skies in the background, and with the delivery done, came my turn to head out and ride the devil. OH WHAT SMELL OF THE EARTH greeted me! A surprising smile broke on a slumbering face. The cool air mixed with rain washed dust, beat my helmet, and I felt no remorse in taking it off to expose my face to the wind. There was a certain silence in that whistling storm. So strong were the winds, they nearly pulled the feet off my bike a couple of times, and had I been any lighter, would certainly have scraped my ass a couple of times, at least.

I felt a tingle running from my feet into my spine. It was so freshening and relieving, and I couldn’t help but thank my decision to stay late in the office till late.

It’s been a draining week and life’s not about to get any better for a couple more. With a huge delivery coming up and a barrage of defects expected, next weekend could be a tough one. This weekend though, I have my wifes root canal treatment coming up. Oh that pain, that pain I feel when she silently keeps wincing with every bite, I want it to end. And so it will, with a series of sittings at a dentist.

Well then, here’s me signing off, simply hoping for better days ahead!

Hope

A belief is a strange concept isn’t it? And today’s prompt brings me to an even pivotal question – what do you believe in?

In all the unkindness of life, the only gift I’ve received is a belief in myself. People ask me – “What’s it that pushes you to the write everyday? What’s it that those invisible people give you?”.

My reply is simple – “What, in all your glorious presence, have you ever given me?”.

These answers were hard to come by. I’d rather have withstood the harsh words and satire, sipped on the bitter pills, and slouched into my bed. Not now. I now see hope. I now see acceptance. I now see feedback. I now feel a renewed energy and motivation, not to just run through my days like a dead bat and in the process gain, learn, acknowledge, and foremost converse.

It’s not just an empty drum aimlessly rolling in a desert. This drum is now ploughing its own road. Before I sleep every night, I now make mental notes of the numbers on my blog, the direction in which it is headed and its true purpose. I live in it. The world outside is slowly dying a painful death while the world inside now has little leaves popping out. Clear, green, fresh, and satiating the hunger of a burnt heart.

The boat of hope in my heart is finally afloat!

Baptized in the River

I read this prompt and the first question that popped in my tiny tired little brain at 11:45 pm in the night was – what do they mean by prized? And I slept over it.

The morning held further questions. Is it something you won as a prize but holds no meaning in your life for it’s a mere trophy? Is it something that makes you feel prized? Is it an object? Is it a feeling? Is it a perception? Is it a universal truth? Shouldn’t it hold value in your life?

So I decided to go through some prompts and I realized being ‘prized’ is a mere perception. The word makes us realize its virtue from both sides. The answer to all my questions above is a sweet and simple ‘YES’.

So what is my prized possession? Something I learned from a lot of mortifying years of anarchy in my thoughts. Freedom!

Freedom of space, speech, and foremost thoughts! I’m unafraid.  Confusion and betrayal have given me the name of the only person to trust on this planet and since, I’m never leaving this planet before my death, that name is mine! Trust no one. And it is this trust, that gives my thinking a new and distinguished sense of freedom.

I crossed many a rivers to mentally reach where I am today. I started to write. There is nothing more that I can do to erase all self-doubt. And here is a song that truly expresses my freedom –

Baptized in the river – Yes, I am!

P.S. – Is it OK if I use baptized for purified the way I did here?

Choices

Ever felt like being stretched from your hands and legs, spread eagled in the air, helpless, caught by the people whom you so despise but you once trusted with all your heart? I think I’m going through a period when I’m now so used to this feeling that it feels more like an exercise. Everyday, I’m stretched painfully in either direction, emotionally. I have no clue when I’ll break but tension is high and I feel it in my veins. This isn’t normal – the way I’m trying to live, castrated by the things I’ve so loved. Brainwash seems imminent!

Anyways, that’s about me. Regarding this stretching, have you ever noticed how there’s always a power struggle between the ones who tend to take the middle path and the ones who don’t. Let’s call the former as ‘M’ for middle path and ‘B’ for clearly biased.

M’s, I think, are closer to attaining spiritual freedom, for they tend to keep their heads still, and always try to weigh the outcome of either of the choices. These are the people, whose focus is set at equality, and that they must never hurt anyone with their choices. They are often more articulate than most. These people tend to use a proper combination of heart and brain to weigh their options. These are also the people who’ll stay confused for far longer than most and don’t tend to come to conclusions until their set criteria is met.

3339640903_1a76436b41_z

The B’s though, tend to think more from their heart than their minds. They have a tendency to start building an opinion after they have elected for an option which makes them rather more prejudiced and prone to making mistakes. These are also the people, more hasty and unclear in their thinking. Their world revolves more around showing off than actual reasoning. These often have high egos which further prohibits clear thinking. They are also the people who tend to disturb the M’s more than anyone else. These people think, since they’ve made their choices early, they’ve got to have materialistic evidence to support their argument and this is where M’s come in.

B’s invite M’s to their side by telling them how lucrative and correct their side/argument is. B’s in this sense are manipulative as well. In short, B’s are often better equipped to take the world head on than the M’s. M’s hence find it even harder to make their choices. M’s are far more influenced than B’s who don’t leave a room for any further influence on their decisions than their own.

My friend narrated me the story of some man in American continent, who used to answer every question using just his right index finger. There were several attempts to figure out what exactly he meant by that index finger. Was it one, solitary? It was hard to find. Even when dying, the answer to the question about his index finger was… ‘an index finger’. Few years later, a very intelligent version of the finger arrived, in that, he always meant that “All is One”. That with experience we learn to take the middle road to happiness, in that the happiness of polarity in decisions becomes immaterial. That after a point in life, that one point, all your choices are correct. You have attained what’s called Spiritual Nirvana.

My argument, for which he had no answer was, is as follows –

What if the entire thing of that one focal point, is an alibi to escape the logics of the world and avoid all further scrutiny, an escape route? Viewing it from a different angle isn’t that one focal point also a side that we’ve taken. Don’t M’s become the B’s then? Aren’t we all scared again and running away? Is Spiritual Nirvana a prejudice?

For a person who makes his choices carefully and after a lot of thought, it’s so slippery, this world! For one single slip of thought and you will end up making the wrong choice, and for all M’s, it’s a huge setback. For B’s though, this situation/condition never materializes for they’ve already made their choice and are more often than not, ready to live with the repercussions.

Wiki_Choices

I’ve made my choice and I am the middle-man, M.

What are you? M or B.

The Howler Award

Am I finally a member of a wolf pack? And the one that includes Alienora! Olayyyyy!

Thank You so so much dear Alienora for this honor. I’m always very reluctant to do awards posts but it’s simply you, who I’m doing this one for! I don’t understand the awards culture but even the feel of being a part of your wolf pack recharged my dying battery to write this last post before I hit the crash pad!

Image

The rules of this award are:

  1. Display the award on your blog. This can be in your sidebar or on a special award page.
  2. Thank the person who gave you the award and link to their blog.
  3. Give 3 examples of things you would like to see changed in the world.
  4. Nominate (in your own time) at least 5 bloggers that deserve the award.
  5. (Optional, hey you know me by now right??) Donate the equivalent of $10 to a charity of your choice (optional because I cannot check it, however it would be HIGHLY appreciated.

Wolves are faithful, loyal, social and honest. Please keep that in mind when awarding this to someone. Members of the WordPress Wolfpack can hand out the award at their own discretion, non-members can hand out the award after they have gotten it themselves or they can suggest the person they want to nominate to one of the wolfpack members.

Regarding the charity, my wife donates a trillion clothes, all bought with my money to orphanages for children under 3 years of age. I consider that my part as well.

 3 changes I’d want in this world –

1. I want 100% respect for women and death for all proven rapists.

2. I want cleanliness. I want people to start throwing litter only in the dustbins else wait till you find one. World is not your dustbin!

3. Remove all casteism from the society. That’s the evilest bug we’ve planted.

Here are the bloggers I’ve nominated for this award apart from Alienora of course, for she is already a part of my wolf pack (giggling) –

1. My Author-itis

2. Thoughts

3. sachemspeaks

4. Free Bird

5. Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss