My Soul

My world has no discrimination,
No gender,
No color,
No God.
It isn’t bathed in fear –
Of losing,
Of being looked down upon,
Of the unknown.
Of that parasite under the carpet,
Of death underneath that living breathing carcass,
Of running and gunning for that ever elusive prize.
When all that I came in and will leave with,
Is a soul.
A self-nurturing yet powerless form,
Misunderstood and unanswered.
I like to think of these chills as
My soul trying to shrug off the uncertainties,
A way for it to relax in this chaos that embraces my body like skin,
A way for it to absorb the vivid forms and colors of nature,
Air water sun and all.
I like to think of each day as another passing glance,
Over that field of opportunities,
To feed this soul,
To do 1 good thing for that solitary beacon of hope that truly belongs to me,
That one trustworthy mate that teaches you,
The difference between good and evil,
Right and wrong,
Pleasure and pain,
Want and need…
My Soul.

A Cooked Blog

Sometimes I wonder what attracts you more to me,  a love for the unknown? A love for the hatred I have for the world? Curiosity for the time unknown? Unseen acts of horror, unprecedented valor, or kindness?

I feel you touch a piece of me everyday but never whole. The tingle that wakes up my sensations, often leaves my soul wanting for more. I get you one finger pore at a time and with each touch, the yearning for wholeness turns my skin inside out. Why can’t I have you more? Why don’t I get you more?

Can’t blame you though, my readers, for we are all travellers in the same boat. Kids, wife, parents, office, home, horrifying relatives, and time killing neighbors – they consume so much of our time and brain that there’s none left for us to use at the end of the day. Still we are motivated to do what’s right for us – write for ourselves, it’s an obligation to the inner you, isn’t it? You reach the desk at the last hour of the day, pick up your pieces of thoughts and right when you are about to hit the keyboard, you lose power. People with laptops can still work for a while but not desktop users like me. Our day just got pushed into a dark oblivion when there’s no option but to sleep, the thoughts still currying inside, the flavors dying to spill out on to a writing pad or a web page. But luck is having none of it!

I’ve been under such a spell since past 3 months. Everyday is a struggle – to stay awake, concentrate, be healthier, see certain things the way I would a few years ago, keep focus on the future all the while learning from the past and (the one that tops it off) yet, be fun.

My irritability around this time of the year isn’t a new phenomenon. From an early age, I found June, July, August and September – the hardest to deal with. Whether it be my bone crushing accidents, to hysteria among the people around me, diseases – it’s like a kill-switch turns on. People die, there are terrible news all around and concentrating is the last thing my brain does. This is also the time I wish, time should just fly by never concerning me with its nitty-gritty. These are easily the most non-productive months of my year. Do you have any months that particularly seem to concern you – ones that freeze your hands, swell your feet, numb your mind for the world around just picks up its frantic pace and tries to drag you with it?

It is these months though, I expect my dear readers to show me some love and be kind enough to keep this space engaged. And how well you’ve done it, BRAVO! You’ve read and read my stuff, appreciated it, hunted down my errors even when I wasn’t there for you…

You Cooked My Blog“!

And now it’s time for me put some dishes on the front burner and stir the pot to see what comes out next.

A Voice Unheard is a Voice Lost!

Ah the beauty of the songs! The rappers, they exist to let our voice out. Our voice, a common man’s voice with not enough sound and words.

How many of us partners in a relationship find ourselves in two different worlds with a sudden urge to improve our lives, fulfil our dreams, live our fantasies, only that we are the only hinderance in their plans? The thought that sticks out is, ‘I can do so much more and give us so much more, just that I’m in love with you and I can’t leave you’. Such crossroads seldom come but when they do, they are a real test of patience, trust, and responsibility towards each other. The path of my life that I once swore by, stands divided. My phase has arrived. I face 2 routes now –

1. To go ahead and give way to freedom of thoughts and actions. A path I’ll choose for every living being on this planet at any moment of my life. They all have the right to live their own life, do what they want to and experience life on their terms. Why do I give this freedom? Because this is one luxury I don’t give myself. I’ll forever feel responsible – to stay away from trouble as much as I can, to keep my partner away from one, and pavé way for them when they are stuck in their life, to steer them clear from any possible danger. I’ll never let go no matter how easy someone makes it for me. People have tried but this hard assed brain just can’t make peace with responsibility.

2. The other option is to stop this infighting inside my brain, pause life around me and say NO. No! Whatever we do, we do it together and never leave each other even if it means killing a thousand seeds of dreams and some dreams themselves. How cruel will that be?

Also when I say NO, don’t I go against a nature – Mine! How will I ever console myself if there was an opportunity to be had and I let it go or made others let it go? What if an idea never turned true only for my selfishness? Aren’t I the devil then?

A thing I’ve had plenty of is failure – lots of them, some of them even career threatening and the only thing I gave myself then were chances in abundance. Chances to perform, to stand up straight and adore myself once in a while gleaming with pride in the face of a mirror. And it’s these chances that everyone deserves and must yearn for. An indomitable spirit, in more cases than not, paves way towards your aim. Be positive and it in turn creates positive waves around you that affect everyone and fills them with positivity too, something they may have forgotten to imbibe within themselves.

All you’ve got to do then is – Shout it out, as loud as possible! And things are ticked into motion just to fulfil your destiny, your wish. It’s not hope, it’s a belief and I live by it. For until your words don’t leave your brain, they’ll forever remain unheard and unacted upon.

Be your own gramophone! 😀

Crotchety Chump

Don’t we all want happy faces around us all the time? We are all selfish and in turn want to share the communicable cheerfulness to brighten our own days. Grumpy looking people often make for a bad viewing and… company. Happy people share jokes, make us laugh, spread positive energy with their infectious smiles, and even make some unhappy ones seriously jealous. But have you ever thought why some of us are permanently grumpy? Don’t you think that they too want to flex their cheek muscles at least once every day and smile for a change?

Yes, I am grumpy. I’m told by people that there are, at max, 4 expressions that they’ve seen me wearing. I haven’t practiced them in the mirror. I just look that way. It’s, in all practicality, impossible for me to stay happy and smile all the time, for from time to time, the realities of life keep dawning upon me. Earlier my problem was I wanted to keep everyone else happy. I failed! Then someone, a few years back, told me to start thinking about myself and now my problem is I want to keep myself happy. I’m not fairing any better here as well. My sofa needs cleaning. I need new mattresses. I need a new seating arrangement for my PC at home, new chair and table, more ergonomic. I need to get the engine on my bike repaired and blah blah! I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s precisely how grumpy people talk, BEAR IT!

So what exactly does grumpy mean?

– Bad-tempered and sulky.

– Crabbed; annoyed and irritable.

Synonym – Crotchety!

Just like the way happy and cheerful people have days when they are sad and depressed, we, the grumpy ones; have days when we are Happy and Cheerful for once. It’s difficult for us to leave our comfort zone. Deep down we love the way people hate us, despise us, want to hurt our face so bad, that we look even grumpier. But that’s where we WIN every day. For no one hits us. No one can do a shit about the way we look or behave. All that they can do is look away which is precisely what we want – no attention! It serves me better that I’m introvert as well.

There are several emotions, aren’t they? We sift through plethora of them every day – from happy to sad or angry or empathetic in matter of seconds. It’s these emotions that often drive our moods. These emotions change the way we perceive our world, see its colours, and hear its sound – basically change the way we feel it.

What I find most interesting though is how some emotions bring out the best in you while some doom you to obscurity. These emotions impact our will to achieve like no other person ever can. They impact our state of mind and the vibes coming from us in general. These emotions are quite distractingly very visible and are quite in-your-face.

My mother has one such emotion – anger. She cooks her best food when she is angry. Me and dad used to secretly wish for her to get upset and then cook (psst psst we still wish so). It used to start with an argument between them that I’ll never understand. They never made sense to me. They were so – worldly. Dealing with day-to-day issues that anyone of them could resolve in the blink of an eye. Anyways – food and anger! Yes, this is one complaint my mother always has when she is angry – she keeps saying she hates cooking. That how she hates every moment spent in the kitchen and yet, when she sees dad set the first foot across the threshold of its entrance to cook himself, she’ll jump in and prepare some of the tastiest drool-worthy delicacies, a human will ever taste – all in a fit of rage and knowledge that dad will ruin everything inside the kitchen. The chances of her screwing up the food then drastically reduce to zero. I think most women will relate to this feeling!

And that brings me to my question – what’s the emotion that brings out the best in you?

Mine is anger and I guess this is something my mother has unknowingly rubbed onto me. I think clearer when I’m angry. I say better when I’m angry. My focus dramatically increases even when I’m venting out my anger on something completely unrelated to the real problem. I invariably end up doing all the right things when my hands are shivering with angst. The only problem is – that’s also the only time I’m thinking just for myself and in those on-the-thread moments, I end up hurting a few people.

Okay, then what’s the emotion that brings out the worst from you?

Mine is happiness. Yes, that’s the reason I’m grumpy. Happiness brings out my concern for others which in today’s world, is quite unappreciated. People start to think that I’m interfering with their lives when in the first place they are the ones sitting in my home, sipping beers, and sharing the sorry state of their sorry ass world with me – the most unconcerned person on this planet. People for some reason don’t understand genuine sympathy or empathy now. They fail to acknowledge an unselfish concern for their well-being but who can blame them. We all get ditched so many times and in so many ways, we can’t even rely upon ourselves to trust others and find their true motives, rest aside the chances of us believing anyone else for our good.

I guess I’m searching for unadulterated love, for my love even for myself isn’t enough pure!

Spam Comments

How many of you have suffered this way? You get a comment as below –

Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in trading links or maybe
guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website
covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we
could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog
by the way!”.

As you can see, the only ambiguity in this comment is the email address, which isn’t provided. There are no grammatical or spelling mistakes or there may be one in “I’d” but I for one, found it very easy to go down this dump.

I got excited and all worked up because the link on the name took me to Wall Street Journal, Indian Edition – well that Kind of blew some part of me away for a night at least. I get up in the morning and the first thing I do is shoot an email at the given address in the comment and BAM! There’s a delivery failure.

OOOOOHHHH I lost sleep over this one?

This is a such a waste of everyone’s time. Why do this? What does anyone gain from this? Is there any way to escape them apart from the Akismet given by WordPress that does an all-time-amazing job at keep us unflustered in our blogging experience?

And if you Kate Johnson are a real person, please send me an email at samirmishra_05@outlook.com.

Thank You for all the nonsense you’ve created this morning!

I Smell People-ish

My dad arrived home today. He’s come to say goodbye to the sixth member of our family who leaves for US tomorrow! Sounds so hunky dory, doesn’t it?

But, I killed it for myself. I’m running low on cash these days, for a lot of travelling and health bills were torn against my name this month. So instead of taking the more expensive option of auto rickshaw, I decided to use the Delhi Metro to reach the New Delhi railway station and help dad deal with the luggage that he was carrying. Well it wasn’t as heavy as I’d expected but it sure was difficult bringing it up to the 2nd floor of my house.

So, DELHI METRO! The pride and joy of Delhi. The only project in India that’s actually making profit. The guys worked really hard and it shows. Terrific infrastructure and great maintenance. Something though, didn’t feel very right yesterday. As I gathered myself from slumber, and walked to the platform, there were huge groups of people waiting to board the metro. Something was wrong!

The metro arrived packed to its capacity and yet around 20 of us managed to find a place to stand with people’s armpits on my nose and my armpits on someone elses and what not! Ugghhhh!

Now to make matters worse, there are close to 15 metro stations between the station that I boarded and the New Delhi railway station. Each time the door opened for passengers, when 2 left, 4 boarded. I had my headphones plugged in though and people weren’t really bothering me, just that I knew how I’d smell like after I got down from the train. People inside just kept making space out of nowhere and people from outside kept boarding till the last inches were used up. And then some more came in!

cwg-metro

Then a scuffle stirred up. A police constable standing right in front of me and next to the door, tried to stop passengers from getting in, for there was absolutely no space left in the coach. The counter argument from the outside was – “You get down as you are the public servant” and they started pulling out the constable nearly tearing off the sleeves from his shirt. The constable though had nowhere to go, for he was stuck inside just like all of us were, and so they even couldn’t pull him out, such was the agony we were all going through!

To be honest, I was enjoying this. This misery that people decide to put themselves through everyday, made me feel proud of what I had achieved in life and how my resolution to never put up with this kind of life always put me in a better place. I made a resolution very early in my struggling days that I’ll never use public transport for two reasons –

1. Those places are very vulnerable and I have too much to do in life than die in an accident or a bomb blast.

2. They are very risky, for Indians in general treat public transport like the transport system owes them something once they’ve paid for the ticket. What they don’t think of is, these are the same buses and trains they may need to take everyday for the rest of their freaking lives, and they are all responsible for its upkeep and smooth operations. But once they stop respecting the means, the means stop respecting them and so they start crumbling, till they are at the point of breaking and that’s when public transport becomes a danger. Case in point, was the taxi that we boarded, once my family members had arrived. That taxi sounded awful and when it started to move, I felt the wheels coming off every time we made a left turn!

Now back to the Metro. We were about to reach the largest station among all metro stations – Rajiv Chowk. Rumors started flying that the train will be half empty by the time we leave this station, and sadly ALL the passengers along with me were eagerly waiting for this miracle to happen, quite badly! And like all stories that don’t have a happy ending, luck didn’t favor me this time! No one got down and still some more found a way to get in. The next station was where I was to unboard. This was real tricky. For once in my life, I had to handle people subtly and that I did. I started cracking mean jokes that made people laugh and in between, I’d ask them to make some space to let me reach the door, so I don’t miss my drop station caught up in this hell hole. And I made it, just not on my feet though. The moment the door opened, I (125 kgs) was picked up in the air and helped down right next to a pillar. I have absolutely no freaking clue how or what happened. I just counted my lucky stars for the night, checked my wallet and my watch, and started to walk to the railway station.

This was one hell of a ride, and I’m never travelling in a Metro again.  what’s tha God awful smell? Wait, I smelled  ‘PEOPLE-ISH’!

Learn From the Children

A few days ago I thought, what would it be like to still be a child? Clean as a slate. No problems, no rights, no wrongs, an indomitable spirit of a flying falcon, ready to pounce on every opportunity to play and do whatever he wants to – that’s a child!

I was thinking aren’t rights and wrongs mere perceptions? A child doesn’t come into the world knowing what’s right or wrong. We teach it to him. Some may say, we only teach them so they be careful. But aren’t we just suppressing an inherent nature to toy around with things? Aren’t we scaring him even before he tries? Yes, you got to hold his back but give him a fighting chance to instill the necessary courage and self-confidence to meet his goal! A child does what’s absolutely clear in his head. We simply got to teach them to trust and respect us.

They must be allowed to learn their own way. We must never fiddle with their nature for they’ve got to understand themselves early. They’ll eventually figure it out but it’s only they who have to – not the parents. Parents I know, may feel a bit bad about what I’m saying, but I have countless examples around me that are trying to just be themselves and not someone elses image of perfection. And they are the ones who are truly happy even in their failures, for they can positively and most assuredly say, they are on their paths to their own idea of glory.

Not everyone is a Mahatma Gandhi or David Beckham by birth. We must teach the children to think straight, give them knowledge that helps them achieve their dreams and I highly emphasize on “their dreams”. We should tell them the meaning of dreams and how important they are for contentment. Because without contentment, all that we achieve and earn is worthless. We can never be at peace without it.

Money is nothing but a tool towards contentment. Money is and will forever be the reason for the greatest wars and terrible atrocious crimes. He who has money is as discontented as the man without it, because he never finds out the true purpose of holding it. So he keeps running after it all his life, gaining nothing and hurting a million others. Why does he need it? Why is running after it so important? Parents have to make sure that they set an example to live modestly so children themselves never raise their bar of expectations – those expensive toys, iPods, iPads and stuff. Parents have to let the children outdoors, for indoors is where all the bad stuff is.

One person though who still has the heart of a child, is my wife. She doesn’t understand the complicated. Most people simply misunderstand her because they think she’s playing with their heads, being all intelligent and cunning and stuff but trust me, she isn’t even a decimal percentage of what we call cunning. I am cunning. I know people who can’t be trusted and they are so close to me. And yet all she cares about is, she doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She can’t seem to understand why on earth is she hated so much. My poor baby! How do I tell her, oh man!

I guess, she is the perfect example of who you must choose to be right from the start – free, warm yet chilled, and peaceful. And these traits are so easy to attain, if we grow up respecting everything that earth has to offer. People, animals, air, water, soil – respect everything and the world will respect you and that way, you’ll already have achieved 95% of what you may ever seek in your life.

And I keep thinking, why am I becoming a preacher when I can never follow it myself? Because that’s what I’ve chosen to be. To be the oppressed, a shield to someone who doesn’t know how to shield herself. I’ll take the hits while you run with your life. You just be… yourself. For that smile on your face is what keeps me going!

We have to learn from the children for we’ve forgotten the meaning of freedom and unprejudiced thinking. It is as simple as that!

Is this the End of Yuvraj Singh?

This article needed special guts, for it’s about an all-conquering Champion player who may not deserve such criticism but today is only a pale shadow his own former self, for it’s about a man who a whole nation is proud of, for it’s about a man who hurts the most when he’s not scoring runs!

Those who watched yesterday’s match, will provide a testimony of a player who’s terribly short on confidence. He just hasn’t looked like himself. The under confident footwork, the ebbing demeanor, that sinking chin, and eyes that just won’t match the levels with any other player in the team. He isn’t the same man who won MS Dhoni the most coveted World Cup in 2011. He isn’t the same roaring Yuvraj Singh.

He was a different man then, who’d match the best in the business any time of the day and between any dream of the night as well. And yet have enough to come out the next day and take on the next best. He was in a class of his own then. His feet moved ever so elegantly, he saw the balls earlier, and hence, read the lines better giving the bowlers an absolute nightmare. The nudges, the pulls, the hooks, the sweeps, the slog-sweeps, the cover-drives – lofted and otherwise, the square cuts, he was an absolute Indian treat to watch. The sore of the eye to the world and the twinkle of the eyes for India. He was untouchable – a terrific athletic and safe fielder, a fast runner – both on the field and between the wickets, and a man of organization. In all of the World Cup 2011, he fed off the confidence that he got from bowling his slow left armers which reflected in his batting too. Ask him now and he may himself say that those were the best days of his cricketing career.

Between then and now though, he’s had a rough ride. Forging through a near terminal illness, inspiring many a billions with his courage on the way, he came back on the scene with a bang, with a quick-fire 70 odd, and man, wasn’t Indian public and media gaga over his return. But since then, bowlers have figured him out, for he is still unsure about himself. For some reason, he doesn’t seem to bend down enough when playing his drives and his stride is shorter and legs stiffer. He isn’t playing straight enough. He’s trying to move but the feet take him to places inside the crease, he really doesn’t want to be.

And consequently, he now faces issues with fast bowlers, both seamers and swingers. He pokes at anything going away from him (very Gautam Gambhir style). I guess that’s what lack of form brings to you – an inherent urge to get off the strike so you spend more time on the crease. He doesn’t read the balls that come in and hence, sits like a duck being shot at. He is unsure about off-spinners bowling to him, for they have their own variations to bamboozle him with. It seems he has never played the doosra from any off-spinner, when all the while during his playing days, he had one of the best exponents of bowling doosra in his own team, bowling at him in the nets – Harbhajan Singh (and later Ravichandran Ashwin as well). A world-class batsman like him is facing issues differentiating between the balls that skid on and the ones that leave him. He isn’t watching the balls closely enough. The only bowlers he seems contented playing, are genuine leg-spinners who don’t have their own doosra, for that’ll take the balls away from him too. He’s hitting them for sixes aplomb!

His bowling too is coming apart, for the turn and guile isn’t visible and the man just lacks confidence to even arrive at the crease with a ball in his hand. The Yuvraj Singh of old who was once the go to bowler for MS Dhoni in crunch situations and who invariably broke critical partnerships, is now at best a part timer and much preferred is Suresh Raina.

Now some may say that he’s lacking opportunities and a long rope that MS Dhoni so often provides to players with promise, ones like Rohit Sharma. But I argue this point with the expectation that Yuvraj Singh carries with him every time he walks out to bat. Rohit Sharma is no Yuvraj Singh and may never even come close to achieving what Yuvraj has. But the Indian public looks at Yuvraj the same way they used to when he hit Stuart Broad for those 6 consecutive sixes in an over – the ever flamboyant batsman, who demolished bowling attacks at will and was once invincible. Players like Rohit Sharma have a lot of years still to go under their bellies but not Yuvi. He has to make the lost time count, for he owes it to his country and I certainly believe he knows it too.

But how do performances like the one yesterday help him get a go ahead from the selectors and the captain himself? Everyone’s looking at the World Cup in 2015 and although ICC T20 World Cup isn’t of the same the magnitude as the 50 over version, it certainly gives us a peek into what Yuvraj Singh is going through. It’s not just the lean patch that most batsmen go through a few times in their cricketing careers, it’s a total lack of belief in hitting the same balls that he so disdainfully dispatched out of stadiums in his hay days. No IPL style batting is going to help him earn his place in the national side. He has to come through stronger but till then, Indian side needs a stronger middle order that isn’t scared of facing the short pitched bombs that they’ll be pampered with, in Australia and New Zealand.

So who’d serve as his replacement, Cheteshwar Pujara? Ajinkya Rahane? With Suresh Raina himself now losing his place in the 50 over side, the Indian middle order looks the weakest ever. Whoever his replacements are, the best basis they must be selected on, is their ability to play the short pitched bowling else India look sure to not make it through, to even the second stage of the tournament.

Dhoni has a lot of issues at hand and a under confident Yuvraj Singh only makes the matters worse. How Yuvraj Singh goes on and fights his battles over the next six month is what will grab everyone’s eyeballs, for India needs him badly and knowing that tournaments like IPL will not serve him well, is what makes the onward journey even tougher for Yuvraj who clearly doesn’t have many opportunities at his disposal now, to impress the selectors and the ever believing Captain!

Go on Yuvi, we are praying for you to come back stronger!

Indian Bloggers

I’m perplexed. A year and half into my journey at WordPress, I am yet to understand, why can’t I and how do I engage Indian readers?

I am sure, my efforts to engage them may surely have lagged and so except for a select few, none have continued their journey with me. I keep asking myself, why don’t I reconcile better with my fellow countrymen? Anyone who would want to simplify my situation?

Speak vs Write – A Literal Debate

Write Better
Write Better

What is it that is more naturally correct? Writing or speaking?

I think the essence of answer to this question lies more in the answer to another question – which one hurts more?

As I write this post I am seriously contemplating, how important is spontaneity when replying verbally?

When we speak, the words that leave our lips are irrevocable. And when those words are meant to hurt someone, they may leave lasting scars. Those words are never a medicine to mend some wounds. They are what they are, knives disguised as scalpels. And they invariably achieve what they were set out to – blast the last shred of skin off the heart. The listener is more often than not supposed to act irrationally and may even cut the speaker short with a rebound of even harsher words or simply resort to violence. It’s also important to note that many would say the volume at which the words are spoken also holds a lot of importance. I’d advise them to visit me once. I’ll show them, hands on, how I can do what many can’t at maintainable and audible volumes. It’s the words that matter my friends. Having verbal duels also has another aspect – the face of the speaker is right in front of the listener and it certainly makes matters a lot worse. Those extraordinary unintentional unpractised wrinkles that pop out from the forehead and cheeks combined with strong lip action may lend an even more expansive expression than what may have been intended. I know for sure, because it happens to me everyday in my 10-7 shifts 5 days of every week.

When we write though, the words are measured, thought out and often done with a calmer head. Not that written words don’t hurt, but they also lend a certain meaning to the scars they are about to impress. The reader may blow his head off for he has no one to face right then, but that’s what negates violence, lets heads cool and rational actions follow. It also gives listeners a good amount of time to offer better thought out answers for very difficult or irritating questions or arguments. But then what’s written can never be taken back too. You may burn those letters, erase those emails or scratch them off but they have made their presence felt and in a more permanent way than their verbal counterparts.

My advice – just be careful whichever you go for. I prefer the written ones for they prove that the words actually existed. They give you a lot of options and all confusion can be resolved after a rational discussion. They are both necessary but be mellow, for everyone has their ego that they are trying to fulfil by working hard everyday. Life isn’t all fun and lets not make it bitter for anyone by infusing unnecessary poison.

Daily Prompt – I Won’t Bribe!

IAC-Protesters-in-Pune

I’ve made mistakes. Who doesn’t? I’ve said it time and again – mistakes are the first step to learning. Mistakes make people of high character. People who make mistakes and learn are of reliable virtues. They have seen life and learnt from it. I have never regretted a single mistake in my life. I have sooner or later only learnt from them. That has made me strong. I don’t boast very high of myself but whatever I do, I almost always say that I’m responsible and reliable. I let people depend upon me. I don’t mind it.

I made one such mistake in most dire of my time. So desperate was I that it felt tough to raise my eyes and face myself in the mirror. I knew it belonged to me but it just wouldn’t make me feel it. Watching damned movies at home, passing my time when nothing was in my hands. My desperation had dissolved my confidence to tears. It kept eluding me. I had done my best and yet something somewhere was wrong. I had stepped on someones tail and he was avenging it.

I tried bribing. An enemy enacting a friend got my trust and I shoved a lot of my dads hard-earned money in his hands to let me have what rightfully belonged to me – success. A month passed, 2 passed but by then I knew I stood duped. Nothing came to me. Neither the money back nor the success. I had dealt a wrong hand and had lost the bet. I got my punishment though. 2 more failures beckoned only to make the taste of success even sweeter.

What did I learn from this? I was only fighting time. It was only a test of time to test my patience, to make me see the ebb of the human character – my character. I fought time. I fought adversaries like only I could. I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt a lot about my family and friends (that I don’t have many).

How would I like to do it over? I know I can’t. All I know is life has thrown a lot worse than that at me and I’ve stood tall. I still look menacing. I’m still destructive. I’m just harder to hit. For I’ve learnt and learnt to get back up when all seems to be over. I seek positives, despise the negatives. I won’t bribe. I stand against corruption!

Daily Prompt: Lets (Red) Face It

shame_on_me_by_greatdeath-d4sy443

How am I left red-faced?

When I smell a stinky appalling urinal bang opposite to the temple those morons worship in.

When I see the haste to not even let an old woman cross a road.

When I don’t see people turning their vehicles off on a 2 minute signal.

When I see open canals filled with nothing but litter.

When I see how the government uses the money I pay them.

When I see that government can’t do shit about the status of women in this country. Rapes just don’t cease to exist.

When I see uneducated healthy children and adults begging on the streets.

When I see how people shake hands even while taking full part in irresponsible acts.

When was I last left red-faced?

TODAY & EVERYDAY!

Daily Prompt – The Show Must Go On

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Rather than tell you what I would want to be in a movie, I’ll tell you what I’d rather not be.

A director and the actor are artists. They require a tremendous amount of creativity. They are people who are on the screen directing peoples emotions the way they want to see it, the way they visualize it. They bring mortality to imaginary characters.

I’m not creative. I’m a guy of processes and initiatives. I’d rather collect than create. So I’d better be a producer or even lesser – an associate producer who’ll do everything for a producer all the while learning from the process as I’m a novice in the movie business as of today! I’d learn how to invest in a movie and make it come true gathering the best people for their parts for directing and acting! I’d watch the real faces of the actors from the background and their tantrums and how to deal with each of them in the future. And last but not the least, I’d make more money than anyone on the sets and they’ll forever care for my offers. I’ll be strict with my schedules and will make sure to see no over-budgeting in the movie. Efficiency will be my second name.

Opinions and Conclusions

opinions

What are Opinions?

Here’s what Google has –

a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

A human brain is designed to analyze information. The way it naturally works is –

1. Analyzing a situation

2. Creating a crude problem statement which forms an opinion

3. Then either finding a solution if it’s of any harm to the body or the surroundings or leaving the situation at that if it’s harmless

4. Come to a conclusion together with learnings.

If you see, the process is seldom completed. Our attitude is way too casual and as a general nature, we tend to jump on to conclusions without thorough analysis.

That’s how we have lived our life so far and it includes not having to find a solution for everything we deal with. Guess that’s our comfort of choosing the option to say – “Hey, lemme fix that” or “This doesn’t concern me, screw it”. Whichever option we choose, we know, the world will move on!

I’m writing this post for something happened to me a couple of days back which is starting to haunt me and I probably have no cure for it except to admit my mistake and try to forget it. I was returning from a juice parlor when two guys seated at the pavement of a small nearby under-construction shopping complex approached me – “Bhai saab! Aap iss bachche ko jaante hain?” (Hi Brother! Do you know this kid?) pointing at a kid seated alone at the stairs. I looked at the kid and said – “No”. The first thought in my head was about my upset stomach and how I needed to rest a bit when I took a look at the two men who were trying to cajole some information out of that kid but had quite obviously failed. They looked helpless. The kid looked in a dire shock. He looked scared not from the sense of getting lost but from the probable beating he would receive at the hands of his parents who he thought would fail to see how it was their fault to leave him alone in the first place. I saw so much of me in that kid. A frightened look not from the sense of the situation but the consequence and the ensuing pain.

Strangely though, as I moved on, my feet kept stopping to let me have another look at the kid. But I didn’t. The brain and heart were fighting for I’d been in this situation before and had somehow landed on the wrong side of human nature making an absolute fool of myself. I won’t do it again. Although it didn’t seem like any trickery but I just wouldn’t take the chance. I was weak.

I got to know a lot about myself as I walked away. And some more posts may follow about them. But this one remains about opinions and conclusions.

Now coming to conclusions – what’s a conclusion?

Google says –

a judgment or decision reached by reasoning.

conclusion-introduction-starter-plenary

Although what I did, made me come across, as a merciless man with a cavalier and borderline careless attitude but how I acted was actually based on a general opinion I had created from past experiences. It’s important to learn from all your mistakes. But then – there are always “what ifs?” What if the child was actually lost and I may have helped him better than those 2 men? Or what if the scenario was a trap to make me cough up some money from somewhere? What if my progressive year, that it’s been, draws a blot? What if walking away itself is a blot?

It’s just too difficult to know what may have happened to the kid and I’ll try to figure it out by asking the guys at the street again but I may never know the truth and I’ll have to live with the consequences of my actions.

So what about opinions and conclusions? My opinion about those kind of situations led me into acting like a jerk when I clearly could have done more. Not all opinions are farce. They just may have not been proven even once when they may have been drawn from years of experience for you never actually learn till you have faced the consequences. Facing the consequences makes your conclusion solid and when you face the same situation again in your life, you act on your conclusions and not your opinions.

When people say – “Your Opinion Matters”, I beg to differ. I say – “Your opinions are welcome but won’t necessarily be worked upon for we don’t know the level of jerk that you are or have been or you may even not be”.

Truth Be Told

Tell Truth

Tell me all of you – everyone who posts with a lot of pingback links – Do you read the links you are allowing on your post or you just copy the same from the Daily Prompt? Not that I don’t like myself getting published all over the internet posts and I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart thank you all for it!!

I ask this question as I have no one to advise me on these topics and my beloved readers are all I have to educate me.

This part of me is called honesty and it demands honesty too!

The Giant Wakes Up – Daily Prompt – SOS

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The Giant Wakes up.

The Demon Roars Back.

The Prodigal Son Returns.

The Soldier with the power to keep me awake rises up again.

Aaaaaand I’ve now run out of metaphors!

Yeah, yeah I’m creating a bit of mystery but what the hell… I love doing that! 😉

There are not a lot of things (non-living) that I’m proud of. But a few of them that I’m proud of – I own ’em. My speakers, my bike, my headphones and my PC. These things have power over me. I shall stay spellbound forever with their gaze locked with my eyes. Anyone who knows me in person will tell you in affirmative.

Last week was horrendous though. My PC was hit last friday and it just won’t start. I had no clue what had gotten into it. I had though, a few weeks ago, read a warning message about anyone of the fan/mother board/processor going to go kaput on me but then a few days later Windows 8 thought it better to archive the message when it saw no action taken. I just didn’t have any time or money to spend on the PC. Thankfully I got my salary a week early and I could finally get my PC cleaned up. The bugger fan had jammed of all things. 250 bucks and there you go. Not only did I learn how to clean a PC today but I also got a hands-on when I cleaned the drives myself. Aaaaah that satiated feel of a quiet PC doing all things only it can and me typing away merrily with a smile on my face letting the world know of my accomplishments and how proud I am about them.

But the best part is yet to come. I am about to make my first savings tomorrow and get my credit rolling again. I’ve envisioned this day for so long, I don’t even think I’ll sleep today. Can’t wait to get my bum to those banks and tip their stale icebergs to my side again. You can run but you can’t hide I say and so do many but it made more sense now. I ran away from them when they needed their money and they have been sweetly exacting their revenge on me for 3 years. They have run away from every opportunity to lend me money when I needed it. But not anymore. They shall bow their heads in respect, for a potential customer will come seeking – with money in hand, with head held high and they won’t have any corner to hide away.

My tottering life’s getting back up just like my PC and the world will start to bow now for I am smarter, more intelligent and have gotten rid of my wasteful ways – well most of it! Some like pizzas still remain but food – it’s my kryptonite!

There is a reason why I’m entitled to this feeling of relief because I’ve persevered long enough to know what it means to get desperate when bound. I’ve worked towards it, believing in my goal.

You know what I’ll want from that bottle in the sea. A genie condensing in thin air and saying – “Stop believing in miracles. Know that you are one”!

Daily Prompt – Generation XYZ

We-Are-the-Facebook-Generation

To understand a generation, we need to understand what generation means in the first place. A generation by a dictionary means –

The average period, generally considered to be about thirty years, during which children are born and grow up, become adults, and begin to have children of their own“.

Welcome to our generation. Our generation that grew up hearing songs on CD players hung by our belts, grew up to carrying mp3 players and then iPods. Our generation that saw an internet boom, fought Y2k. Our generation that’s seen wars breaking states and countries into two. We probably witnessed the rise and spread of a technology revolution so big that it now has changed the lives for every living being on this planet. Things are now small enough to be held on the pore of our fingers which once couldn’t be held in hand bag.

We are the generation that believes that our future beckons to technology while we continue to value things that our parents taught us. We are the hybrids – the best of everything if we have our head in place and yet the worst of everything if we’ve lost it.

The generation that succeeds us, lets just say, gives up way too easily. They are weak hearted and weaker minded. They are affected more by movies and Facebook than their parents. Since I don’t have kids and I deride the next generation, ones that were born even a decade later, I’m going to talk about the generation that preceded us. We have tons to learn from them and yet tons to throw away what we learnt from them.

Our parents were strong for they believed more in human communication and touch. We learn senses. They weathered freedom struggles, wars of the worst kinds and yet survived to tell their tales. We learn toughness. They invented so much, we can’t help but wonder if we would still be the whiz-kids had they not laid the foundations. They invented bits and bytes. They invented memories. They gave the non-living, the brain to decide – yes or no. We can never waylay their contribution to the humanity.

My parents never failed to bring me in touch with that facet of their times. They taught me to see and think different. It’s a different side if I actually did it. But they tried their best. They cheered me up when I raised my first cricket bat. They were open-minded, for I was travelling alone in public buses responsibly taking care of my brother and his friend, when I was 8 years old. They taught me responsibility. Through the ups and downs of their lives, they taught me humility.

Crazy as I may sound now but our preceding generation tried teaching us society when they should have taught humanity. They taught us jealousy when it was competition we needed. They tried teaching us pride but all they really emanated was ego. We learnt to see the blackness in people first than embrace the truth of their deeds.

In this internet age, when the world is literally at our fingertips, we should try instilling hope, pride and humanity in our children than burn them early in their childhoods all the while suppressing their basic need for necessary freedom.

And I learnt this from my parents. Freedom if imparted carefully turns into responsibility much better than any other virtue.

Mother Nature

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Lets start with an analogy today.

Think of yourselves as a leaf. Your tree as our mother nature and soil as her keeper, the universe.

It didn’t go too bad, did it? I felt it today. Light, alone, a once-in-a-while-happy feeling. I felt free today.

Try and relate your life with a leafs life.

A leaf springs to life from a hole. A little bud that with regular feeding and nurturing starts to grow and show its true colors. Mother nature holds on to that bud tightly for as long as it can pull its own weight. And then the stems start to grow longer to let the leaf face the sun, know its purpose i.e. to give oxygen and preserve nature in return. The leaf remains for as long as it can braving the storms, the harsh sun, the snow and the rain, all to preserve the tree itself. And then autumn arrives when it must depart. It must give itself away to make way for another fresher stronger replacement. The tree whilst preparing the next batch stands naked withstanding the nature spending all that it can and grow old. After several of these autumn cycles when the tree finally gets frail, it starts to wither away. It’s those leaves that had fallen, that then act as the breeding ground for another tree. And the cycle continues.

How similar is that to us? Very. We are born from an orifice too as little buds all rolled up with hands and legs right up to our eyes to protect ourselves from the very nature that will later power us. The parents then provide us, keeping us on a short leash till we have grown and learnt t0 weather the storms of a cycle called life. They teach us to respect the nature and tell us our purpose – to survive. We learn to respect elders and make sure to stand up for them. We learn love. We then learn the most important lesson of our lives – to watch over our parents when we are stronger than they are. While us humans, would not have as many autumn cycles, we do wither away, don’t we but we have our children to breed the next tree just the way trees have leaves.

In both the cases, neither the tree nor the leaves ever wanted to desert each other but that’s a process. That’s nature. That’s how it works. We are so bound in this cycle that anything other than that seems out-of-place. Any other means of birthing, any other way of dying is unnatural.

I’ve grown into respecting the fact that nothing around us can be changed. Only we can change. And when people die unnaturally, it’s always been the most difficult for me to accept. Eventually I do but it requires reconciliation with our wasteful ways. Suicides, bombs, accidents, anything other than dying from old age is natural.

Respect mother nature for we are incapable of ever arresting its fury.

Dreams Come True

I dreamt that Martin Guptill of New Zealand was scoring a century on Saturday against India and I woke up to find my dream had come true.

Another one of my most recurrent dream is – myself falling into an abyss, a dark hole right on top of an iron. And yet I’ve never done so.

Why this sudden shift towards dreams realization?

You know just the other day, a colleague of mine was telling me how his dreams had suddenly started coming true. Is this the season? Is this the year when our dreams and wishes come true?

I’d like to believe so, but the thing is what have we made our dreams to be? I have a theory. Dreams are your subconscious reminding you to stay true to your wishes, wishes long forgotten and lost but so loved deep down in your heart that your body, your veins and the blood in it, just re-emphasizes the power of your wishes and dreams from time to time.

But this certainly doesn’t explain the one dream that I told you about where I fall?

Will anyone care to explain?

Superheroes

Superheroes

You know what’s so special about superheroes and common man? A superhero wants to pretend as a common man while a common man wants to pretend as a superhero. The difference is between the need, the want and their aspirations. They are a case of dichotomy!

One is a superhero and needs to show himself as a man to gel better while the other is a common man but wants to be a superhero to look different.

We grew up watching and reading superheroes. As the childish innate desire grows to emulate them – their heroics, their generosity and their responsibility, the child grows too. Like all desires have their ceilings, this too has only two ways to go with age – either to get killed in the whirlwind demands of the world or come out, turn us into real superheroes of the world.

Some people choose roles that make them humans while others decide differently. While the former dissolve in the sea of normalcy, the others become the insoluble particles always visible. When we see them, we talk about them and decide whether they be acted upon. Whether they be left there untouched or be filtered out. We decide what to make out of them.

In this world where the different is what’s noticed, the value of the act in the eye of the observers decides if doers are really our superheroes. Since each act is scrutinized for we are too judgemental, we sometimes forget that in the end, they are humans too.

While this designation of superheroes may or may not necessary be happening at a worldly scale, it may be happening in our small little lives. This designation may or may not be happening at the doers expense too. It may have already happened in our subconscious without us even knowing about it.

But since most of us need a figure to look up to, we first choose them from among each other. Most often, they are dads, moms, grandmas, grandpas or a simple caretaker even. But they all exist and sometimes we fail to analyze and see these mere mortal men and women as humans. Vulnerable to the world and prone to mistakes themselves.

I pointed this out, because for some reason humanity is the last practical virtue we learn in our lives. By then we have already placed it below so many other crappy values that it becomes hard to find in the face of some simple human needs and desires.

While you may run in this world scathe free, your superheroes always have to watch out for their reputation in your eyes for your heart just can’t be broken. For this, some may even sacrifice their secret desires, their aspirations for the latter part of their lives when they have seen their children grow up, get married. The question for them will always remain – what do you need?

While the others may just break a few hearts and return to being humans and fulfil their own aspirations from their lives for their part in their small world is complete. They make their point clear to their world and tell them – we got to do what we got to do. The question for them is – am I done with my responsibility?

Both the sides live in this world harmoniously and yet when they do show their faces, both of them are right! Which side are you on?

26 Pledges I take with Speaking Tree

 

26 Pledges I take with Speakingtree.in.

I didn’t have to take most of the pledges among these but I did revive them. They are few of the best thoughts for humanity and please say – IPledge.

Am I Guilty?

This Friday, I did something that I had never done before.

A new day had dawned and I was repeating the same mundane routine, one I have for every other day. But today, a guy asked me for a lift to a nearby bank that came in my way to the office. At first I said no and went ahead slowly wading my bike through the mud. At the end of the street though, I stopped and watched the man as he was slowly finding spots to land his feet on the safe places as I would myself do. Was I guilty?

Something audibly snapped inside me and I waved my hand to the guy to hop on the back. He hurried and was soon sitting behind me. While I was riding him to the bank. I kept asking myself, what has changed, why did I do that, I’ve never done anything like it before?

When I got no answer, I said, let’s do it! Lets have a guilt free day! I will not hold any guilt by the time the day ends.

So the day went on without me ever thinking about the pledge I took in the morning. And yet, when I came home in terrible back pain and analysed my day while having dinner, I realized something – I had no work pending for the day or even the weekend.

How did that happen? I usually am lazy enough to keep some work pending for the weekend when I know I’d have nothing else to do but not then. I read through the day again and recalled the good deed of my day and then the pledge. Had the pledge changed me?

How much do the subconscious vibes we create and emit from our head change our surroundings and our habits?

I delivered a lot that day and that had tired me but I was fine the way it ended. I had pushed a few people to their limits, given ideas that changed their views and done not too bad for myself.

I think blogging, the posts and your views on them are helping change me and motivate me to do things I’d never have done myself before. Thank You!

It doesn’t take a lot to do what you want to, if you are true to the idea and its ideology. And if I could do it, so can you!

Spitters

Spitters, Spitters, Spitters, how do you do it at home?

Where do you find corners in your house to waylay your bubble filled thick mucus? YUCK!

Do you know it stinks? Do you know it’s unhygienic and it doesn’t dry as easily as water does? It keeps collecting dirt and filth all over it and it stays there.

I don’t know about other countries, but in India, we eat paan (hindi) or tambulam pungi falam (sanskrit) and have a really filthy habit of spitting out it juices all around us or anywhere we find a corner, or on the road. It leaves red stains all over, makes the roads, corners, surroundings dirty and in my opinion, it should be made illegal to spit out paan in the open in India.

But whichever country, where do you spit at home? Do you hang around windows or doors or gardens or flower pots all the time or are you a hygienic person and carry a separate dustbin just for the purpose?

In any case, doesn’t it leave you with too much to do and make you cumbersome?

The ultimate question is – WHY SPIT AT ALL? I DON’T AND I’M STILL ALIVE!

Daily Prompts: Nice Is As Nice Does

Life to me, doesn’t exist beyond a certain set of people. Beyond them, life is farce. I don’t mean to be rude to this world but yes, till I haven’t seen you, heard you and sensed you, you don’t exist for me.

And so, my best and my worst has only been with and to the people who are around me.

I was travelling from Durg, Chhattisgarh – place where I studied and completed my graduation to Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh – My Home Town. This evening, to say the least, had been frantic. And then there was this train Amarkantak Express that usually left Durg at 4:20 pm sharp. But it left 45 minutes late and in India, there’s a saying – if a train leaves late, it reaches even later.

A calm night later in the morning, I got up and found myself scratching my head on the small side lower berth of the bogie. As I watched the scenes go by rapidly, I found after passing an intermediate station that we were late by an hour. By accident though, a prick pointing out from the damaged plywood berth pierced and got stuck inside the nail of my right index finger. It was really thick and I now had to bear that pain for next 6 hours.

My mother was to pick me up at the station. We were in touch over the phone and she told me she was on her way to the station. I reached but didn’t find her in the parking. I called her and she gave me a news flash – “I’ve met with an accident. Please come home by yourself”.

“Are you OK?”.

“Yes, I’m fine (sobbing)”.

I reached home 45 minutes later worried sick. I looked at our car – the drivers door on the right was badly damaged. I could only imagine what may have raged. Mom took me in, we sat on the sofa. I was so angry. How could someone do this her? She started explaining out of guilt – “A biker came from the right and banged into the car. He went through the window across my face and banged into the left door from the inside”.

“A lot of people came running in. I was very scared and couldn’t talk. I took him to the hospital. And by the time you came, I had come home. I was very scared. Someone stole my purse too”.

She was crying her heart out now and for a moment, I totally forgot the pain in my finger. I took her in my arms and covered her ,for I don’t know how many minutes.

When she finally stopped crying, I explained to her that it was not her fault and she did very well to take the guy to the hospital.

The brave woman that she is, she started getting better.

That’s when I found the pain throbbing in my finger again. I showed it to her and she ran for the cupboard. She brought a pin and started scraping my finger for a sight of that prick wound which had already healed.

She scraped and scraped and finally when reached the prick, she pulled out nose pliers and dug them into my finger. Only I know the pain that seared through my finger that noon and when she finally dug it out and pulled it, blood finally started running out and the pain relieved considerably.

Since then, she has told me a countless times, how my hug showed her that I had grown up and will take care of her. That she was really relieved when I did that and she remembered it too because I did that for the first time.

Both of us will never forget that day.