In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Journey.”
The time of hope and persistence, honesty and dread, karma and belief, brought with it a surreal series of change. Break it down – the time into fragments, for each is as magnificent in its own right, a bag full of teachings, shining brightly upon my path. That path and where it leads, I know not.
The all-knowing, all giving power that rises within us in times of desperation – is like lights beside the runway to guide not just the stable but more so, the unstable planes. Nothing teaches us more about ourselves than such times of desperation. I learnt a lot.
Yes I was scared. Yes I was confused. Yes the pain in the heart was ever bearing and the brain, paralysed. Yet every stone that hurt me, only powered me, to go that much further. To look for my destiny. To smile at the sight of the end of the earth and sky, that horizon, which I knew would someday be mine.
Desperation when used properly is possibly the greatest tool we can own. Enough of it makes us fearless, uncaring. It shows us the true strength of our character. It gives us clarity on the decisions we make. It guides us to that juncture where we either rise or fall. It stretches us beyond our limits to possibly achieve the unthinkable, or get us ever closer to that “Eureka” moment.
The simplest formulae to tapping and reaping from even the rough times is to say to yourself – “these trying times are another bundle of opportunities”. And believe in it. Keep repeating it to yourself and condition yourself to just do the right thing, the humane thing. There are a million wolves waiting for your shivering carcass to show through your thinning skin but don’t care, don’t bother. I met my long cherished goal after walking on a daunting and humiliating path that forever shamed my self-respect and yet I rose and came through.
It doesn’t shame me now, to proclaim that I went through the mud to reach that Lotus and the effort I put into it. To have got my hands dirty in a coal mine to get to that Diamond. Life seems so complete now and how I wish it would last forever the same way with no further hiccups but then, that wouldn’t be fun, will it?
Bring it on!
I’ve made mistakes. Who doesn’t? I’ve said it time and again – mistakes are the first step to learning. Mistakes make people of high character. People who make mistakes and learn are of reliable virtues. They have seen life and learnt from it. I have never regretted a single mistake in my life. I have sooner or later only learnt from them. That has made me strong. I don’t boast very high of myself but whatever I do, I almost always say that I’m responsible and reliable. I let people depend upon me. I don’t mind it.
I made one such mistake in most dire of my time. So desperate was I that it felt tough to raise my eyes and face myself in the mirror. I knew it belonged to me but it just wouldn’t make me feel it. Watching damned movies at home, passing my time when nothing was in my hands. My desperation had dissolved my confidence to tears. It kept eluding me. I had done my best and yet something somewhere was wrong. I had stepped on someones tail and he was avenging it.
I tried bribing. An enemy enacting a friend got my trust and I shoved a lot of my dads hard-earned money in his hands to let me have what rightfully belonged to me – success. A month passed, 2 passed but by then I knew I stood duped. Nothing came to me. Neither the money back nor the success. I had dealt a wrong hand and had lost the bet. I got my punishment though. 2 more failures beckoned only to make the taste of success even sweeter.
What did I learn from this? I was only fighting time. It was only a test of time to test my patience, to make me see the ebb of the human character – my character. I fought time. I fought adversaries like only I could. I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt a lot about my family and friends (that I don’t have many).
How would I like to do it over? I know I can’t. All I know is life has thrown a lot worse than that at me and I’ve stood tall. I still look menacing. I’m still destructive. I’m just harder to hit. For I’ve learnt and learnt to get back up when all seems to be over. I seek positives, despise the negatives. I won’t bribe. I stand against corruption!