The Dawning Of A New Day

From being an addict to a neat sober life, from being a couch potato to burning my muscles again, from losing my job to regaining one in one of the largest MNCs in India, having to plan for an overhauled life when there’s none left in my soul. I’m fighting  each day and every hour of my existence, for revival of my body and soul. I’m living better, I’m eating better. Striving to host a chapter that powers me to dream of happiness, completeness, an error free foray into being who I want to be. I’m dying to see if I’ve learnt from my mistakes. It’s history repeating itself to test me, break me, shake me, wake me up from my slumber. For the past few months, change has been the only constant.
My attitude has changed. Never once did I think of running away even while perfectly knowing the agony each phase brings with it. For the first time I’m ready to give life a chance to come to me. For the first time I’m giving myself a chance to roll with whatever life dishes out, to fly with the wind, even snowball. Never once did I say “NOW WHAT?”.
In December, they told us to start looking elsewhere for a job for the project here had ended but they’d try to absorb us in. In January they hinted they won’t absorb us for the sake of well-being of both the company and my career. I thought it was a very valid and wise move. I have way too much experience to get absorbed in a team where people of nearly half my experience would work above me only because I didn’t have hands on their technology.
To me though, it gave a chance to get out into the world and to see if I’m any better than the man who joined this company nearly 5 years ago, to test my skills, to gauge my self-worth, yet again. For some adventurous reason, I rather relished this challenge and instantly knew I had to leave for my betterment. Both, the company and I, had realized that moving on was the better option for each of us.
This is the new, aged me. The earlier, the younger me would have tried busting their balls for having sacked me, for I had way to much ego. I’m learning to think past my ego and think of all the betterment that any opportunity brings. I’m letting people stay themselves around me. In short I’m trying and giving up my inner force that made me change people around me. I’m letting them come to me. I’m letting life engulf me in its arms. I’m not afraid of leap-of-faiths anymore. I’m running full seasons, gaining new leaves while shedding the useless and old ones.
Moving to a new city offers me an opportunity to start from scratch again. Not only will it give me a chance to meet new people, it’ll also give my wife a chance to settle down at a place that she knows and loves. We’d together forget the horrors we faced in Delhi. This time we are wiser, capable of paying our bills from day one and free of all debt. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you all, I’m finally free from all debts and it is so relieving. 😀
I’m so passed my past now. While I waited for my offer from my new employer, life also threw me a chance to get even with my past. A chance to understand that I was never wrong, for all I’d done was lose a battle of love. I now know what happened, had culminated to a better today and an even better tomorrow.
This waiting period also threw me a chance to get out of this country for a while and land in a place that has forever intrigued me – United States of America. I got to witness the miracle of a new-born baby. I’m so happy for you brother! I got to see a culture far advanced than ours. A thinking not swallowed by petty religion & caste. The ability to talk to and smile at strangers. I got to see the affluent middle class that’s provided for by the government in ways Indians are still dreaming about. We are so unwilling to learn. I got to see the real order, not the one borne by chaos. I got to see a willingness to accept laws and a hesitation to break them for it may harm another human being. I got to drink better hazelnut frappes. I inhaled fresh clean air in the middle of the town, oh how much I miss it back here!
Future is about smart choices, about creating better opportunities, and working hard to bring them to fruition. It’s about learning to adapt and curb your instincts to see past your preferred options and your preparation to dive into a better realm that provides foundations for better plans and people & resources to execute them . I can finally back myself to think positive and not worry about failures for I’ll never miss a chance to learn and grow and become the man who dictates the wellbeing of his loved ones. I grow!

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Zee2Etch – Task #16

Yesterday, something happened which took me by surprise. Dad and I discussed the difference between Attitude and Nature.

It all started when I asked him what is my reputation? He got confused and at first cracked all possible jokes thinking I was joking myself. But I had to shake him up and tell him to get serious as this is about a blog I have to write for a task I have signed for. He then told me a few things about me that caught my ears and here they are –

I am someone who gets influenced by my surroundings. The more I come in touch with my surrounding, the more I run away from it so no one can question my lifestyle or methods. He said I told me that I’m a thorough professional although he couldn’t, for his mediocre vocabulary, put it into a word and this was what caused a lot of commotion between the two of us. All he wanted to say was, I am different from others because of my “Professional Attitude”. Now first I took his words to actually mean “Professionalism”. But apparently, that wasn’t what it was. He wanted to tell me, that I have a nature to stay correct all the time and to do that, I may sometimes falsify some people for which I may never give any explanation. I run away from such situations and the poor chap is left scratching his head to think the wrong he has committed.

Okay. So this must be my reputation among others as well. I went around asking a lot of people about this and told my dad about it, for which he had a very simple answer – “You know, it’s only you who can gauge your reputation and no one else. Not even us. We are your parents. For us, you are the most beautiful thing that happened to us and we will never put you in a wrong place and will never mean to hurt you. But this world isn’t us. They’ll lie to you, so they may gain points with you and earn your hard-to-gain trust. So there’s no point asking others about it. Ask yourself. For example, when you enter a meeting or a social gathering, you will automatically know if you are liked or not, respected or not. That’s your reputation”.

I couldn’t have agreed more. No one will ever tell me my exact reputation. So I’ll write for this task on the basis of what my dad told me about me.

Let me explain his statements while analysing them too. He isn’t very good with what he says but spend time with him and you’ll know what he meant 2 hours ago. I’ve had an entire day to myself and when he said that I get influenced by my surroundings, he meant that I like to carry a lot of perspectives while making decisions. I like to consider all the opinions and keep my options open before coming to a conclusion. Regarding my correctness, my answer is I have forever rising inner urge to stay equal and fair to all. No one is high and no one is low. All things belong together and it’s that harmony that makes this world livable.

He said a sentence twice – that I run away from situations. Well that has just one answer, I am the rarest possible introverts possible and as my brother would testify – I told him a few days ago that I’d like to buy a recorder so I may record all my thoughts and turn them into posts on my blog. All he said was – you are the biggest introvert I have ever seen.

Just for the record, my fathers testimony is enough!