Death

Death? Think about it and it feels rather strange. I don’t worry about the aftermath, why should I? I’m dead, aren’t I! But I do have an aging fear of the moment when I meet it. Right when I’m closing my eyes, I think I want peace!

Peace in the thought that I haven’t harmed someone, that the world won’t miss me when I’m gone and the knowledge that the people I loved, loved me back. I think I won’t live very long and I don’t want to, and yet I want to be cared about by the people and things I cared about after I’m gone. I don’t want people to cry around me when I’m dying. I hope the best people of my life get to be around me when I’m dying unless it’s on the road to office or back where all there’ll be are strangers.

Just some thoughts!

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XBOX 360 Hostility

It’s become a regular occurrence now. My office installed a set of XBOX 360 and our team is usually the first one to hit it right after lunch. So there we’re sitting having a nice little FIFA 14 session when someone who’s just finished his lunch comes in and asks for a remote. Well HELLOOOO!! Everyone who’s still playing just keeps looking at the screen like the new guy will somehow magically find a playing remote and the other person still has his hands held out like we owe him to let him play.

You see I’m normally the giving type though and I hate situations that make me uncomfortable. So everytime this happens, it’s me that yields and hands over his remote to the new guy. Now all this is fine with me but mustn’t it be courtesy to at least let me know when you’re done playing?

Also there are morons who when not given a remote to play, turn off the console and return to the seat while others are still playing, holding their remotes in their hands, and made to look like complete jerks.

Try working in such hostility and you’ll know what I mean!

Seeing is Believing

Hate is a strong word isn’t it? Especially when it comes to things you do or get done in a day. I hate none of what I do. I love my job. I like the people around me who work just like me. We have a fun time. I love my home or whatever of a ‘Home’ we’ve made it into. I love my dog. I love my wife and doing stuff for her.

The only thing that ails my soul and which I think is entirely a waste of my time (some may argue it isn’t) is driving to and fro my office. I feel that hour and a half is the least productive time in my day and the best period I can use for my writing if someone drives my vehicle. It isn’t fruitful to my health for all the smoke and dust that enters me, sticks to me, and makes me look like a villager on either end of the journeys. It doesn’t exercise a single muscle of my body and if anything raises my blood pressure. 

And therefore, I want my robot to be a car that drives itself. I know they are still building on this technology and I may never be able to afford one for myself for it may never turn cheap and I know I’ll end up driving my car for my whole life whenever I own one, I want to nurture this dream. I know a lot of you may argue against me sleeping late and waking up late but because we’re talking solely about my comfort, this will be the pinnacle of the technology I wish to own.

The entire commute must get reduced to small phrases – “Driver, drive to my office” or “Driver, drive to my home”. Something voice activated and startable only using a password and it then does all the work itself while I commute hasslefree inside a clean cabin, undisturbed to write all I want. This way I’ll get a thousand other ideas to write about too by simply looking out of the window.

Some may argue, why not take a bus instead which will be cheaper? I say, I hate being around people. Crowd and bad smells simply tick me off. This when clearly, people are my best source of inspiration for thoughts and writing. Every living body feeds my brains with things and teaches me stuff that no books or internet can.

Seeing is Believing“.

Life Happened

AAAAANNNNDDDD We’re done! I just read the last post in my mail box and now I stand on top of every post all of you have published till yesterday. Man this is hard work.

The problem I started to face was the enormity of the task that it had become – reading your posts. It took me forever to complete it everyday, at least 4-5 hours everyday, hours I don’t normally have. A task made harder now that my wife has returned from her holidays, so no extra hours for she needs attention and so do I!

The tasks in the office also peaked to numbers unfathomable for  single man to carry out. That meant longer hours at desk, and no reading or blogging there. Which in turn meant I had to catch up with everything and everyone in the meagre hours I have in the evenings – which with my pathetic internet connection is impossible.

6 posts in a week, from which 2 were reblogs. I had to start finding time for writing as well. And hence, started the filtering phase. I’d realized that not all the people who write everyday dedicated any kind of attention to me and I’ve been blindly following them for a long time for no results. So they had to go off from my mail box. And guess what – it took me an entire week to get this done. And now I see fewer posts in my mailbox, better posts from the people who seem to care about my kind of writing more than other lesser things. I know this may hurt others – well wait! Whom will it hurt? People that don’t anyways read my blog… well they can wait! 😀

For the rest of you, I can probably say – I’m Back and I can’t wait to start writing again!

Something’s Burning

It won’t be long before you know what burned today!

I woke up dazed today. Had no control of my senses or my abilities. Forcing myself off the bed, the only thing I remember doing was curse my office. Anyways I woke up, got ready with a new ironed shirt and all (don’t know who do I keep trying to impress, when the beauty stock in my office stands at zilch), fed the dog and zoomed on my bike to my office. There was no traffic and I reached my office in 15 minutes flat i.e. 1 km every minute. This didn’t ring a bell inside my brain-dead head.

Parking was empty and I thought “What a great Tuesday! I’m here before my boss!”. Yeah, you moron, ofcourse you are! The lift too zoomed without a stop to the top floor of the building. The lights were off. I saw no one. The clock had finally started ticking inside and the brain just started to wake up when I opened my mouth and asked the security guard – “Is it a holiday today?”.

The moment he started to smile, I knew I had missed an email yesterday. He simply replied – “Sir, don’t you know it? Mail was sent twice yesterday”. Not only was he smiling but I probably even saw him asking me – “Sir, is something burning?”.

You can now probably guess, what was burning then! Not only did I wake up early on a holiday, I’ll be the protagonist in most of the jokes in office tomorrow! I still have the morning headache which only gets worse when I think about how lost I’ve been lately!

Damn!

Just Like Everyday

I awake to the haze of this world, I see hope instilled in a dream, just like everyday.

I take to that same old rocky road, I see routine, I smile, just like everyday.

I see people, leaving their prints on the road, cursing and hopeless, just like everyday.

I look up, the sun shines on my sunglasses, I feel warmth, just like everyday.

I look at my office, I see challenge, I clench my fist, just like everyday.

I see the evening sun, a round orange and crimson of cool, I soak, just like everyday.

I come home, greeted by an eager companion, wagging his tail, just like everyday.

I meet you, the incredible invisible yet believable people, chasing a million other dreams, just like everyday.

I hold the dream of a better tomorrow close to my heart, unseen to others, silently burdened, just like everyday.

The night dawns upon me, webbed bloodshot eyes, sleep is distant, just like everyday.

I leave today everyday, writing the yesterday into my legacy, awaiting tomorrow, just like everyday.

I live in today, just like everyday!

Lets see what people have left in their lives –

  1. Black-and-white mood | The Bliss of Reality
  2. Electric pole | Vintage Photography
  3. 1973 – Volkswagen Beetle | The Bliss of Reality
  4. 1970 – Volkswagen Beetle | The Bliss of Reality
  5. Night is young | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  6. Crossing | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
  7. 1969 – Volvo 142 | The Bliss of Reality
  8. Tetris | Crazy Art
  9. Daily Prompt: If You Leave -Living Simple Life and the Obstacle | Journeyman
  10. Droplet from water tap explaining to its brothers and sisters structure of the world ocean | Crazy Art
  11. Leaving for the Normal | Mara Eastern’s Personal Blog
  12. Daily Prompt & The Button (short story) | The Jittery Goat
  13. Dp Daily Prompt: If You Leave | Sabethville
  14. of last straws | Anawnimiss
  15. dulu dan nanti | The Frozen Tears
  16. Leaving | Attempted Human Relations and Self
  17. I’ve Had Enough of This Utah Place
  18. Daily Prompt: Break Ups | Cabernet In The Dark
  19. I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  20. Beyond the horizon | MC’s Whispers
  21. Who Really DECIDES? | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  22. Harry Potter, Famous Dads and Stoke Newington | AS I PLEASE
  23. Dear John: a fictional letter | ALIEN AURA’S BlOG: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND!
  24. Daily Prompt: Leave an old and start a new! Can I ? | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  25. Selbstständigkeit versus Festanstellung | Zeitarbeiterin
  26. when love appeared in a yellow brick road | kaleidoscope sparks of defiance
  27. DP: Leaving – Autumn by Ruswa Fatehpuri | aliabbasali
  28. We Gathered Yesterday | Exploratorius
  29. Daily Prompt: If You Leave « Mama Bear Musings
  30. Crossroads | Inks and Scribbles
  31. A Letter To Say Goodbye | The Magic Black Book
  32. Too literal? Maybe, but I like the image…! | thoughtsofrkh
  33. Heartbreak | Flowers and Breezes
  34. COLORS AT THE CROSSROAD | SERENDIPITY
  35. Leaving Pittsburgh
  36. Daily Prompt: Why leaving a mouse is never easy | Blogizing
  37. I Give Up | The Zombies Ate My Brains
  38. Daily Prompt: March 12 | Balmy Life
  39. Remember where you came from… | Rima Hassan
  40. Contemplation | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
  41. Going on a break | Eclecticfemale’s Blog
  42. Daily Prompt: If You Leave | Awl and Scribe
  43. Leaving on a Jet Plane . . . | meanderedwanderings
  44. Daily Prompt: Crossroads | A Day In The Life
  45. Daily Prompt: If You Leave | Finding Life
  46. The Final Goodbye | Parents Are People Too
  47. 412 | mesardonicmesarcastic
  48. To leave or not to leave? | Sue’s Trifles
  49. If You Leave | Existentialists R Us
  50. poetry: daily prompt: never really leave | Shaddie on spec. fiction
  51. Daily Prompt: If You Leave | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  52. the times they are a ~changin | eastelmhurst.a.go.go
  53. if you leave | klstar2000
  54. iQuit |
  55. Let it go: Leaving so that I may stand in my own shadow « psychologistmimi
  56. If I leave | Jennifer Paige
  57. Leave it All Behind | Knowledge Addiction
  58. Crossroads | The Land Slide Photography
  59. If I Leave Detroit | A Blog of One’s Own
  60. I’ve abandoned it all | See it. Shoot it. Scrap it.
  61. Daily Prompt: If You Leave | Basically Beyond Basic

Right In Two by Monkeys

I live with so many assholes around me that my brain has started paying huge tolls for the upkeep of my soul and spirit. There are morons who I know tease me day in and day out throwing shit at me because they know I hate shit talk. They keep talking around my favorite topics and throwing shit around like they mean it when I know they don’t and they couldn’t care less about it. And yet when I know those fools must be ignored, my mind keeps dragging my focus to how much I hate them. I get so angry. Think I have to convert this anger into productivity asap. Relieve my head. Or else I don’t know what I’d do and I may just explode.

Then there are people who just don’t let anyone speak. They just have to sing their own tune all the time. What about us who take time to come out with our thoughts? Please give up this habit else you are an inconsiderate fool.

There are also people who think that they have a measure of you like they live inside your house, sleep beside your bed, shit right beside you to know everything about you. Hell no, you don’t know shit about me! And the lesser you care about my well-being and whereabouts, the more productive I may get. These people are so damn prejudiced that everything we do may just be wrong.

And right as I’m writing this angry post (which is not a rant) – I hear this song which has made my day – “Right In Two” by Tool. Am just posting the lyrics here ‘coz I can’t post videos from my office –

Angels on the sideline,
Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they’re all confused.

Don’t these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly old monkeys,
Where there’s one you’re bound to divide it

Right in two

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
(and this is what they choose)

Monkey, killing monkey, killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And when there’s one they’re bound to divide it,

Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey, killing monkey, killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They make a club
And beat their brother… down.
How they survived so misguided is a mystery.
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability
to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here

Gotta divide it all right in two

They fight, till they die
Over earth, over sky
They fight, over life,
Over brawn, over air and light,
Over love, over sun. Over blood
They fight till they die over words, polarizing.

Angels on the sideline again
Benched along with patience and reason
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end

Gotta divide it all right in two
Right in two

Right in two…

— I know this song stands for a completely different purpose but try to think of it when the “Eden” that the monkeys divide, is your brain.  And the monkeys are people sitting right beside you. They don’t have to be in government to change your life and standards. All these around me are monkeys who divide my mind in two! And they are repugnant! That’ll get the perspective correct too.

By the way, people who seek examples of perfectly timed drumming, this song is one example of asynchronicity in synchronicity.

(Banging my head on the wall).

Possession

Roses For You
Roses For You

I start my day and the first thing that pops up in my mind – How will it be at office today? Will I get to spend some time with just myself from the schedule or I’d scour the day looking at a black and green screen?

Which one holds more meaning? What is it that I seek in a day that makes it worthwhile? Should I round-up a couple of gangsters and hand them over to cops? Social service – Naaahhh! Whatever they do, it’s their business. I alone can’t make this world a better place but I’ll do whatever I can using my PC. They will pay for their deeds sometime in this life – Karma, remember?

So what do I do? I spend so much time against a screen that I’ve got to find my meaning right here, on this screen. But how do I trigger that sequence that leads me to my purpose everyday?

A friend once asked me – “How did you come to know that you wanted to write? How did you get this wake up call all of a sudden? You never talked about it, said a word about blogging and how did blogging ever make way into your routine?”.

I looked at him blankly and we kept trudging. I’ve since then analyzed my days and activities and come up with the following summary –

My PC gives me all the kicks during the day. It’s my sole connect to the planet. A planet filled with pictures, music, news, and things that build and improve my perception towards life.

So what gives “meaning” to my day? Writing a great piece of code, learn something new in technology, a great blog post, a deep thought, a well narrated story, a beautiful song, heart warming comments from my readers, or a beautiful kiss from my wife. Yes, that’s my answer.

These are things that plant a smile on my face for the rest of the day. My possession. I’m possessed and obsessed by these. These are what make my life what it is now. They are my source of daily inspiration. To keep working hard, trying harder and enjoying success the hardest.

I would never give up on them, will you? What are your possessions?

Krakow!

What’s up with Kraków? Why am I hearing this word time and again since 4 days now? Is there any connection?

Kraków, Poland. Office, home, WordPress Reader and now my blog too! Normally when I post something on my blog I get rid off it and I can then move on. Lets see how this goes.

Save Me – The Prelude

Amit had turned into a steadfast disciplinarian after marriage. He had vowed to never let his pre-marriage sluggishness slow his career and family down. And it rubbed on his family too. They would wake up early, spend time together and move on to the day. Dinners were together and so were the weekends. They loved and admired each other. For his children, he was a role model.

But he woke up early that morning. It was 5:00 and he couldn’t sleep again. He freshened up and came close to Maya who still looked fresh like she was fooling him with her sleep. The autumn sun had begun to make way through the window panes and Amit noticed it was disturbing her. He playfully placed a finger to put a shadow on her eyes. She relaxed. He then removed it slowly. He repeated it and got the same response. The third time, she slowly moved her eyelids and opened her eyes. She loved waking up this way and Amit knew it. They held palms together and he helped her get up to rest against the head of the bed. It was very quiet. The kids would wake up in half an hour and they wanted to spend this precious time together. She got up, prepared tea when she noticed, Amit staring at her from the kitchen door. She felt amazing with this attention and went up to him and hugged him real tight.

Amit needed this and so did she. Somehow Maya always knew what he wanted and the same stood for Amit. They felt love. And yet the uneasiness that had woken him up, didn’t subside. He whispered in her ears while holding her against his chest – “Can you skip work today? Lets watch a movie together at home”. He sounded so excited that Maya almost gave up the thought of office but the reports struck her head immediately and she said – “Baby, you’ll have all my time from a few months later. Let me finish my office tenure on a high and not flunk on a few bugging reports. Boss gets irked”. Amit almost knew her answer to the letter and yet somehow controlled his anger hormones and answered wryly – “Sure!”.

They broke their hold finally and started their respective days. Woke up their children, bathed them, got ready themselves, pulled the car out of the garage after a heavy breakfast and scurried into the traffic. Amit just couldn’t yet get his gaze off from Maya. She looked stunning and he was jealous of her male colleagues for they got to see her more than he did. The pinches of uneasiness in his heart though, had started to show on his face now.

After dropping her off at her office and children to their schools, Amit after a few miles stopped to text Maya – “Would it be possible for you to come home early today? I just want to see you home in bed today”.

He drove again after a pat on his steering wheel and his phone beeped with her reply – “I’m really sorry sweetheart but no”.

Maya couldn’t help but think of Amits behaviour and wasn’t sure of what exactly was bothering him. He had never pushed her from work till date and it was awkward. He had always been laid back and he knew all this would end soon.

Amit in his office, on rarest of occasions, was seen pacing the floor and some even saw his temper flying. He wanted Maya so bad and couldn’t wait to hold her in her arms again in the evening. He even thought of visiting Maya during the lunch but later rationality struck and he gave up the thought. He worked and waited for the evening – drinks and bed. He had smiled.

Maya on the other hand was having a rough day. A few mistakes hither and thither, were already pushing her behind her schedule. She had thought of calling Amit after lunch but Boss had come calling. She had given up and began waiting for her time with Amit in the evening. She had smiled.

She just didn’t know, Gurgaon had other plans for her tonight.