Love And Only Love

Imagine a kingdom; a place well before any boundaries were created; no differences existed; a place where the urge to love ruled; a place governed solely under the solemn promise to protect this habitat – our Mother Earth; a place where everyone existed to support anyone or anything that has fallen; a place where each and every one only worked to be a medium for that higher power that created us; to reach out to the energies of this universe. Every thought that emanated there started from a place of love; a place that mandated us to look after this vehicle created of flesh; a place where the trees, the soil, the water, the fire and the sky reminded everyone of their places in the vast universe and how they needed to love and respect and, needless to say, save the place where they were born; a place where the creator’s voice will be heeded to first and unconditionally. And nothing but love for Mother Earth and its contents came first. Everyone realized that there is a need to respect the power that held our steps together for we understood that it bears our weight, gives and gives, provides for everything selflessly. No animals were killed unless nature required it. No trees were cut unless new ones were planted. If required, only a limited number of trees per year could be cut. There would be no currencies except for deeds of love.

That could be my utopia. But I know it can’t exist. I don’t know and hold enough to know the ups and downs of life on Earth, too many flaws and shortcomings, too many words that can be misconstrued. But I’ve had several messages that human language is flawed.

But what if this is our utopia. What if we’re told by the powers to be that this place was created to be a utopia – a place free of politics and religion. But us, with our penchant to improve things and run towards comfort, disowned the knowledge that our forefathers gained by meditating under the trees. What if the messages they received from our creator were falsified for personal benefits?

Or what if, we were told by our creator that politics and religions are the reasons why our time on Earth is actually a time for our soul to burn in hell. What if we’ve come here to learn our lessons, to live out our years on Earth that count for thousands of soul years. What if we’re told that there are chances that we’ve failed to live out our lessons most of the times and this is the reason we are heading towards our doomsday, a day when Earth will finally reset itself. What if we’re told that this is our destiny and we need to start learning our lessons urgently to finally merge with that single source of energy? What if this is our last and easiest chance to burn our karma and relieve ourselves of pain and suffering forever?

Or what if this is one those stages of evolution when we mandatorily have to go through the tough times? What if we’re told that these times are of transition and that humanity will progress to a higher dimension soon and all those who don’t learn their lessons soon enough, will be left behind? What if that is our doomsday?

No, I don’t believe in the doomsday theory as mentioned by the hilarious “2012” movie. But I do believe, we’re heading towards a time when none of the hatred we’ve created will matter and all those who’ve lived out their lives full of love and have at least tried to do it even during tough times will move on to better places with higher lessons and better chances of merging with God.

When I first started to write this post, and trust me I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, I thought this is going to be my worst post ever for I have no clue about what I’ll write. I’ve never imagined a heaven or hell. Those concepts are nugatory to me. Neither do they fill me with joy nor do they scare me. I believe this time is my time and I need to make it count. I’m carrying a lot of unbeknownst baggage and I’d like to shed it off during this birth inside this vehicle. I’ve been given an extraordinary vessel and it needs to perform as per the creators best wishes. I have no clue what my utopia is. It is possibly when I merge with my teacher beyond my sins that I know I can erase by emanating and spreading love and only love.

 

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The Goddess Energy

Why are we here?

We’re a swarm,

Created for that one purpose,

To work on that one goal,

To make mistakes,

To love again and again..

To trust the universe,.

To know that it’s the same for all of us,

To be one again,

To meet our maker.

We’re the bees,

We exist for the queen,

We exist to create that one home,

Our hive, our heaven unseen.

We’re different,

And yet are one.

Separated by the mind,

We dug a hole.

Forgot one another,

Forgot we’re the same chi,

To realize that potential,

Our Goddess Energy!

No Pain No Gain

This is where I stalled. The best I can describe my absence with, is I’ve been on a journey for a while. A journey to self-destruction and resurrection. A journey to see my ends. A journey to know the truth and self-worth, to live a tale worth telling. And it has come at a price. I’m lost. I’ve lost.

The burden of responsibility now forbids my senses to feel again, see again, hear again, think again. I fail to see how I got here. All that I am is truth. This is all I can be and yet I fail myself and others. The pain of understanding the world and people around me has got the worse of me. It’s becoming difficult to embrace myself for who I am. Because it’s dark. I’ve seen it. Something that’ll swallow me whole. I can feel things building inside me and they are a lot of weight to carry. The days are heavier and nights are sullen. I’m a ticking time bomb and time is close when I’ll explode. An explosion that will blow up their happiness to pieces and no one, not even me, knows what that’ll do to KING “ME”.

The ingredients of goodness inside me are depleting fast. I’ve got to come out. For inside me is burning anger. Case in point are these sudden urges to beat myself up. These urges occur when I’m happy about something specific or when I’ve sated myself. It’s not uncommon for me to feel bliss in pain but earlier, these feelings had a time and place. Not now. They just take over me and then possess me for days and days.

I’m different these days – angrier, surprisingly vociferous and scornful. I’ve always been different. My interests were different. I enjoyed pain and this is something I’m particularly proud of. I intentionally venture into the darker side when I’m aware of joys in brightness. But this tendency is at it’s peak now. I’ve started keeping myself on the edge. I break into moods I’m very unaware of. Life has become a game of hide and seek. Seeking while I’m hiding, in plain sight, yet creating thunders for myself and enjoying them.

I’m trying to find the psychology behind my actions that sometimes seem downright foolish. I’m forgetting more, trying to remember less and yet my dreams play out the drama for me, every night. Libation seems fruitless. So I tried exercising, trying to burn out all my excess energy, so I can remain calmer. It worked for a while, while the pain persisted. Once that went, so did the workouts. And now I’m free again with all that unburnt energy and no pain. It’s all like Forrest Gump. I do things without knowing why I’m doing them. Like these orders were etched inside my brain to be carried out now.

The song above describes me aptly. King Me – try looking for it’s meaning and you’ll get a number of absurd and pervasive results. I have my version too and it goes something like this – It’s a state of a narcissistic mind. One that’s trying to indulge for itself. It’s keeping yourself so high and untouchable, that a connect is almost impossible. It’s destructive. It makes you see and feel things, makes you sway from your path.

Why does King Me kill me? It’s because the world functions on people. People and things are the world. And when I can’t see beyond myself, I hurt others. Only in my case, since I have no one else to hurt, and so I hurt myself. I put myself through paces that are laid on death bed. And it burns. I have the marks – deep and unforgiving. People often tell me that I need to talk more but with what I have and what I do with it, my words fail me too.

That’s for a post later. Right now – Merry Christmas!!!! I’m looking forward to a new year filled with a lot of fresh opportunities and pain, because without pain, there’s no gain!

Hope

A belief is a strange concept isn’t it? And today’s prompt brings me to an even pivotal question – what do you believe in?

In all the unkindness of life, the only gift I’ve received is a belief in myself. People ask me – “What’s it that pushes you to the write everyday? What’s it that those invisible people give you?”.

My reply is simple – “What, in all your glorious presence, have you ever given me?”.

These answers were hard to come by. I’d rather have withstood the harsh words and satire, sipped on the bitter pills, and slouched into my bed. Not now. I now see hope. I now see acceptance. I now see feedback. I now feel a renewed energy and motivation, not to just run through my days like a dead bat and in the process gain, learn, acknowledge, and foremost converse.

It’s not just an empty drum aimlessly rolling in a desert. This drum is now ploughing its own road. Before I sleep every night, I now make mental notes of the numbers on my blog, the direction in which it is headed and its true purpose. I live in it. The world outside is slowly dying a painful death while the world inside now has little leaves popping out. Clear, green, fresh, and satiating the hunger of a burnt heart.

The boat of hope in my heart is finally afloat!

I’ll Take Care

So something authentic and mind churning came my way today in a text message –

No matter where you come from and when you start, your dreams are valid“.

My wife sent it to me. She told me that she was well applauded for her quote and even received a gift! Congrats Baby!

She went on to ask me, what I think of it? I liked it!

I think it speaks tons of what’s in her mind and how dear are her dreams to her heart.

I’ll tell you a few things about her that are necessary to know her. She is a dreamer of course. If you’ll ask her what’s her greatest dream, she’ll say – I want to be famous. If you’ll ask her what does she think about money, she’ll say – I don’t need much (which sometimes can be very tricky to comprehend, mind you). 😉

Back to the dreams though, she really does want to be famous. She loves colors, hates routines, loves comfort, hates dullness. She is in fact so much like a kid, you can see her expression change when things are not going according to her and the smiling coming back, when things do. Her head turns away from anything she doesn’t like much. She’s full of energy when she gets to smile, laugh and spread some and yet has none that’s expendable, to perform mundane tasks at home.

For some reason, the exciting never escapes her. She has a nose for it and it gets very perilous sometimes. The sudden clicks in her head can get so unnerving, she gets very difficult to cope with.

None of these are problems, mind you! She is a human being. She loves fun and is very open about it. She has a very unique mind that just doesn’t accept haze, for haze handicaps her. She hates confusions, loves frank and open discussions and if she gets her mind at some task, you can rest assured, it will be done.

She wants to do so much and is always on a prowl to do something unique. She’s brilliant at getting things done. She loves everyone and everything till they give her a reason for the otherwise.

I believe if I ask her what are your plans for later, she’ll reply –

“I want to continue with fashion. I want to indulge in social work. I want to start writing my book (that she plans to publish in 5 years). I want switch to a new house. I want to earn more. I want to move out of Delhi”.

If you eavesdrop on some of her client calls, all talks are big and about the ginormous steps towards the unthinkable. I’ve heard so many of her calls, and each one has one thing in common – she’ll always make sure that you are never at the losing end.

There are never intricate details at any moment. Nothing is planned to the last detail and that’s her achilles heel.

And this is where the quote in her mind comes from. She doesn’t know when and where to start working on her dreams and yet she knows they’re forever valid (which they are and will remain).

You don’t have to doubt yourselves sweetheart. Things will be alright. Trust me they will be because I’ll take care. 😉

Trackbacks & Pingbacks –

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  32. Things I say in my sleep. | Sticky Notes and Coffee
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  34. My Heart Breaks | Flowers and Breezes
  35. I’ll Take Care | Views Splash!
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  38. Daily Prompt: Talking in your sleep. | Emotional Fitness
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  40. Story of My Life. | Asta’s Space
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River of Energy

Energy is like a river. You can’t stop it. It will find its way no matter what you do to stop it. It is indestructible for it will only transform.

So stop wasting it on negative people. They are nothing. They will eat you from the inside and you’ll have nothing to spend on productive thoughts and actions. If you do not spend your energy on negative people and only even preserve it and not indulge in wrong deeds, it’ll find its way out towards construction, positivity and productivity. This river of energy should only be guided towards productive and generous channels.

People who won’t be constructive in my life will get the least of my energy and time. If you can’t be constructive towards me, do just 1 thing – spread some joy and laughter, simply lighten up the mood. And if you can’t even do that, just leave me alone!