Crotchety Chump

Don’t we all want happy faces around us all the time? We are all selfish and in turn want to share the communicable cheerfulness to brighten our own days. Grumpy looking people often make for a bad viewing and… company. Happy people share jokes, make us laugh, spread positive energy with their infectious smiles, and even make some unhappy ones seriously jealous. But have you ever thought why some of us are permanently grumpy? Don’t you think that they too want to flex their cheek muscles at least once every day and smile for a change?

Yes, I am grumpy. I’m told by people that there are, at max, 4 expressions that they’ve seen me wearing. I haven’t practiced them in the mirror. I just look that way. It’s, in all practicality, impossible for me to stay happy and smile all the time, for from time to time, the realities of life keep dawning upon me. Earlier my problem was I wanted to keep everyone else happy. I failed! Then someone, a few years back, told me to start thinking about myself and now my problem is I want to keep myself happy. I’m not fairing any better here as well. My sofa needs cleaning. I need new mattresses. I need a new seating arrangement for my PC at home, new chair and table, more ergonomic. I need to get the engine on my bike repaired and blah blah! I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s precisely how grumpy people talk, BEAR IT!

So what exactly does grumpy mean?

– Bad-tempered and sulky.

– Crabbed; annoyed and irritable.

Synonym – Crotchety!

Just like the way happy and cheerful people have days when they are sad and depressed, we, the grumpy ones; have days when we are Happy and Cheerful for once. It’s difficult for us to leave our comfort zone. Deep down we love the way people hate us, despise us, want to hurt our face so bad, that we look even grumpier. But that’s where we WIN every day. For no one hits us. No one can do a shit about the way we look or behave. All that they can do is look away which is precisely what we want – no attention! It serves me better that I’m introvert as well.

There are several emotions, aren’t they? We sift through plethora of them every day – from happy to sad or angry or empathetic in matter of seconds. It’s these emotions that often drive our moods. These emotions change the way we perceive our world, see its colours, and hear its sound – basically change the way we feel it.

What I find most interesting though is how some emotions bring out the best in you while some doom you to obscurity. These emotions impact our will to achieve like no other person ever can. They impact our state of mind and the vibes coming from us in general. These emotions are quite distractingly very visible and are quite in-your-face.

My mother has one such emotion – anger. She cooks her best food when she is angry. Me and dad used to secretly wish for her to get upset and then cook (psst psst we still wish so). It used to start with an argument between them that I’ll never understand. They never made sense to me. They were so – worldly. Dealing with day-to-day issues that anyone of them could resolve in the blink of an eye. Anyways – food and anger! Yes, this is one complaint my mother always has when she is angry – she keeps saying she hates cooking. That how she hates every moment spent in the kitchen and yet, when she sees dad set the first foot across the threshold of its entrance to cook himself, she’ll jump in and prepare some of the tastiest drool-worthy delicacies, a human will ever taste – all in a fit of rage and knowledge that dad will ruin everything inside the kitchen. The chances of her screwing up the food then drastically reduce to zero. I think most women will relate to this feeling!

And that brings me to my question – what’s the emotion that brings out the best in you?

Mine is anger and I guess this is something my mother has unknowingly rubbed onto me. I think clearer when I’m angry. I say better when I’m angry. My focus dramatically increases even when I’m venting out my anger on something completely unrelated to the real problem. I invariably end up doing all the right things when my hands are shivering with angst. The only problem is – that’s also the only time I’m thinking just for myself and in those on-the-thread moments, I end up hurting a few people.

Okay, then what’s the emotion that brings out the worst from you?

Mine is happiness. Yes, that’s the reason I’m grumpy. Happiness brings out my concern for others which in today’s world, is quite unappreciated. People start to think that I’m interfering with their lives when in the first place they are the ones sitting in my home, sipping beers, and sharing the sorry state of their sorry ass world with me – the most unconcerned person on this planet. People for some reason don’t understand genuine sympathy or empathy now. They fail to acknowledge an unselfish concern for their well-being but who can blame them. We all get ditched so many times and in so many ways, we can’t even rely upon ourselves to trust others and find their true motives, rest aside the chances of us believing anyone else for our good.

I guess I’m searching for unadulterated love, for my love even for myself isn’t enough pure!

Superheroes

Superheroes

You know what’s so special about superheroes and common man? A superhero wants to pretend as a common man while a common man wants to pretend as a superhero. The difference is between the need, the want and their aspirations. They are a case of dichotomy!

One is a superhero and needs to show himself as a man to gel better while the other is a common man but wants to be a superhero to look different.

We grew up watching and reading superheroes. As the childish innate desire grows to emulate them – their heroics, their generosity and their responsibility, the child grows too. Like all desires have their ceilings, this too has only two ways to go with age – either to get killed in the whirlwind demands of the world or come out, turn us into real superheroes of the world.

Some people choose roles that make them humans while others decide differently. While the former dissolve in the sea of normalcy, the others become the insoluble particles always visible. When we see them, we talk about them and decide whether they be acted upon. Whether they be left there untouched or be filtered out. We decide what to make out of them.

In this world where the different is what’s noticed, the value of the act in the eye of the observers decides if doers are really our superheroes. Since each act is scrutinized for we are too judgemental, we sometimes forget that in the end, they are humans too.

While this designation of superheroes may or may not necessary be happening at a worldly scale, it may be happening in our small little lives. This designation may or may not be happening at the doers expense too. It may have already happened in our subconscious without us even knowing about it.

But since most of us need a figure to look up to, we first choose them from among each other. Most often, they are dads, moms, grandmas, grandpas or a simple caretaker even. But they all exist and sometimes we fail to analyze and see these mere mortal men and women as humans. Vulnerable to the world and prone to mistakes themselves.

I pointed this out, because for some reason humanity is the last practical virtue we learn in our lives. By then we have already placed it below so many other crappy values that it becomes hard to find in the face of some simple human needs and desires.

While you may run in this world scathe free, your superheroes always have to watch out for their reputation in your eyes for your heart just can’t be broken. For this, some may even sacrifice their secret desires, their aspirations for the latter part of their lives when they have seen their children grow up, get married. The question for them will always remain – what do you need?

While the others may just break a few hearts and return to being humans and fulfil their own aspirations from their lives for their part in their small world is complete. They make their point clear to their world and tell them – we got to do what we got to do. The question for them is – am I done with my responsibility?

Both the sides live in this world harmoniously and yet when they do show their faces, both of them are right! Which side are you on?