What does a Reward mean?

A ruffle of your hair,

The eyes of the feigning clappers,

Eyes that ooze jealousy when your name is read out.

A pat on the back,

A sudden turn of the heads,

Heads still bewildered while you answered first.

The adoring parents,

Shouting out loud in the audience,

Realizing their son played a role none in the crowd was capable of.

Those happy rides home,

After the parents teachers meet,

The opportunity to brag.

Gifts Galore.

A peck on the cheek,

A kiss on the lips,

For she can’t hold herself back anymore.

She has to give in,

For she doesn’t see anyone but you,

A trusted beloved to share her life and love with.

——-********——-

As it turns out, my rewards are hardly derived from my elation. They are compounded by the emotions people around me portray through their actions. Anyone else recognize themselves through this post?

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Reward of Love

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Reward.”

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This is my greatest reward. To place an unknown human being in my sphere of trust. To let her know she’ll never be alone again. The connection to Shiva though, is something only she can explain. 🙂

A Voice Unheard is a Voice Lost!

Ah the beauty of the songs! The rappers, they exist to let our voice out. Our voice, a common man’s voice with not enough sound and words.

How many of us partners in a relationship find ourselves in two different worlds with a sudden urge to improve our lives, fulfil our dreams, live our fantasies, only that we are the only hinderance in their plans? The thought that sticks out is, ‘I can do so much more and give us so much more, just that I’m in love with you and I can’t leave you’. Such crossroads seldom come but when they do, they are a real test of patience, trust, and responsibility towards each other. The path of my life that I once swore by, stands divided. My phase has arrived. I face 2 routes now –

1. To go ahead and give way to freedom of thoughts and actions. A path I’ll choose for every living being on this planet at any moment of my life. They all have the right to live their own life, do what they want to and experience life on their terms. Why do I give this freedom? Because this is one luxury I don’t give myself. I’ll forever feel responsible – to stay away from trouble as much as I can, to keep my partner away from one, and pavé way for them when they are stuck in their life, to steer them clear from any possible danger. I’ll never let go no matter how easy someone makes it for me. People have tried but this hard assed brain just can’t make peace with responsibility.

2. The other option is to stop this infighting inside my brain, pause life around me and say NO. No! Whatever we do, we do it together and never leave each other even if it means killing a thousand seeds of dreams and some dreams themselves. How cruel will that be?

Also when I say NO, don’t I go against a nature – Mine! How will I ever console myself if there was an opportunity to be had and I let it go or made others let it go? What if an idea never turned true only for my selfishness? Aren’t I the devil then?

A thing I’ve had plenty of is failure – lots of them, some of them even career threatening and the only thing I gave myself then were chances in abundance. Chances to perform, to stand up straight and adore myself once in a while gleaming with pride in the face of a mirror. And it’s these chances that everyone deserves and must yearn for. An indomitable spirit, in more cases than not, paves way towards your aim. Be positive and it in turn creates positive waves around you that affect everyone and fills them with positivity too, something they may have forgotten to imbibe within themselves.

All you’ve got to do then is – Shout it out, as loud as possible! And things are ticked into motion just to fulfil your destiny, your wish. It’s not hope, it’s a belief and I live by it. For until your words don’t leave your brain, they’ll forever remain unheard and unacted upon.

Be your own gramophone! 😀

Lies, Deceit and Unfaithfulness

You hate lies. You don’t lie and absolutely hate being lied to.

Are you faithful to me? Ask yourself this question before you meet my eyes again. Have you repaid for my faith in you? Will you ever be able to? These questions no matter how cynical, need to be asked when what lies between the two of you is a puddle of lies and deceitful actions. These are virtues that must always be questioned and dare to be questioned for they often land a relationship in trouble.

There is a point in life after which living for others takes a priority over living for yourself. We tend to think that it’s her smile that would guide me through my day and it’s her smile that keeps you motivated. But what if the smile is a lie? The aura around you is a crooked lie built from the cement and gravel of deceit and unfaithfulness? Is it a situation you can recover from? Is it forgivable? Is it forgettable for the one you loved, simply put, lied for no clear cause of fear?

What if they want to come back to you but deep down in your heart you know, the process will be immensely slow and painful like being pricked by a toothpick which won’t kill you out of anguish but will keep reminding you of a remedial present and a demeaning past? You ask these questions not for yourself but for them ‘coz your love for them is selfless and comes with no apparent interest. How can you trust them again? How will you repay for my faith again?

Trust – what trust?

If you don’t and can’t trust me, please don’t let your shit splatter over my face again and again. It hurts. It hurts to know that people whom I know should have been closest to me, can’t trust me. All because of my past doings even when all the while in my recent past I have only been trying to make up for it with all the effort going rather unnoticed.

That brings me to a question – is it possible for a man distrusted to be ever trusted again? Do we forever lose the importance of their current words and actions in the chaos of their past? Do we always try to derive the results from their rather vulnerable past? Couldn’t it be possible that the man is trynna’ make up for his undoings, all the while correcting his present and preparing for his future, for which he is rather too late I suppose (for he has lost a lot of time dealing with the failures of the past)?

It starts all over – again!

There are moments that define you, that change the course of your life and then there are ones that set you the tone for those defining moments!

I just returned from my brother’s marriage, happening as it was, I really enjoyed there. Loads of fun, some fools around but they don’t matter! But most fun of all was I danced! I danced like there was no tomorrow and frankly I had two reasons to be so happy – both me and my bro were gonna start a new life. That moment was so epic, I couldn’t help but let myself bask in its glory. Nothing could deter me and nothing ever will. All my planning, all my money, all my resources consumed for one sole purpose since last couple of months, so much so that I had started to ignore my work – the results of which are now coming to the fore. I can concentrate on myself now, I can build my life now and can finally live now.

To another man, it may seem that marriages are a way of life and you must always be prepared. But then they are other men. Me – I’m too coy and unsocial. These occasions are ones that turn me into someone who is just not me. No more. No more of these occasions will I have to face and live through.

And at the end, it became incredibly overwhelming and all sorts of small things started to bother me. People who think they know me, now know they don’t. They won’t hurt me, they won’t beseech me. I can be left alone for myself and for my wife. It’s time we started our life afresh – again!

India, Pak should resolve differences with trust and courage: Hina Rabbani Khar

India, Pak should resolve differences with trust and courage: Hina Rabbani Khar – The Times of India.

Please mind your own husband first lady! Getting banged outside your own home and you are talking about trust.