The Goddess Energy

We’re a swarm,

Created for that one purpose,

To work on that one goal,

To make mistakes,

To love again and again..

To trust the universe,.

To know that it’s the same for all of us,

To be one again,

To meet our maker.

We’re the bees,

We exist for the queen,

We exist to create that one home,

Our hive, our heaven unseen.

We’re different,

And yet are one.

Separated by the mind,

We dug a hole.

Forgot one another,

Forgot we’re the same chi,

To realize that potential,

Our Goddess Energy!

An Unbound Rage

That mental cacophony,

That uncompressed yell,

That undulating pain,

The hurt your heart felt,

That sickness in your belly,

Those trembling hands,

Those clenched muscles,

That need to dish out fear,

That sadistic streak,

Those flickering eyes,

Those shallow breaths,

Those pulsating nerves,

That short gulp,

Trigger to a Slur!

 

Her Song

Imagine.

A butterfly unfold,

With belligerent glittering wings,

She begins to fly,

Leaving a trail of gold.

Touching the sky at one,

For her limits are none.

Grazing the fall,

Touching the leaves,

Petting the flowers,

Wind blows it to the sea.

She leaps again,

This time, she won’t sway

For she knows her way.

While she heads for the stars,

She knows she can’t look back,

She believes in it now,

There’s no hiding any more,

When she lights the heavens on fire!

Future Haze

It’s always been a mystery to me how people can create their future in their heads and act accordingly now. For me my future is a blur. I’ve always been the reactive kind, dancing to the tunes that life plays for me. I’m so involved in my today that I hardly ever get time to think about tomorrow, bless those who can see others futures too. Is it intuition that they talk about? Or are they simply differently gifted? I believe I am gifted but my gift lies more enjoying my now than going after something that won’t necessarily be there for me as I see it.

Some people tell me that all it takes is knowing yourself better, knowing your preferences and an inclination to act to your whims today. That’s what I do I guess but when I ask questions, they tell me I have to set an intention for whatever I want to achieve? For which material goal should I set an intention for when nothing material interests me any more. My goals are all subjective like attaining total freedom, from the society, from the corporates, to find out what I’m here for and simply go after it.

I guess I need to fill myself with love and abandon all fear to attain what I’m after. Just on course though, to don’t know where, and while I’m at it let me say thanks to all the lessons I’m learning and how I’m being enabled to shed and heal.

I Promise!

I’ve thanked you guys a lot before and I continue do so for having loved and visited my sacred home – my blog!

Ever since I started writing here, in this space, I’ve never once thanked my blog itself! The deep connection I have with this place is bearing fruits now. The hundreds of posts – some in context and some out of it, some inebriated or some not so, some happy or some morose, some that intrigued me as well – are my treasure of knowledge and experiences I could share and those that I vow to continue to share with you, my ever so lovely audience!

I write this post, not because I’m nostalgic, but because I’m starting to realize that I’ve never thanked myself enough – to have put my mind, my soul and this body in such precarious situations, to have never thanked them and that the only place that carries most of what I’ve said and done is this blog, making it all the more crucial that I thank this space itself!

During the past few months, since I’ve started to connect to a special place within me, I’ve often come back to this haven to seek answers. I wonder now how true some of the observations still are? And how the hell did I know all that way back then i.e. 3 years ago? And most importantly, how the hell did I dare forget them? Well I know the answer to the last question, because I may have been drunk as hell… probably… well, just kidding!

I am almost on the verge of starting again, to write, to revel in the chatter that my dear readers indulge in, and the love I get for getting creative in my own silly ways. But there are still final hurdles to cross and one of them is – laziness. This just has to go. I have had it with this bugger for it sucks the zest out from my life. I forgot the only reason I started to write was to let myself out, not to please people or give in to their taste but create my own, no matter how bitter it may taste.

I’ve also realized that I have punished myself voluntarily for every lapse in schedule to deliver on my work of art. It distracts me, it hurts me, it handicaps my thinking and morale. I’ve had enough of this lackadaisical attitude and it’s time that I pull my socks up again. My journey to self-discovery had started with this blog. It served its purpose dutifully and honestly but I’ve not been honest to it. And it’s time now to reciprocate all that this place has given me.

There’s no getting out of this promise and nothing must deter me. It’s time to shape up!

 

I’ll Rename Ya – Like it or not!

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Flangiprop!.”

All families have a nasty little habit of renaming things and people around them. We do it based on certain special characteristics of the thing or person. I’ve done some renaming myself. I call myself ‘SAM’, my wife ‘BACHCHA’ (meaning kiddo). I renamed my dog and he has plenty of names – ‘BOBO’, ‘DOMBU’, ‘BUCHU’, ‘DEEBO DAABO’, ‘SHREKA’, ‘OMBO’ when his actual name is Shrek.

So… I’ll assign the word ‘Flangiprop’ to my dog dancing with a hoop around his belly. Seems kind of funny… Think about it – Shrek rotating his belly with a hoop around it – ‘Flangiprop’.

The word in a sentence – I saw my dog ‘Flangipropping’ today!

True Happiness

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Lazy Learners.”

I think I may have looked like this guy a couple of times while walking down the streets, metal banging deep into my ear drums – crazy enough that I would just not jump in the air to relieve the rush. It must have started in my toddler years when I started counting beats and moving my wrists and ankles to every beat.

I have no clue when this crazy habit turned into a long held and suppressed passion. Yes, I’m talking about drumming. Yearnings often have a strange way to fill voids around you. They just simply pop up when you are least prepared for them. You’d have no money, no resources, no motivation to start a new chapter. But this is how and when life throws you tests to check if you’re still that kid who’d give anything to hit a six on the first ball of every over, to take a wicket with the first ball that you bowl – to test your zeal.

It came and went by, multiple times – the opportunity to start drumming. I’d have no money or the studio would be far or I’ll simply be lazy enough to not let even an earthquake move me from my bed and each time it felt like I missed a train and with it, the journey to all good and adventurous things. And when I think about it now, all the while I was simply avoiding the journey to start finding myself and my truer purpose.

I have this crazy habit of killing myself and my ambitions before building new ones. It starts with a simple and an insignificant compromise made in the name of benevolence wherein I’ll give my chocolate away or skip a pizza to provide for a cab ride for my wife. You know it’s these kind of things that birth a lackadaisical attitude. I have a tendency to wait for opportune moments to arrive when I’ll best savor the pleasures that I indulge in. But sadly, it has never served me well, or that’s how feel right now – left behind, cowering from the harsh realities of this world.

I’m evolving as all things do. And with it I’m learning the important factor that governs all things – TIME. And as each moment passes me by, this incredible urge to finish all that’s yet incomplete is killing all the patience I’ve accumulated in my 30 years past. It feels that I must miss no train again. And if it means losing something precious, so be it, for all good things that you do for yourself compensate for other good things that aren’t really high on longevity.

So now when I play inside the jamming room and the calf muscles start to burn, I think about all the times I have ditched this pleasure – my pleasure in order to pleasure others. Now I don’t get scared when I hold those two sticks between my fingers. I’m just starting (3 classes young) but the encouragement I get from my teacher is enough to let me return to my home with a well earned smile. This, my friends, is true happiness. Nothing surpasses it!!!

Why So Happy Today?

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Singular Sensation.”

How I wish someone of my taste reads everything I write and tries to know me better. He/She needn’t be a genius. Just a concerned, conforming and an inquisitive person.

I need someone who wants to understand and know the thoughts that occur in my head randomly. They needn’t have the ears but must have the eyes to see through to inside. Every gaze must acknowledge me. It’s not the approval I seek, just a conscious effort to calm a very anxious mind. The nerves that never settle, always need a calming influence. Someone who understands the sweaty palms and the floundering words. The eyes that fail to look into others eyes and the lips that fail to break into a smile.

I just wish for a voice to break into one of my dreams and foretell my path. One that balms every single hurt that pegs me back. Erases the memories of the people who’ve pretended to care for me, never did and never could… simply never had the time. One that makes me forget the people who only remember me on special occasions except for real friends who have my consent to call me when they want to. I just wish for a real well-wisher that can tell me what to do without setting any expectations.

I just wish to laugh again knowing full well that they won’t ask me,”Why so happy today?”

My Shadow of Doubt

I’m a 125 kg man. 6ft in height. Good enough shoulders and a pot belly. In many a countries I’m overweight and some might argue to make me book 2 tickets just for myself to fly around. Just Kidding – I’m not that fat or am I? Don’t know and don’t care.

I can’t care less about my looks. It’s not a case of a scared and suppressed man who’s heard and hates the word ‘Mota’ (Fatso) way more than his own name during the course of his life. Even if the latter part is true, I believe no amount of ragging, nudging, pushing, or loathing can subdue the inner spirit that says nothing is impossible. This is no delusion. There are times though when I think, what it would take for me to prepare for the inevitable, that last ray of light that gets noticed in my head, the moment I realize that I’m eventually unprepared for the worst. How do you prepare for it? In this dynamic world with all sorts of things loose on the streets that can kill you any second, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for the last light or the last night.

I may not know the answers to some questions and yet, I believe that they aren’t tough enough to figure out. I’ve seen enough competitive years to know that the times when you are stuck is nature’s way to bring forth the lessons that you may have missed while dealing with the course that nature itself designed for you. I’ve been chubby and to an extent – fat for my age. I was born heavy, lived heavy and am surviving (rather well) heavy. I hate figuring out the measures of my blood or the proteins or carbohydrates. I hate thinking that I am sick. If I ever am, trust me when I say this, the news WILL fall on deaf ears like it always does. I don’t plan to live long. It’s never at the back of my mind. I don’t like and want the funny things that come with some spectacular end. I don’t want money. As long as I survive on my own, I’m glad to have not bothered a soul with my issues. To those whom I’ve already bothered with my existence, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there when I truly needed you for without you, my boat wouldn’t have had the wind it needed to set sail.

So whats the point of this post? I know you’ve all heard this message a trillion times before. However, I’m trying. I’m trying to start believing in the figure I see when I look into the mirror. It’s an exercise some of the new souls in my life are having me do. They say acceptance is the key for me. I want to start a new, reinvigorated and stress free journey, one that fulfils my dreams and mine alone. I don’t see anyone becoming a part of this voyage, for I can’t see far. But I believe that if there is a part wherein another soul has to intervene, they will know their purpose and will only add new meaning and colors to it. Everyone has to start somewhere. I refuse to see this world in the way it comes to me. I see a lot of good happening and this shall forever be my endeavor – to see good for that’s what invigorates me. I will go beyond the damning filth that’s always presented first, to find the truth and whether it’s worthwhile to pursue. I will not stress to find what doesn’t concern me.

I will strive to find what’s right for me and will not be lazy. I aspire to create a vibration, a flow of light that truly defines my purpose (yet unknown). I invite the energies that are destined to become a part of me.

I aspire to erase this shadow of doubt that destroys the purity of my form. I’ll follow my gut.

Bring It On

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Journey.”

The time of hope and persistence, honesty and dread, karma and belief, brought with it a surreal series of change. Break it down – the time into fragments, for each is as magnificent in its own right, a bag full of teachings, shining brightly upon my path. That path and where it leads, I know not.

The all-knowing, all giving power that rises within us in times of desperation – is like lights beside the runway to guide not just the stable but more so, the unstable planes. Nothing teaches us more about ourselves than such times of desperation. I learnt a lot.

Yes I was scared. Yes I was confused. Yes the pain in the heart was ever bearing and the brain, paralysed. Yet every stone that hurt me, only powered me, to go that much further. To look for my destiny. To smile at the sight of the end of the earth and sky, that horizon, which I knew would someday be mine.

Desperation when used properly is possibly the greatest tool we can own. Enough of it makes us fearless, uncaring. It shows us the true strength of our character. It gives us clarity on the decisions we make. It guides us to that juncture where we either rise or fall. It stretches us beyond our limits to possibly achieve the unthinkable, or get us ever closer to that “Eureka” moment.

The simplest formulae to tapping and reaping from even the rough times is to say to yourself – “these trying times are another bundle of opportunities”. And believe in it. Keep repeating it to yourself and condition yourself to just do the right thing, the humane thing. There are a million wolves waiting for your shivering carcass to show through your thinning skin but don’t care, don’t bother. I met my long cherished goal after walking on a daunting and humiliating path that forever shamed my self-respect and yet I rose and came through.

It doesn’t shame me now, to proclaim that I went through the mud to reach that Lotus and the effort I put into it. To have got my hands dirty in a coal mine to get to that Diamond. Life seems so complete now and how I wish it would last forever the same way with no further hiccups but then, that wouldn’t be fun, will it?

Bring it on!

Reward of Love

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Reward.”

This is my greatest reward. To place an unknown human being in my sphere of trust. To let her know she’ll never be alone again. The connection to Shiva though, is something only she can explain. 🙂

Things Change and How!

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Transporter.”

A lot has changed. From the time when a tiny boom box painted the rainbow of sounds across our home, as it churned out melodies after melodies on the radio and cassette player, to today when I have my sound at my fingertips. The smell of food that filled my heart will forever remain attached to the sounds I heard then. I see my mother in the kitchen, now and then. One ever so busy mother, with a job at hand, making sure all’s in order for lunch while me and my brother freshen up and change into regular clothes.

The table cleaned, waiting for a flurry of dishes be placed on it, to embrace them, to taste the curries that filled them. The table loved us. While we dearly waited for my dad to arrive, on his scooter, “Priya”, the sound of which got everyone into action. The table, all dressed, invited the hungry ones. Hungry ones always found the way. What would normally start out as lunch with sun-filled eyes ended in a blur. Somehow I don’t remember a single thing I did after lunch, probably clean the table and sleep was all I did till my pretense of being grown up finally showed through – then I studied, had to, never knowing why.

Today, while I wait for my maid to ring my doorbell and prepare what SHE calls food, I recall those afternoons, for I took them lightly, for they may never happen again. Such sweet memories and each one has a song for it. Like a straw that flows, I’ve seen a lot along the way, things appalling and shambolic, things that make me hum tunes, from the distant past. Tunes I won’t forget. Some Things change and how and Some never can!

Here is one of those tunes that reminds me of those lunches, the siestas and the pretense I now call “Studying” –

Live Stress Free

The way I am, I prefer to consider that everyone is struggling and are unhappy in their own right. They got lemons and failed to make lemonade out of it, just like I failed on umpteen occasions. Now here’s why I do that:

This way I never mean to do any harm to another human being, at least knowingly. And still there were times when I was made a complete jerk off. My home has often been a shelter for some people who’ve fooled me into believing in their plight. It’s only later when I’ve had time and space to explore their side that I’ve come to know how foolish I really was. But I don’t throw them out, just try and resolve their concerns with me, if any. When they find out, that I know about their truth, they automatically leave out of guilt.

Even then, I believe, till the damage can be repaired I won’t mind sheltering people for I have, in my own right, done a good deed. I also feel this is one way to live stress free, by taking satisfaction in the fact that you’ve done a someone some good and forgetting about it, than pulling the heartache of the betrayal along in life, which eventually is a baggage not worth of our time and energy.

You’re Beautiful

Have you discussed ‘Beautiful‘ with people? I haven’t and I don’t know what beautiful is. No one taught me what beautiful is and I believe no one can. For what’s beautiful for a gazillion, may not be for me and it depends on my mood.

I am not untouched by nature or beautiful people and I’ve seen beauty in few of the rawest and most memorable forms but sometimes I don’t stand even by my word about someone or something being beautiful, leave alone others. Ergo, beauty is subjective to opinions and can never be clearly defined.

What’s beautiful though is this song –

What’s beautiful about the song? The voice and the picture it paints, the strings brush up the picture and the bass fills the colors. So true and clear, here’s what I see:

A girl enters a train with her beau brushing by our guy, revitalizing his senses already dead from the men rubbing him and their smell while he stands by the door. A few minutes later when a jerk from the sudden brakes makes the girl turn around when our guy lays his first sight on her face, and he simply melts, and the song ensues.

I know it’s cheesy but I am in the mood for cheesy!

Let me know your version of the picture this song paints.

JUST BACK OFF!

There’s a saying among us – “Surplus of anything is wrong”!

And I agree to all its versions. It stands true for everything we touch or feel. And as the prompt is about information, I’ll talk about information and how it depreciates all our prior understanding of the topic. And this happens around me all the time. While it’s paramount to understand every aspect of everything that we deal with, over-indulging invariably reduces its charm and often times, its enigma. It’s no longer fun to deal with or indulge in, rather an already boring and mundane task.

But then, some people are built that way. They love discussing and to such an extent that they’ll discuss, till the rubber comes off the tyres, about things that really don’t even blow air on them. They believe in the saying – “All Information is Useful”! Think about the chatter that these morons can make, scares the crap out of me… TRUST ME!

Now think about the pitiable souls (Yours Truly, in this case) that have to hear their discussions day in and day out, about such things. Here’s an example:

Think about discussing properties all day long or stock markets. Both of them deal with your money directly, money that I don’t have and yet have to hear about. I’m buying so-and-so-stock or how about the property on the east wing of a god-forsaken-piece-of-land-that-may-someday-spew-gold!

Trust me, my world revolves around certainty. If it isn’t certain, my interest drops off a cliff. And think about the 100 million worth of properties or 10 million worth of stocks that I don’t have and may never have, and yet have to hear about all day long like senseless crows cawing in my ears. I just can’t care lesser for them.

So please, spare me of the information I don’t need. When my time comes and it definitely will, I may seek you for advice but till then, JUST BACK OFF and leave my ears alone!

Seeing is Believing

Hate is a strong word isn’t it? Especially when it comes to things you do or get done in a day. I hate none of what I do. I love my job. I like the people around me who work just like me. We have a fun time. I love my home or whatever of a ‘Home’ we’ve made it into. I love my dog. I love my wife and doing stuff for her.

The only thing that ails my soul and which I think is entirely a waste of my time (some may argue it isn’t) is driving to and fro my office. I feel that hour and a half is the least productive time in my day and the best period I can use for my writing if someone drives my vehicle. It isn’t fruitful to my health for all the smoke and dust that enters me, sticks to me, and makes me look like a villager on either end of the journeys. It doesn’t exercise a single muscle of my body and if anything raises my blood pressure. 

And therefore, I want my robot to be a car that drives itself. I know they are still building on this technology and I may never be able to afford one for myself for it may never turn cheap and I know I’ll end up driving my car for my whole life whenever I own one, I want to nurture this dream. I know a lot of you may argue against me sleeping late and waking up late but because we’re talking solely about my comfort, this will be the pinnacle of the technology I wish to own.

The entire commute must get reduced to small phrases – “Driver, drive to my office” or “Driver, drive to my home”. Something voice activated and startable only using a password and it then does all the work itself while I commute hasslefree inside a clean cabin, undisturbed to write all I want. This way I’ll get a thousand other ideas to write about too by simply looking out of the window.

Some may argue, why not take a bus instead which will be cheaper? I say, I hate being around people. Crowd and bad smells simply tick me off. This when clearly, people are my best source of inspiration for thoughts and writing. Every living body feeds my brains with things and teaches me stuff that no books or internet can.

“Seeing is Believing“.

… On The Road #3 – SAMROADING

Many people will give you many a advice about what speed to drive at in varying traffic conditions. Some say drive at a speed that suits your style and reflexes. Some say that always have patience and be slow, for there’s an accident always awaiting round the corner.

I say – drive at the speed of the traffic! Not necessarily tucked behind someones back but maintain some distance and keep a check that you aren’t getting left behind while also ensuring that you don’t start to lose your concentration if they increase their pace.

Most accidents on the road occur because you are either too slow or too fast. Too slow and you get bumped from behind by someone moving even at mediocre speeds. Too fast and you all know where they go! 🙂

What the aforesaid advice also does is, keeps your brain free from a lot of unnecessary clutter clouding your brain – “What will I have for lunch”, “Will I get home early and have sex tonight” or “I wonder if I want to see my boss’s face today” and bla bla! This way you are kept moderately busy while you can hog a chocolate when the traffic gets slower in city conditions whereas on the highways, better have chocolates at some restaurants! 😀

Today’s daily prompt gave me an idea to name this series of posts about how to go about driving in this mad rash world of hateful drivers – SAMROADING!

So SAMROADING says, never rush and ALWAYS LISTEN TO DEEP PURPLE!

… On The Road #2

Do not overtake someone only to slow down right in front of him. This is the most annoying thing you do while driving! Not only are you wasting a lot of someones time, you are also garnering a lot of negative praises that are hitting your back and may also be true! 😉

But then, there is never any harm in knowing the truth, is there?

Hope when WE met!

This one’s easy – it’s my wife!

I remember the restaurant

I remember the hue

I remember the dreamy silhouette that was you!

You appeared from the lights

And blew mine away.

All I saw was you

That smile in the fray.

We talked and talked

For hours and hours

Your career and mine

For an unsurpassable length of time.

Till we were caught dreaming

By our Dads screaming!

 

Crotchety Chump

Don’t we all want happy faces around us all the time? We are all selfish and in turn want to share the communicable cheerfulness to brighten our own days. Grumpy looking people often make for a bad viewing and… company. Happy people share jokes, make us laugh, spread positive energy with their infectious smiles, and even make some unhappy ones seriously jealous. But have you ever thought why some of us are permanently grumpy? Don’t you think that they too want to flex their cheek muscles at least once every day and smile for a change?

Yes, I am grumpy. I’m told by people that there are, at max, 4 expressions that they’ve seen me wearing. I haven’t practiced them in the mirror. I just look that way. It’s, in all practicality, impossible for me to stay happy and smile all the time, for from time to time, the realities of life keep dawning upon me. Earlier my problem was I wanted to keep everyone else happy. I failed! Then someone, a few years back, told me to start thinking about myself and now my problem is I want to keep myself happy. I’m not fairing any better here as well. My sofa needs cleaning. I need new mattresses. I need a new seating arrangement for my PC at home, new chair and table, more ergonomic. I need to get the engine on my bike repaired and blah blah! I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s precisely how grumpy people talk, BEAR IT!

So what exactly does grumpy mean?

– Bad-tempered and sulky.

– Crabbed; annoyed and irritable.

Synonym – Crotchety!

Just like the way happy and cheerful people have days when they are sad and depressed, we, the grumpy ones; have days when we are Happy and Cheerful for once. It’s difficult for us to leave our comfort zone. Deep down we love the way people hate us, despise us, want to hurt our face so bad, that we look even grumpier. But that’s where we WIN every day. For no one hits us. No one can do a shit about the way we look or behave. All that they can do is look away which is precisely what we want – no attention! It serves me better that I’m introvert as well.

There are several emotions, aren’t they? We sift through plethora of them every day – from happy to sad or angry or empathetic in matter of seconds. It’s these emotions that often drive our moods. These emotions change the way we perceive our world, see its colours, and hear its sound – basically change the way we feel it.

What I find most interesting though is how some emotions bring out the best in you while some doom you to obscurity. These emotions impact our will to achieve like no other person ever can. They impact our state of mind and the vibes coming from us in general. These emotions are quite distractingly very visible and are quite in-your-face.

My mother has one such emotion – anger. She cooks her best food when she is angry. Me and dad used to secretly wish for her to get upset and then cook (psst psst we still wish so). It used to start with an argument between them that I’ll never understand. They never made sense to me. They were so – worldly. Dealing with day-to-day issues that anyone of them could resolve in the blink of an eye. Anyways – food and anger! Yes, this is one complaint my mother always has when she is angry – she keeps saying she hates cooking. That how she hates every moment spent in the kitchen and yet, when she sees dad set the first foot across the threshold of its entrance to cook himself, she’ll jump in and prepare some of the tastiest drool-worthy delicacies, a human will ever taste – all in a fit of rage and knowledge that dad will ruin everything inside the kitchen. The chances of her screwing up the food then drastically reduce to zero. I think most women will relate to this feeling!

And that brings me to my question – what’s the emotion that brings out the best in you?

Mine is anger and I guess this is something my mother has unknowingly rubbed onto me. I think clearer when I’m angry. I say better when I’m angry. My focus dramatically increases even when I’m venting out my anger on something completely unrelated to the real problem. I invariably end up doing all the right things when my hands are shivering with angst. The only problem is – that’s also the only time I’m thinking just for myself and in those on-the-thread moments, I end up hurting a few people.

Okay, then what’s the emotion that brings out the worst from you?

Mine is happiness. Yes, that’s the reason I’m grumpy. Happiness brings out my concern for others which in today’s world, is quite unappreciated. People start to think that I’m interfering with their lives when in the first place they are the ones sitting in my home, sipping beers, and sharing the sorry state of their sorry ass world with me – the most unconcerned person on this planet. People for some reason don’t understand genuine sympathy or empathy now. They fail to acknowledge an unselfish concern for their well-being but who can blame them. We all get ditched so many times and in so many ways, we can’t even rely upon ourselves to trust others and find their true motives, rest aside the chances of us believing anyone else for our good.

I guess I’m searching for unadulterated love, for my love even for myself isn’t enough pure!

Riding the Tides

You know, there are things that we do over and over again for a considerable period of our life and then, someday we stop doing them, for whatever reasons. We never know if they were for good or bad, for they in their time never held any meaning. Then one day we stop doing them. All  they give us are memories, some cherishable and some not so.

The one thing I’m doing ever since I learnt to control handles and balance, is ride. Ride, to and fro, carrying people at my back.

The 2-wheelers that I’ve used are –

1. BSA SLR – Bicycle.

2. Kinetic Luna Super Star – A bicycle with an engine, a clutch and accelerator.

3. Hero Puch Shakti 3G – A mini demon. The smallest geared bikes with the smallest of engines – a mere 65CC.

4. You’ve all already met my 4th companion, Bajaj Pulsar 180CC – One of the oldest and proudest giants in the history of Bajaj sporting bikes in India. Without it, I’m lost.

During my schooling and engineering, my brother rode as my pillion. They were fun times. Nothing except the rides changed over the years. From bicycle to Luna to Shakti, that part of our life is one the longest case of the association between brothers and their rides. We rode for long hours and I don’t remember him, even once, asking me to let him ride. He was happy and content, at the back, watching the world and giving all sorts of running commentary, describing the surroundings. Watching girls, eateries, escaping seniors, riding in the rain – through love and through fight, those days will forever remain fresh.

There was one instance when while returning from our school, it was raining really hard. I decided to have some fun and starting riding through puddles of rainwater, which soaked all of his shoes from the inside. I kept doing it, when in a fit, he opened his water bottle and emptied it straight into my shoes, and all this 60 kmph. We laughed all the way to our home. One of the happiest memories I have with him.

We’ve had our share of accidents as well, when in all the occasions, he jumped off well before the fate hit us. He is thankfully smart in those situations when I’m not. Twice in those accidents, I hair-cracked my left shoulder. But they never deterred me

Then my ride changed to Pulsar and the speed at which I normally rode changed. I remember once, when he was in Bangalore, spending time on bench in his company, I used to drop him to his office. We used to take the ‘Nice’ road. It was one clean and zero traffic road, 16 kms in length. We reached 120 kmph one day. He simply closed his eyes and felt the speed while I just enjoyed the fastest that I had ever ridden, things passing by me in time smaller than the blink of an eye. I miss those moments.

Then came my wife, and so changed my speed. All she ever has said about my riding is – “You are the only one with whom I don’t try to balance the bike”. I clearly am her favorite!

Riding is also the time, I think about my life the most. I contemplate all serious issues, when I’m seated on my bike. I have my commentary running for all that while. “Government must ban all women and old drivers”, “Why the fuck does everyone change their lines at the last moments”, “What happened to them indicators” yada yada.

And then there’s my favorite song by Joe Satriani – “Ride” – that defines some philosophies of my life –

This clearly is my favorite daily ritual!

Baptized in the River

I read this prompt and the first question that popped in my tiny tired little brain at 11:45 pm in the night was – what do they mean by prized? And I slept over it.

The morning held further questions. Is it something you won as a prize but holds no meaning in your life for it’s a mere trophy? Is it something that makes you feel prized? Is it an object? Is it a feeling? Is it a perception? Is it a universal truth? Shouldn’t it hold value in your life?

So I decided to go through some prompts and I realized being ‘prized’ is a mere perception. The word makes us realize its virtue from both sides. The answer to all my questions above is a sweet and simple ‘YES’.

So what is my prized possession? Something I learned from a lot of mortifying years of anarchy in my thoughts. Freedom!

Freedom of space, speech, and foremost thoughts! I’m unafraid.  Confusion and betrayal have given me the name of the only person to trust on this planet and since, I’m never leaving this planet before my death, that name is mine! Trust no one. And it is this trust, that gives my thinking a new and distinguished sense of freedom.

I crossed many a rivers to mentally reach where I am today. I started to write. There is nothing more that I can do to erase all self-doubt. And here is a song that truly expresses my freedom –

Baptized in the river – Yes, I am!

P.S. – Is it OK if I use baptized for purified the way I did here?

Ping Backs

For all those who are still persevering with the pingback links from the Daily Prompt… HATS OFF TO YOU! TAKE A BOW from a lower man, for I’m done with them unless really necessary or if I write for a prompt and it needs a link back.

For all those who do it, I guarantee that I will like your post unconditionally for you’ve really gone through some effort to pull those links from the source code of the page of the Daily Post and make them look really nice in your post.

Happy PingBack’ing!

Take Care!

Lone Party

Ever experienced polarity? No I’m not talking about polar diseases and all. I’m talking magnetism. Have you noticed how North and North repel each other? I know most of you would’ve. That’s what we are – parties and me! We go away from each other at a mere whiff.

What are parties? All that a party does for me is hand me a lemonade, and I’m always left picking out the lemons from it. I don’t like them and parties don’t like me either. Those who’ve seen me at one, say the parties may have been better without me. The max that I do is linger around in the corners, out of every eye, bobbing my head at the beats with pizza in my hand.

So I concluded few years ago that it’s better to party alone than with anyone else. So here’s the concept and it’s called “Lone Party”. I don’t know, how many of you have any such concept but this one really works for me. Here’s what I do –

I start to walk alone, headphones in my ears, to a place unknown that has awesome  and my favorite music. Once I find one such place, I look to order some food that takes time in preparation. Meanwhile, I grab a coke in my hand and start bobbing my head to the beats/drums. It may also help if the place has some cricket showing as well. I’ll sit alone on a table for 4, top button loose, head laying on a head rest, and no pressure on my spine. The food may arrive and when it does,I take ages to finish it. This thing has to last long and I make sure to do it. All this, just makes my head unwind. That place, by the way, may as well be my home when I order a pizza.

It recharges me to no ends. I feel devoid of feelings and emotions when I return home and smiling then, is never an issue. That’s what parties are for right – hand you a smile?

Anyone else have some crazy party ideas that don’t involve anyone but you?

Bucket List

A dedication to this post is the song whole world loves –

This list isn’t exhaustive and will never be. I can’t see my future and won’t imagine it too, for vivid dreams have a way of becoming stumbling blocks for happiness. But here are somethings that I want to do, to get my head straight –

1. Grab my first chance at a solitary holiday for a month or so. I need my time doing nothing, no contacts, no family, no communication, no gadgets. Just food, water, me and may be some strangers who deal in nothing but love.

2. I want to go soundless once. Listen to absolutely no sound, so I can listen to myself, for I want to clear the noises in my head, that have become quite a puzzle to solve over time.

3. This one is explicit and can’t be revealed here. (Thinking sex? Bingo!)